So, if you received a letter about secondary schools in the borough that started......

[Polgara2]

.....with this paragraph:
"During the next few weeks, we will be outlining the proposals for the re-organisation of secondary provision within the borough. The aim of this reorganisation is to transform and inspire learning within (area) and to fulfil the authority's duty to reduce surplus places, promote choice, diversity, high standards and the fulfilment of every childs educational potential."
What would you think?

[MarsLady]

I'd think............. Uh oh!!!!!!!!!!!!

[ProjectIcarus]

school closures and catchment restructures.

[GrandMasterHumphreyLyttelton]

Someone has swallowed the Oxford English Management Speak Dictionary and it's probably terminal.

[NuttyMuffins]

I'd think 'oh crap'

[Rusty]

I would think there is going to be a very long, expensive & useless series of 'consultations' with everyone except the people who will be most affected by this, followed by a proposal to close a school & build a new one somewhere else, followed by parents' protest, followed by a statement that the proposal was being 'reconsidered' Then everything would go quiet for a bit, and then after the next local election it would all start all over again.....

You don't live in my town do you? (it's only just become a borough & is ver proud of the fact)t

[GrandMasterHumphreyLyttelton]

I'll translate it into English for you, though I'm no expert in management speak, or Twaddle, as it is sometimes known.

"Soon, we'll be making a To Do List. We're going to spend a blardy fortune on 'experts' and give ourselves a pat on the back, a pay rise and a promotion. In essence, we want to improve things in the local schools, which, until now, we haven't bothered to do."

[Rusty]

That was a very strange last sentence

You don't live in my town do you? (it's only just become a borough & is very proud of the fact)

[Polgara2]

Yes but how soon would you think that whatever crappiness they are going to come up with is likely to happen?

[GrandMasterHumphreyLyttelton]

The paragraph doesn't mention actually doing anything.

Sentence 1: we're making a list of Things To Do
Sentence 2: these are the Things

Rusty's post of 14:04:17 was spot on.

Cynical? Me? Nah.

[UnquietDad]

I'd think it translates as follows:

"During the next few weeks, we will be outlining our half-arsed, hare-brained scheme for a bit of social engineering, involving a manipulation of the already totally fucked comprehensive system in (area). We've noticed that a lot of middle-class parents like to send their kids to (X) School, and we're going to make this more difficult to do. We're shunting the catchments about a bit so that some of the people who paid a 30% premium for their houses are now in the catchment for (Y), where all kids have to wear earrings, carry a knife for their own safety and are likely to leave school with no qualification higher than an ASBO. This will actually give people less 'choice', not that they have much as it is. None of the councillors who voted for this actually gives a shit, as they all live outside the borough and/or send their kids private anyway."

[DimpledThighs]

I'd think "oh fuck here we go, have just got my head ound how to get children into nice secondary and it is now going to be based on some kind of thunderball system"

then google all local secondaries.

[DimpledThighs]

well said unquietdad

[GrandMasterHumphreyLyttelton]

"We realise all the local schools are shit. Tough."

[UnquietDad]

I'm amazed they didn't use the word "excellence". All schools promote "excellence" now, have you noticed? Can't any of them promote mediocrity, so we know which ones to avoid?

[Polgara2]

Waahhhhhhhhhhh!!!
But we've just moved away from the 'over my dead body' variety of secondary school to a 'best of a bad bunch' secondary school! AND my head hurts!!!!!!!!!

[kiskidee]

i'll add to rusty's post of 14:14: and in the process overspend the LEA's budget on our new middle managers. To rebalance the budget, we will then lay off some teachers and support staff.

[Polgara2]

Forgot to add I totally agree with Unquiet Dad's translation which is making me cry even more wahhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh

[Polgara2]

Oops!

[UnquietDad]

Sorry! You could try writing to a sympathetic local councillor.

It's been tried and challenged in our area. Google "Wisewood" and "Myers Grove" to give you some idea of the sort of thing people can do. Hope that helps.

[rowan1971]

Maybe they're going to introduce a lottery system? A few boroughs seem to be keen on the idea now that Brighton have tried it.

Just to swim against the tide a bit... those of you who think you have the 'right' to send your kids to the better school just because you have more money: you do realise that you just bought houses, not some special license to the best school, right?

[UnquietDad]

Agree, but if the comprehensive system worked, people wouldn't need to do it.

[Polgara2]

As I am feeling a 'tad tetchy' on this subject at the moment I am not going to answer Rowan1971's last question. Am taking deep breaths and just.... agreeing with UnquietDad, again!

[UnquietDad]

I'm sure people can legitimately question my use of "need" there, as a lot of the time it is a decision based on snobbery, and it's as well to be out in the open about this.

The problem is that it's very difficult to un-invent something once it's been started. You need a group of like-minded middle-class parents to say "no, damn it, we will not play the catchment game, we WILL send our children to the local school no matter what." (In the way that Fiona Millar hectors us to do, from the sanctuary of her nice part of Camden.) That may be followed, though, by an uncomfortable silence and, "Um... right, who wants to go first?"

[rowan1971]

I quite agree, UD - but surely that is why it would be a good idea for the borough to step in and mix up the catchment areas? That way it won't be reliant on the parents behaving altruistically.

[UnquietDad]

But I think it smacks of identifying a problem and applying a quick-fix, rather than genuinely addressing the disparities in provision across the borough.

If all comprehensives were as good as each other, then parents would voluntarily send their children to the local secondary rather than having it imposed upon them by the tinpot Stalinist agenda of a local council.