Need some advice please.

(7 Posts)
Mango709 Mon 17-Mar-14 19:41:22

Hi, this is my first post here. Hope this is in the right place.
My daughter is 15 and I need some advice.
She has Dysgraphia, very short tempered, anger management problems, has been bullied from as soon as she started at high school. She has said to me mum I gave up hope doing anything with my life, only things I want to do you need to be smart and I'm not smart enough so I give up might as well leave and go to the job centre now. She isn't doing well in her subjects. She's started failing or feeling like a failure in them. She has good attendance but only said to me now, I go to school all the time so you wouldn't ask me why I wasn't showing up. She just hates school now. She has started self harming and trying to commit suicide. I think she has developed depression and anxiety. She also has very bad trust issues. When she was 4 the only thing she would trust was the family pet. She has now said after tonight so from Tuesday the 18th she is going to start skipping school until she can get into panmure st anns. It is a special school in Edinburgh, it is for kids who can't maintain mainstream education, I will attach a link about the school, she has said she isn't going to school unless it is Panmure. I don't know what to do. Should I contact Panmure or talk to her school. I am completely at a loss at what to do, I thought she was fine until she broke down tonight.

Some of these links are slightly old. I don't know much about Panmure myself.

https://www.edinburgh.gov.uk/directory_record/268933/panmure_st_ann_s

www.schoolguideedinburgh.co.uk/schools/panmure-st-anns/

www.scotsman.com/news/unteachable-pupils-there-s-no-such-thing-at-panmure-st-ann-s-1-1077303

www.edinburghoutlook.co.uk/2009-03/yourarea/citycentre/2099.aspx

creamteas Mon 17-Mar-14 19:46:00

If she is self-harming and threatening suicide, I think you need to see your GP.

I think you need to deal with this medically before you worry about educational issues.

Mango709 Mon 17-Mar-14 20:02:13

I haven't told my husband about the self harm and suicidal thoughts/attempts as he will make the situation a lot worse. He will tell me that I have failed as a parent and that our daughter should be in a mental asylum. Therefore she refuses to go to a doctor and I have phoned the GP for an appointment, the quickest they can supposedly see me is 2-3 weeks. I said to the person on the phone. I can understand that the surgery is very busy but I have just said that there is suicide and self harm risks, so the only appointment the GP has is in 2-3 weeks? So the receptionist went yes unless it is an urgent matter. I then said well do you think self harm isn't urgent? She then said the GP is busy, the next appointment in 2-3 weeks. I have more than one call to answer so thank you good bye. I don't understand was I not being clear enough? hmm

adoptmama Mon 17-Mar-14 21:41:36

From the limited amout I can see online about the school i do not think Panmure would be a good environment for your child. Having worked in the EBD sector i think your dd would find herself way out of her depth in a school like this and very vulnerable to violence. Schools that cater for children with social and emotional difficulties can be very difficult envirnoments for staff and children and many contain children who are placed in them because they are violent and/or offending. I stress I do not know this particular school personally - the best I can advise is you contact them and visit. But I would be very wary of seeing them as an educational solution.

Your DD clearly needs professional help and I think you must call NHS 24 or your GP urgently. She is doing more than crying out for help.

Dysgraphia is often a very little understood disorder in schools and it is very, very hard for children to produce work reflective of their intellect. In many ways it is far harder to work with than dyslexia (and many dysgraphic children are also dyslexic). She needs mental health support and she also urgently needs good learning support. There are many strategies - using a lap top, read/write software etc - that can help dysgraphic children do better at school. Find out if there is a local or online support group. I would not force her to go to school tomorrow if she cannot face it. Her mental health is the most urgent issue so I hope you can find go help asap for her.

cory Tue 18-Mar-14 07:01:13

really sorry to hear you are going through this, OP

agree with everything adoptmama said

I'd get back to the GP and explain that there is a real risk of suicide

I would also ring the school and explain what is going on and ask for the support of the SENCO/pastoral support officer

when my dd started self harming, the school put pressure on the NHS to speed up her CAHMS referral

dd's problems were physical disability and chronic pain rather than anything affecting her learning, but they led to the same hopelessness

she also attempted suicide

CAHMS were brilliant: they worked with her and helped her to see that though her condition was given, the way she dealt with it was not

she had pretty well dropped out of secondary when the treatment started

three years later, she is at sixth form college, loving every moment of it, and confidently looking forward to the day she leaves home to start the next step of her life

nobody could have believed two years ago that this would happen

so keep pushing- get help for your dd, try all avenues

thanks

tiggytape Tue 18-Mar-14 08:28:28

Sorry you are all going through this and I agree with other advice here that getting medical help immediately is the top priority. If DD is self harming and has made any attempt at suicide, just focus on that for now. Don't force her to do anything at this stage except to see a GP and start the process to getting further help. If she won't go to school then so be it. Her safety and health are more important than anything else at this stage.

cory Tue 18-Mar-14 09:46:37

what's wrong with your husband anyway- that's a horrendous attitude?

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