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Secondary education

take my advice when choosing a school

33 replies

sunshine121 · 07/11/2013 20:42

Please dont listen to what other people are doing once they have left you will never see these people again i.did this and chose s school that doesnt suit us and our life wish id gone with the unpopular one in the playground but best for us

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difficultpickle · 07/11/2013 21:19

Surely you should choose the right school for your own dcs rather than following what others are doing for their dcs. We are looking at senior schools this term and it hasn't even occurred to me to ask others in ds's year where they are looking.

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tropicalfish · 07/11/2013 22:05

Sunshine,
You are quite right, it is easy to feel influenced by people round you. Everyone is, not just you.

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JohnnyBarthes · 07/11/2013 22:20

By Y6, ds was taking himself to and from school so I missed the playground gossip. Thank goodness.

Sorry to hear you're unhappy, OP. Can you move your child to the other school?

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moldingsunbeams · 08/11/2013 09:43

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cwazycaz · 08/11/2013 10:52

It's some good advice, sunshine! it's really hard not to listen to playground music and be influenced by others. In our "playground" people go at great length to avoid the not-so-good-school and to make sure DC's go to "popular" schools. the sad thing is that the "popular" schools are not always suited, the not-so-good school remain undersubscribed and continue to underperform. But with so little choice, it's usually hard to find the right school for DC's. Hopefully, things will get better for you and you will make decision right by yr DC: to stay or to go?

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sunshine121 · 09/11/2013 20:57

she won't move now but i will forever regret my decision

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mummy1973 · 09/11/2013 21:16

Just wondered what it is that you found didn't suit? We'll be applying next yr so keen for all wisdom!

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bsc · 09/11/2013 21:23

Why on earth would you go with what other people were doing? Confused

Surely you find the most suitable school for your child?

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tiggytape · 09/11/2013 21:48

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sunshine121 · 09/11/2013 21:50

She was heavily influenced by a friend that was going and half the year went but should of gone with the one only a couple went to .....bsc ive asked myself that question many a time it wasnt a total no but the other one would of been better for us

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sunshine121 · 09/11/2013 21:54

Mummy do the rounds close your door and decide as a family

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tiggytape · 09/11/2013 21:59

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sunshine121 · 09/11/2013 22:02

Thanks tig her brother goes to the other sch and cant believe i didnt say you go there and thats it

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wakeupandsmellthecoffee · 10/11/2013 12:44

I really get where your coming from .My DS was the only child that had the choice of two schools .
The one that everyone went to or the other one that only six other kids that had NO choice went to .
Seriously I went to he'll and back .I visited the not popular school at various times of the day .Morning ,lunchtime and home time
.I went on three school tours with my son and with out.I found a student teacher through a friend of a friend who had worked there.
Friend of a friend again who had had her boys go through the school and still had a child there.
I googled like mad.I went on rate my teacher for the school.
The two things that did it were the not popular school had pastoral care the other didn't,even though it a should have done.
And last but not least GUT FEELING.The popular school felt like it was saying Thanks for coming and the other school was like Thanks for coming but are you coming in for coffee.
A lot of hard work but worth it in the end .

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Coconutty · 10/11/2013 12:48

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witchywebsters · 10/11/2013 19:02

I'm not sure, but I think this may be at least the third thread that you've posted about this. It's obviously a huge issue for you, but I'm not sure if it really is the disaster you feel it is. I really agree with what you say that people shouldn't listen to playground opinions though.

If your dd is happy and settled and likes the school she's at then that's a good thing - it would be different if she was unhappy. It sounds as if you're in the grip of some awfully catastrophic thinking and you're ruminating a lot (in the depressive sense) on your decision. That must feel really crappy and miserable, I know, but you're not going to resolve it by even more thinking and what-ifing.

I do know how you feel - I went along with one subject decision for a dc then wished I hadn't. I sometimes ruminate and catastrophize too and it can feel impossible to let go of it, the worry and regret niggling and prodding at me. But it's done, it's finished, and there's no point me thinking about it any more.

Like your situation it's really not a disaster, either - just a regret. The outcome could still turn out to be great and I'm sure that's true of your dd's school choice, too, especially if she's enjoying being there and doesn't want to move. Do try and focus on that good possibility, nothing's black and white and there's an awful lot of grass is greener thinking going on when we dwell on things we regret. If you actually did have the thing you want, you could easily be worrying the other way and no better off.

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BackforGood · 10/11/2013 22:41

I totally disagree about not listening to others too - can be really informative to speak to people who already have children at a school. The point is, you take that information for what it is - one parent's opinion. Now, if you talk to 80 parents, and they are all saying something quite specific about a school that is something that would affect your decision, then it becomes a pretty reliable source IMO. If it's one Mother and her friend, and the others all say differently, then it becomes a less reliable source of information.

I do agree with all the posters saying that ultimately you have to look at the school, and find the one which best seems to suit your child, I certainly wouldn't make a decision as to where other parents were sending their child if I didn't feel the school were the best fit for my child.

However, I disagree it needs to be a disaster - you are regretting the decision, now you decide what to do a this stage. There are always children that move schools during Yr7- if that's what you think is the right thing, then set the wheels in motion.

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sunshine121 · 11/11/2013 08:51

Shes happy there and has settled in well and all family advice is to leave alone my deep seeted anxiety is that i heard a third hand rumour about a teacher and i cant get it out of my head

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witchywebsters · 11/11/2013 09:10

That's the issue isn't it, not so much the thought itself as the not being able to get it out of your head?

Bear in mind that at some point this year, next year, you would have also heard something you didn't like about the other school. If you have a tendency to catastrophize and ruminate then you would then have done that about that, too.

I think anyone who doesn't have a clear front-runner when it comes to listing preferences for schools, but who has to choose between two nearly equally good candidates, is stuck afterwards with more risk of moments of worrying and regretting. It just goes with having had to make a choice - people who had an obvious best choice (or unhappily no choice) don't have that issue. Moments of doubt and worry don't actually in themselves confirm that someone's made a mistake, they're actually completely normal. The ideal school would be a combination of the best points of both and doesn't exist so it would be impossible to actually feel 100% relaxed about either of them.

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titchy · 11/11/2013 09:17

Suggest you take your own advice and stop being influenced by others, but make your own mind up based on actual evidence.

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sunshine121 · 11/11/2013 09:26

Another mom said that someone else hadnt chose that school cause theyd heard that the head had been messing about with some girls its made me ill and cant get rid of the thought i wish to god shed never told me

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Pancakeflipper · 11/11/2013 09:32

Schools are a mass of rumours and so many are incorrect and sent around by a few to be malicious.
If you are truly concerned contact your Chair of Governors.

You sound really anxious,are you ok? (Besides worrying about this).

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Ecuador · 11/11/2013 09:34

Well I would worry too but if the rumour was at best 3rd hand then how can it be substantiated? Yes possibly speaking to the Governors and trying to put your mind at rest would really help?

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titchy · 11/11/2013 09:55

Oh dear God if it was true do you really think he'd still be in post?

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sunshine121 · 11/11/2013 09:59

Not ok really anxious cant get it out my head wish shed never told me id be non the wiser

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