HELP how to encourage / motivate 17 year old ds with A2 study

[violetqueen]

Anyone got any bright ideas,tips ?
He's taking resits /modules and does some work,eg over Christmas hols 4 hours a day.
This doesn't sound too bad ( though possibly not too good ,especially for the high achieving Mum's Netters' offspring ) ,but now he's back at school even if he has only one double lesson he's still stuck in the 4 hours a day groove.
So will do a couple of hours of private study at school after the double lesson,get home at 1.15 pm and then only do 2 more hours work before he goes to bed.
And he has 2 resits NEXT WEEK .
All I ever seem to do is nag - I'm sure I need to be more constructive ,less negative.
I do sympathise with him and do tell him things like it's not for ever .
But think those sentiments get drowned out by my more all encompassing nagging.
I'm sure moaning at him all the time doesn't help - advice ?

[Sherbert37]

I feel for you. None of mine have any drive at all and I find it difficult as I was your typical Head Girl type who LOVED school and learning.

I'm afraid I have had to stop lecturing as it was too stressful. Have told them no one else can do it for them and it is up to them now. DS1 did fine at Standard Grades (we are in Scotland)and seems more motivated this year. DD has very lofty aspirations but does very little towards this year's Standard Grades. I find it sad that she will inevitably get less than other kids who are not as bright as she is but work harder. That's life.

I haven't found the magic solution - let me know when you do!

[Lilymaid]

I've got a less high achieving DS2 who is taking resit modules this month. At this stage he probably needs to concentrate on doing practice papers and then revising those areas where he had difficulties. Although I can remember being told at university that I should revise for 7 hours per day, I reckon that 4 hours - if spent constructively - is probably OK if he is only taking two modules.

[BecauseImWorthIt]

Blimey! That's a lot more work than I think DS1 is doing, and he has 3 re-sits and A2 coursework to be done ...

I don't, ultimately, think there is anything more you can do. They do, sadly, have to take responsibility for themselves at this age.

Believe you me I know how hard that is, but I don't see what more you can do. I presume you have sat with him and just talked about the process? Does he have a good structure for revision? Does he know what he has to focus on in his re-sits (i.e. why he did badly in the original exams?)

If you find anything that works, will you let me know?

[snorkie]

4 hours of very focused revision is much better than 7 hours of aimless reading. If he's really revising efficiently for 4 hours I'd have thought it would be fine.

[webwiz]

It can be difficult to know exactly how much revision is needed for modules but 4 hours a day sounds fine. It depends on how much work he did over last term for the A2 modules and how much he needs to improve his grades for the resits.

I think it depends on the subjects as well -
DD2 has 3 AS modules coming up and probably hasn't done more than a couple of hours a day over the holidays but two of the modules are for maths which is not so much a test of memory as say a history module would be.

[violetqueen]

Thanks guys - it's so helpful to know what other people think.
I don't think he does have a good structure for revision - but I have to take into account that he's not me .
I did arts and my spider grams were an art form of their own.
He's doing Physics ,chemistry and biology ,so very different .
In my heart I know it's up to him at this age ,would just like to have the skills to spur a rather lazy dc on.

[brimfull]

God 4 hrs is great . I wish I could stick a rocket up dd's arse.

She got an offer today which she said has motivated her , I'll believe when I see it.

[Sherbert37]

Well I nearly lasted 24 hrs without nagging DD. Asked her what she was going to work on tonight. Cue eye rolling and 'You said you weren't going to go on at me' as she sat watching Eastenders (and still hasn't moved). Now wonder if she will do absolutely nothing?

[lilolilmanchester]

DS got 3 science AS modules next week and oh how I wish he would do anywhere near 4 hours a day. You have got me even more worried now.

[iamdisappointedinyou]

Another dispairing mum here!
DD is quite capable but lazy or unfocussed or something so she underperforms. I used to nag up until GCSE but I decided for sixthform to leave her to it. It was much better for my sanity.
They shouldn't need nagging at this stage. If they have already failed once and still not learned the lesson then I don't see that there is much more that the parent can do.
I said to DD "how will it look when you have spent an extra six months on this and still mess it up?" She said "yeah, I know" but it didn't stir her into action.

[JustGettingByMum]

oh crap! ds doing nothing like 4 hrs per day and he too has 4 AS modules next week

[ajandjjmum]

DS is taking A2 modules, and spent a lot of the holidays running around after a new girlfriend. It's so hard to comment (nag) on the amount of work he's doing, without seeming to be criticising his gf. She seems nice - and also has exams - but his focus has certainly declined.

DD is taking AS's and has never been so motivated, but she seems to have upped her game slightly - although still needs a couple of hours tv each night to survive!!!

Good luck to everyone taking exams.

[iamdisappointedinyou]

oops I should have said that I was a despairing mum, not a dispairing mum.
It is ajandjj who should be dis-pairing her DS and his gf.

[ajandjjmum]

Too true!

[violetqueen]

It's so hard - AJ understand your worries on the girlfriend front ,but that is kind of normal, healthy?
I mean at least he's developing as a person if you see what I mean.
Before anyone compares their childs output with mine , bear in mind that I don't really know what he's doing during those 4 hours .
He looks as though he's working ...but .
I'm suspicious about his fixation with 4 hours .
It's almost as though he can use the 4 hours to " buy " freetime rather than using that time to get through an organised list of topics .
But I think I'm on his case so much that he's concentrating on keeping me quiet.
I think he underperforms because he doesn't work hard enough .
And what will he be able to do with D's and E 's.
Sigh.

[Sherbert37]

No we don't know what they are doing...DD is an expert at 'appearing' to revise. I have caught her knitting under the desk! At Christmas she presented me with a beautiful drawing of our puppy, but I know this was done when she should have been revising for prelims. The picture was more successful than the prelims.

[ajandjjmum]

Yes, you're right violetqueen, it's just that these first few mad weeks are just before his modules. Oh well, it's up to him, and he's pretty sensible - I think.