Is my child a little bit weird?

[HelenMALL2]

My son is 12 years old. He just doesn't seem like anyone else in his class. He is in top set and reasonably intelligent, got 6s in his tests etc. But in terms of personality he is just polar opposite. At around this time last year, he developed a love for horse racing. Correct horse racing. He will sometimes walk up to his father and give him a 5 minute piece on one horse. He runs a tipping service online and is regarded well by his compatriots. In a recent league, last month he finished in the top 5 of 20 people, all men who have the whole day to analyse etc. He loves his racing and if he's happy, I'm happy. We go racing whenever we can and he loves it. But there are a couple things that worry me. He recently signed up to instagram. I looked at his phone and all I saw on his timeline was people at the park, people shopping, going to the cinema etc. My boy has shown no interest in any of this. He claims to have many friends but from what I see I don't really know if this is true. He told me at the start of year 7, he was told by one boy 'everyone thinks you're weird'. The only other thing he like is rugby, but this year he has had a torrid time with injuries. He broke his wrist his finger his rib and tore ligaments in his shoulder wrist and knee. He also had his appendix removed, which took double the time to heal because of the position of the appendix. He doesn't have a console, has shown no interest in ever getting a console and because of this he can't join in half the conversations at school. I have asked him I he wants one and he always declines, despite often saying he can't join in. He has no interest in fashion, which he said 'is fine till mufti day when you get massacred for your next top and jeans as everyone else comes in superdry and hollister'
He is happy what he is like but my question is, if he was your child would you think he's weird? Would you try and change him? Buy him top line clothes and Xbox for his b'day if he wanted tickets to racing?

Thanks very much

[claraschu]

?

[sausagedog12]

I think it's nice that he already knows what makes him happy in life and he seems confident in the fact that he doesn't need to follow others and their preferences. Just because someone is different it doesn't make them weird. Be happy that he is who he is as it sounds as if you have a great kid there in fact he sounds just like mine!!

[goshhhhhh]

I wouldn't try & changes him and I think these type of quirky people who don't follow the crowd are usually very successful in life.

[Aussiemum78]

Look at the positives. He has a passion, he is unique, he sounds happy and he's not a slave to peer pressure.

Broaden his interests by all means, but don't make him feel like he's inadequate for being different.

[Shannith]

tbh you sound weird

[Perfectlypurple]

My dsd is 'weird'. She has always been young for her age and was never into the things girls seem to be in like Justin Bieber, Hannah Montana etc. She never had a lot of friends as she did some strange things due to her immaturity but she has always been happy doing her own thing and it is nice that she never followed the crowd. Now she is an older teen she has friends a bit more like her and is thriving. Just let him be and don't try to change him. It won't work.

[oohdaddypig]

He sounds confident and happy in his own skin.

I would be unbelievably proud of him.

Are you a little bit wierd?

[nooka]

My teenage dd says weird is good. So long as your ds appears to be happy and engaged in his hobbies I'd not worry too much. I'd certainly not buy him stuff he doesn't want for presents, although you may find it helps him fit in to wear the 'right' sort of clothes. Having said that my ds actively enjoys not fitting in, but it's something he consciously does because he has his own sense of style rather than just getting it a bit wrong IYSWIM.

[Delphiniumsblue]

I think that you have the problem! He is confident, happy and knows his own mind- something most people would love in their own children rather than one who hides their own preferences and follows the herd.
Pointless changing him- it never works- except to cause unhappiness.
He sounds lovely.

[DoctorTwo]

Your son has realised early on that we all have to live our own life, and to not bend to the will of the majority. He'll go far, that boy. I say encourage him.

[sewingandcakes]

I think he sounds happy and there's no reason to try and change him to fit your ideas of what "normal" kids his age "should" be into. You should embrace his differences; after all, if you can't as his parent, how will anyone else?

[lljkk]

Oh well, being normal is boring anyway, right?

How very entrepreneurial of him. I'd be dead proud of that.

I wonder how weird Ellen McArthur's parents thought she was. Passionate about sailing which nobody in the family except an occasionally-seen aunt also did. She spent something like 6 yrs saving up for a boat which at 14yo she sat playing with in her garden once it arrived (iirc, the family didn't even have a trailer to tow it with).

