Sexual Harassment in schools

[EndOfPrimary]

What are you all advising your DDs to do about the constant verbal sexual harassment they encounter in secondary school?

DD just doing a summer transition camp (Y6 - Y7) and is already being verbally harassed. (Eg on the bus to school boys in her new class saying 'I want to fuck you')

DH and I disagree about the best response.....

[Impala77]

That's disgusting!! Aren't parents teaching their sons to respect girls/women anymore?
My dd is only 20 months but I'm dreading this kind of thing already! It's so hard, do you tell her to just ignore them? Or give them a good kick in the balls!! Hope you sort it out, can't believe this goes on.

[Mitzi50]

When my daughter was at school several boys were suspended for repeatedly grabbing girls' breasts and commenting on their size. What shocked me was that this had apparently being going on for months and the girls felt that they had to put with this (and sadly some were apparently flattered by the attention ). Fortunately, my daughter was never assaulted in this way.

Other issues that occurred were girls being pressurised to send sexual photos on their phones to boys - one poor girl complied sending a topless photo to a boy she thought was her boyfriend and within hours almost every person in the school had seen the photo.

The best defence for your daughter long term is a high level of self esteem and self worth. Following the suspensions, I had conversations with my daughter about what constitutes sexual assault, what is and isn't normal behaviour and made it very clear that she did not have to put up with this kind of behaviour. We ran through some options of what to do or say if she was targeted (sitting near the driver seems a really good suggestion).

Sadly I don't agree with Coolas statement "The kinds of boys who behave like this tend to sit at the back of the bus and will also be the kinds of ones who are in detention most nights so hopefully she won't come into much contact with them". My daughter was attending a highly regarded indie school and the boys in question are some of the arrogant alpha male types who played A team rugby and have gone on to get great GCSE/A level results.

Having said all of that the vast majority of boys are lovely. My daughter went on to 6th form in a boys school - she has a great group of male friends who would not dream of treating a women as anything other than an equal.

[Impala77]

Mitzi50 well said. We seem to be going backwards, girls should not be treated this way and should not just put up with it, as you say it's assault.
I despair sometimes where these kids pick up this behaviour, at home, on the Internet? Who knows but I agree that girls should feel their own self worth and refuse to put up with it!

[wirezip]

When I was at secondary school in the 80s, I had hands up my skirt, my crotch and breasts grabbed, and just constant sexual harassment along the lines of questioning if I was a virgin and what kind of things I would do.

However, my two best friends were boys and they used to fend off some of the worst of it for me. I disagree that it's a "certain type of boy" who does it - I remember the harassment being pretty much across all types.

I cannot imagine what it's like for girls these days. It must be awful.

[YellowStripe]

I would be phoning the school and telling them so they can address it in assemblies/PSHE.

[Mitzi50]

It does make me sad - I do think school's do not take these incidents seriously enough - what happened in my daughter's school and to wirezip is sexual assault. If it happened to a woman in the street, there would quite likely be police involvement, within a decent workplace it would most definitely be a sackable offence. What is being said to EndOfPrimary's DD is sexual harassment. Girls should not be expected to put up with this.

I do feel that there should be more overt education about this within schools for both boys and girls

recapp.etr.org/recapp/index.cfm?fuseaction=pages.currentresearchdetail&PageID=207&PageTypeID=5

"Among high school students, sexual coercion was perceived as justifiable under certain dating conditions among both males and females. In a different study, conducted by random phone survey, many teens identified rapists as strangers and did not define sexual assault by an acquaintance or date as rape."

There is lots of research which concur with these findings which is deeply depressing.

[Impala77]

Sadly some girls are being led to believe that to be "popular" or worthwhile they have to sleep around or let boyfriends treat them how they like, it's scary that these surveys suggest young girls think rape within a relationship is ok and that if a boyfriend hits them it's fine. This needs addressing and fast.

[Returning]

Mitzi - If I was paying for a school where my DD was being subjected to that type of behaviour, I'd whip them out like a shot!

That would not be tolerated in most state schools! What was it highly regarded for?

[wirezip]

Mitzi50 I was bullied at school and I think at the time I thought the sexual harassment was part of that so just chose to ignore it. Plus I was groped and harassed in my Saturday job by an employee with SN and when I complained I was told that I just needed to stay out of his way. I was 14.

I should add that my previous experience was in a state school.

[antimatter]

I would write to school about it with as many details as possible.
They are keen to know things like that and will tell you on their resposnses.

[Mitzi50]

Returning I do not believe that this has anything to do with the state vs private school debate as the experiences on the thread show but has more to do with a minority of men and boys' attitude toward women.

wirezip - I am so sorry that you had these awful experiences.

EndOfPrimary - sorry to have hijacked your thread. I have rather belatedly realised that it must have added to your anxiety. I do think you should give your daughter some advice on handling this type of situation, but would like to add that my daughter and the majority of her friends went through school with the minimum of unpleasantness. It is only a small minority of boys who behave like this and the vast majority are well adjusted and decent members of society.

[Returning]

Mitzi - No, I wasn't saying it was a state v private issue, I was just saying there is no way I would pay for a school that didn't manage that type of behaviour. I think it says something about the ethos of the school that young people even think that that behaviour is appropriate for one second. My own experience is mainly, although not exclusively, of state schools and the vast majority leave students in no doubt that that behaviour is taboo, as I'm sure would many private schools. The Alpha male thing is absolutely no excuse and should be eradicated by any decent school, state or private.