School phobia/ anxiety problems in 11 year old

[Veryproudmumof2]

Hi everyone, Im new here, this is my first post and am posting for my little bro! He is 11 and has always been a 'worrier' He started year 7 well and loved the first few weeks. In December he got told off, un fairly, by a teacher. Since then he has been terrified to go to these lessons (DT) and has started to become very anxious to go to school at all. So much so that he will kick, screem, sob hysterically until my mum keeps him home - to get him to school she would have to literally drag him. So hes missing days here and there, at times hes been taken and left crying as hes gone in to the school, other times hes ended up in the school nurses room 'faking' illness. He has also made himself phtysically sick the night before school to make my mum keep him home.

This is upsetting the whole family and my mum feels everyone is blaming her. My brother is extremely bright and Im pretty sure hes not being bullied but I guess I cant say for certain. Also my sister did exactly the same at 10 years old and ended up in a special school for a few months for 'school phobics'. She still suffers with anxiety issues.

Any advice would be greatly appreciated xxxx

[RTKangaMummy]

Hello and welcome to MN

My DS is 11 and in year 7

Sorry I don't really have any advice for you though as I don't have any experience of school phobia, but wanted to welcome you

[powder28]

was the issue with this teacher sorted out? What did he get told off for?

[spudmasher]

Your mum needs to make an appointment to speak to the school's special educational needs co ordinator and she needs to take him to the GP to get a referral to the educational psychologist.

Your mum must feel very stressed by all of this.

What a lucky lady to have a daughter like you to support her.

[powder28]

I agree with spudmasher. Anxiety is terrible and it can get so out of control. The school doesnt sound very caring.

[Veryproudmumof2]

Thanks everyone for your replies xx

The story goes....

My brother is very clumsy and not that great with his hands (Think they are looking at dyspraxia at the moment) He was in a DT lesson and couldnt use the saw or something, he asked the teacher to help and she demonstrated for him. After a few minutes he still couldnt grasp it so got up to ask again and was told to sit down and get on with his work, withing seconds he'd got so anxious he started to cry he was then told to go outside the room and the teacher stated she 'would not have that kind of behaviour in her class'! After a ciuple of minutes she went out to him and shouted at him, he then ran to the nearest toliet and was sick

The matter was dealt with and I think it maybe a regular occurence as my mum has been asked to write a formal letter of complaint to the head.

Do you really think she should ask to see an Ed. Pyc. straight away? Isnt there some kind of process he needs to go through before? This is all new to me but I can tell you we are very worried about him, poor thing, cant imagine having that much worry at such a young age.

He is going to see the doctor on Monday so we'll see what he has to say (He has been before with no luck).

Thanks again for your replies xxxx

[powder28]

Thats terrible that the teacher shouted at him.
It makes me really angry when adults behave like this. Unfortunately some teachers seem to have this self righteous pompous attitude that its their right to talk to your kids however they like.
Keep us updated on this situation. Things have a habit of sorting themselves out. Keep the faith.

[MummyPenguin]

The teacher needs a kick in the pants for starters. I've had anxiety (not school related) problems with my 11 yr old DD. She's currently seeing a Therapist and I think it is going to help her, she's only had the first appointment so far, but it went well, and I think it will help her.

It sounds as if your Brother, like my DD, suffers with low self esteem and confidence issues. If I were your Mum, I would take him to the GP and see about getting a referral, as Mums we can feel helpless in these situations as we're not professionals. Kids don't have to go through these things alone, there is help available.

Definately keep on top of the Dyspraxia diagnosis, get that confirmed one way or the other, and also get your Mum to take the matter up with the school. She needs to take quite a firm stance with them too.

Good Luck.

[Nbg]

Awww your poor little brother
I know how he feels. I suffer with anxiety and it is horrid.

Obviously it has been triggered by this one event and has spiralled out of control.
I agree that the best advice would be to contact the school and make them aware of the situation. For the time being they may be able to arrange work for him to do at home.

How do you think he would feel about meeting this teacher out of the school premises or even on the premises but somewhere neautral? It might be good for him to be able to talk the event through with the teacher involved.

Have you been offered any form of help? Have you spoke to yhe GP?

[admylin]

MummyPenguin, you wrote that your dd also suffers from anxiety. was wondering what sort of help you got to deal with it?

[fattime]

Teachers they have so much power and some don't know the affect they can have on a child . They are dealing with children for heaven sake not robots it makes me so . Sorry nothing I can say that is helpful but am so sorry for your poor brother and hope it gets sorted out quickly now for him without him getting labelled. Hope the doctor is good one.

[MummyPenguin]

My DD fortunately has a very supportive teacher, so that's good. When I started getting really concerned (my DD was having thoughts of self harm) I took her to the GP who set up a referral to a clinic that deals with problems in young people. Our initial consultation was with a Social Worker which I was a bit alarmed about as I didn't see why we needed to see a SW, but it turned out that it was just procedure, she does the initial assessment and then it gets handed to a Therapist. My DD has had her first appt with the Therapist with DH and I present, and she is going to have a further three appts on a 1 - 1 basis with the Therapist, then a fourth appt which is a review for us all. I guess we will then decide whether DD needs further appts or not.

[MummyPenguin]

I agree with you fattime about teachers (some anyway) I'm pissed off with my Ds's teachers atm. Have a thread in Primary section.

[admylin]

I also send out all my sympathy to OP's little brother, poor lad hope things get sorted soon.
MummyPenguin, thanks, sounds like your dd has a good teacher which can make or break a childs view on schooling. We are also lucky to have a great motivated, understanding teacher for dd. I think you definately have to have a really good doctor too. Let us know how things go.