Making friends in year 7

[mumblechum]

My son started yr 7 almost two weeks ago. On the first day he said he felt a bit excluded as there is quite a big clique of boys who went to the same primary and he felt cold-shouldered. Since then, he seems to be on good terms with most of the boys in his form individually, but he told me tonight that he hasn't really made any friends, and feels a bit excluded still. For example, today they were all hanging round outside a classroom waiting for the teacher and ds made some innocuous remark. He said they all totally ignored him and he wandered off and stood by himself. Also at lunchtimes, he says he just has to find the nearest available seat, usually with people who aren't even in his year, and I'm sure that what's supposed to happen is that little groups of his form stick together on individual tables. He seems friendly with several other boys who aren't in the clique, and I suggested that if he's sitting next to someone nice in the lesson just before lunch, he says "lets get lunch together" or something, but he's quite resistant, saying the school's so big and lunch so chaotic that it's not gonna happen. He says he's really making an effort at making conversation with people. This all sounds odd to me because at primary he was always the one everyone wanted to sit next to on school trips, the one they shouted for at sports day etc. Altho' he's academic (it's a top bucks grammar), he's not the bespectacled nerdy type. He's mixed race, brill drummer, good at martial arts etc. I don't know if there's anything anyone can do, other than him, but I needed to get this off my chest as it's really starting to upset me. I have suggested that he invites a friend for tea, to which the response of course is "I haven't got any friends". AAAAARRRRRGGGGGHHHH

[2shoes]

omg I could have been reading about ds
when he went into yr 7 he like yours knew quite a few boys but they all grouped up and left him out. It was horrid I would say who did you have lunch with and he would say on my own.
It took a while then he made One friend and then it started to get better. he is in year 10 now and has quite a good group of friend in both his year and others.
It will get better but I feel for you as it is so hard for you. I worried so much about ds. One thing that helped was he joined the chess club(not a sporty boy) that helped.
do hope things get better soon

[RTKangaMummy]

I have asked DS also started year 7

2 weeks ago he suggested

Finding out if any of them like martial arts too

or if one of them plays keyboards or guitar or something else

they could get together to play music together

He is going to think of any more ideas

[mumblechum]

Big thanks to KangaBoy! There is one boy who my ds was teaching some karate to last week and this other boy gave my ds some sweets as a thank you. I think he needs to nurture that and another couple of flegling friendships.

[RTKangaMummy]

Deffo brill idea



Hope it works out for him, he can share his skills with others

[mumblechum]

Thanks for the suggestion. I may mention it to his form tutor (we have a meet the teachers session tomorrow night), but I'd have to do it sneakily, so ds didn't find out. I know he'll gradually make friends, I guess what I'm worried about is the timing - my theory is that once a clique is established, it's hard to break thru. My ds isn't the type to keep pushing if he feels he's not welcome, so I dunno what's going to happen.

[RTKangaMummy]

How did it go last night with the tutor?

How is DS now?

[mumblechum]

Hi, thanks for thinking about him Kanga. Didn't get to speak to tutor last night, too packed out. Things seem better now, tho,he's auditioning for senior band next week. I forgot to give him lunch money today but he went into the computer suite and had a chat witha couple of friends. Another kid gave hims some sweets, so he's apparently no longer Billy Nomates

[RTKangaMummy]

That is deffo brill

Am really pleased for him and you