[MLP]

Great that the OP is being slagged off by several posters for being weird for asking an entirely legitimate question. Always thought that was the point of mumsnet.

Your son sounds absolutely fine to me. Yes, he has slightly unusual tastes for his age relative to his peers but that isn't necessarily a bad thing. He sounds interesting and hopefully he can find some kids with similar tastes. And avoid the brainless teasing.

[TeaAndALemonTart]

Well, if he's happy then I wouldn't worry tbh.

[Mandyandme]

Horse Racing? Does he gamble? Has he the start of an addiction?

Sorry might be going off in a totally wrong direction but knew a boy years ago who was totally immersed into horse racing. Extremely bright ended up in a super well paid job . Fast forward 15 years and his house was repossessed, he had so many credit cards and loans that were maxed out and he was behind with that he ended up bankrupt. Still could not kick the habit and today still gambles. He should have had a bright future but he threw it all away.

He said he started by hypothetically studying horses to see which one would win. Then when that was successful he started placing small bets, which won then out of nowhere he started to lose, then he would chase his losses then he would win then he would lose even more until he had lost so much he could not see how to get out.

Just be very careful about where all of this is leading.

[Hakluyt]

I would be a bit concerned about two things. The exclusive nature of his interest- maybe a good idea to broaden him out somehow? And the gambling potential. That really would worry me.

Oh, and I would buy him some "fit in" clothes. Not for his birthday or anything, just put them in his room. Just in case the "not caring" is a bit of bravado. You can always sell them on eBay if he never wears them!

[senua]

He likes horse racing and rugby - two healthy outdoor pursuits. Do you really want him stuck indoors on a console instead? Encourage the rugby and that will help him with friendships.
Ignore the Hollister/SuperDry comments. You know that the moment you shell out a month's mortgage repayment on a sweatshirt it will turn out to be so last year, and something else will be the Cool Thing of The Moment.

[senua]

Alternatively, give him an allowance for clothes. When it is their own money they are spending, all of a sudden the expensive brands lose their appeal.

[TakeYourVitamin]

He sounds fab.

My 8yr old is a bit weird, she behaves differently from most girls her age and is actually proud of being odd.

She has a strong character and seems to know herself well. There's no point me trying to change her, it will only make us both miserable.

Learn to enjoy the child you have, you couldn't change him even if you wanted to. Buy him what he wants for his birthday, not what you want him to want. Work with him, not against him.

[chocoluvva]

He sounds fine to me too Helen but I understand why you might worry at his apparent lack of friends. The disregard for the opinions of other people's opinions is probably fine - as other posters have said absence of peer pressure will probably stand him in good stead - but he's only 12 so there's still time for him to decide he does want to 'fit in' more.

Does he have a history of serial obsessions? If so he might move on to something else.

[dashoflime]

Horseracing is great!

If he can run a tipping service then he must be extremely good at analysing data, working out probabilities etc. Its not easy stuff!

Agree you should speak to him about gambling though and keep a close eye on it.

Its also good that he's interested in Rugby as well. That's a nice, outdoor team sport to balance out all that geeking out over horsey data.

[Heels99]

How about extending the watching horse races to learning to ride a horse?

Not sure why you think he is weird. Plenty of 12 year old boys are not interested in fashion, I don't see many of that age where we live wearing holister etc and plenty are into things that aren't consoles e.g sports, drama, music. My 12 yr old nephew doesn't have a console like skiing, surfing, tennis, drama.

Sounds like you enjoy him being different and the attention it brings. Everyone is happy so what is the issue?

[chocoluvva]

Sigh.

If they're 'normal' we worry about peer pressure.

If they're unconventional we worry that they're odd...

[happygardening]

OP are you interested in horse racing? It is an unusual thing for a 12 year old to love and I wonder if part one of the reasons you're concerned is that you have no interest, understanding or knowledge of horse racing, you only hear the negative stuff.
Go to a local race meeting with him, I challenge anyone not to have a good time, you don't have to know anything about horses, few can help but be impressed by the fastest breed horse in the world, place a couple of £'s on a horse your DS recommends, it's just sheet good fun. Perhaps then you won't worry he's weird.

[BelleOfTheBorstal]

Op said in her opening post that they go to the races from time to time.
Op I would probably look to find him one or two other things to be interested in, purely because the world is such a huge and diverse place and there are so many things to be interested in!