Girls / friends AGAIN!

[empirestrikesback]

Girls and friendships AGAIN! Just need to get this off my chest! DD goes to school (new Year 7) with a new friend, but this friend is wearing her down. She is very negative, keeps putting DD down, says all DD's jokes aren't funny , says nobody cares what DD thinks, etc (I've witnessed this, DD isn't just making it up). DD has got to the stage where she's dreading going to school just because of this girl. She has other friends, but this girl is in all her classes and sits next to her all the time, and they walk to school together. If she could walk with someone else, instead of, or even as well as this girl it would help, but she lives on the same road as us so it would be very 'off' to change the routine now. I can see years stretching ahead of never shaking off this girl! Just when she'd settled in and things were going well. why is there always SOMETHING with girls?!

[titchy]

Oh God I'm dreading this.... Dd will be off to secondary with her bf next year. Her and bf live on same road and will be the only ones from their primary going to that school. Bf is quite dominant and there may be ishoos.... so lurking for suggestions...

[cherryblossoms]

It's all about learning, isn't it?

I suppose your dd is going to have to learn the gentle art of shaking off a "frenemy", or whatever the term is these days.

So, eg. walking to school. Can she leave earlier, take a longer walk, and pick up somebody she has a better relationship on the way?

Re. classes - she's going to have to subtly start gravitating towards the like-minded in each class, even if those persons aren't in every class.

She can be subtle, it doesn't have to be mean. In a way, it's just leaving this other girl space to find people that will appreciate her world-view (and sense of humour ...).

Thing is, it will happen anyway. By yr 11 it is unlikely that she will still be so closely involved with this girl, propinquity or no. She is embarking on life's adventure of finding kindred spirits and shared perspectives on the world. She is learning that, just because someone is physically next to you on that journey, it doesn't mean they will see the journey in the same way.

It's not ruthless, it's not mean, it's just doing what people are supposed to do: searching out the people who have enough in common with you and enough difference to make life exciting, interesting and comfortable.

[deaddei]

I think you will find as yr 7 progresses, that her friendships will change. Does she do clubs at lunchtime/after school- she may begin hanging out with those girls instead.
Walking to school is a bit of a problem- my dd (yr 8) walks on her own now (quite happily) as she likes to get to school really early- the girl round the corner who she had a few issues with, walks later.
Wouldn't worry too much- encourage your dd to bring other girls for tea- meet up with them at weekends etc.

[empirestrikesback]

thanks everyone! MNers are so good at providing perspective
cherryblossoms - i'm going to try and be as cool and philosophical as you, you are right on!!