Year 7 DS and substance misuse

[asianbabe]

My DS who is in Year 7 started at an inner city state secondary school six weeks ago. Previous to this my DS had been attending private school since the age of 7. There were many issues why he had to leave his private secondary school, he had an awful experience there, it was a very new school with inly 50 other children and the head took an instant dislike to my child and felt her school was not right for him. DS is quite chatty and loud character.

I evenuallly ended up changing DS school but from the onset my DS was picked on by other children being called posh, not knowing the right slang words, talking differently etc etc. Witihn the first week he was being physical assaulted by the other children, spat on, kicked, singled out, punched, constant name calling etc etc.

To be fair to the school they have always taken every incident very seriously
investigating and reprimanding the children concerned. Had a big meeting before the half term with the head of year and thought that things were finally sorted out.

Unfortunately, on retunring from the break my DS was threatened by another Year 7 child with a home made weapon. I informed the school, the child concerned was given an internal exclusion. My DS is left traumatised and is in pieces. I have also found out 2 days ago that in order to cope with the constant bullying my DS has resorted to inhaling areosol gases. My child has never had an issue with substance misuse before when I questioned him and aked why and how he knew what to do he iinforemd him that one of the children who had been bullying him had told him what to do!!!!!

Sorry for going on and on i'm at my wits end and just needed to let it all out.

[fuzzpigFriday]

How horrible that your DS has become a target. :(

Is there any way you can take him out of school and home educate for a while?

[rainbowinthesky]

I'd take him out immediately.

[asianbabe]

Thanks fuzzpigFriday for replying but unfortunately, home education is not really an option for us. I just don't know what else I should do.

[rainbowinthesky]

Why can't you take him out?

[asianbabe]

Due to the awful headteacher at his previuos school DS has already spent 4 months out of school as I had to find another school mid term. So I guess am concenred at the amount of education he has missed already.

[rainbowinthesky]

What would you do if, at work, you were being bullied to this extent? I would leave. I honestly wouldn't be sending my son to this school for one more day. He's not getting an education there anyway.
Homeeducate, move house, whatever, don't send him back.

[Caan]

I would take him out, without a doubt.

[asianbabe]

I'm slowly beginning to see that maybe that is the way to go. I had a meeting with the school and informed them that i'll only allow my child to return to school if a memeber of staff was able to be by my child's side all day. As the bullying takes place in and out of the classroom, while he is walking to and from lessons etc. Am thinking will this stigmatise my child further.

I cannot understand how children can be so cruel. The worst thing is its not just one child but over 100 other Year 7 who are making his life hell.

[takeonboard]

Your poor DS and poor you
Take him out. The substance abuse will stop, he isn't addicted yet is he? I would also take him to see your GP and ask for a referal to CAHMS.
He will soon catch up on what he has missed, don't worry about his education too much at the moment.
The good schools guide do private consultations and say they will find the right schoo for the childl and quickly in cases of bullying, I know of someone who used it and it worked out well for them.

[zeolite]

DS needs help, the sooner the better. Your GP will be able to refer to CAMHS where they will counsel and support him.

It sounds as if he needs to resolve his previous and current experience of school, so he does not blame himself and is able to move on. The academic aspects will sort themselves out when he has confidence in himself and his (new) school.

[asianbabe]

He has already been referred to CAMHS and I have spoken at length with him about the dangers of substance misuse. He has promised never to do it again. I've been proactive and removed all areosols from my home as well as not leaving him alone in the house.

The problem I have with taking him out of school is that all the other schools in the borough are similiar if not worse than this school. I live in one of the most deprived boroughs in London. Private school is also no longer an option anymore.

Me and my DH are desperately trying to save to move into better area where there are better schools, less social problems etc but houses are so expensive. I'm sorry if I offend anyone I dont mean to sound like a snob. I know there are bad schools with crap policies in good area as well. I just feel like a failiure and am not thinking straight at the moment.

[rainbowinthesky]

Are you saving to rent or buy? Are you both working? You must have been reasonably well off before to afford private up till this point? It's difficult to advise without more info about your circumstances (which of course you dont have to give) but I would prioritise him not to going back to that school over everything else.

[asianbabe]

We are currently renting a two bedroom property but are saving up to buy. We were only ever able to afford private school fees as we chose to rent in a cheap deprived area and used the bulk of our money for fees. Our thinking was that as DS had a pretty awful time at previuos private school we would put him in a state school and use the money we saved on fees towards a house within the catchment area of a better state school. I also had another DD recently so really did not want to pay fees for both. I hope that makes sense.

[noblegiraffe]

His mental health is more important than his education and he will not be learning much at his current school if he is being so badly bullied anyway. Taking him out, even if it means him missing more school, is obviously the way forward.

It took a suicide attempt for my friend who had a badly bullied child to learn the same lesson. :(

[zeolite]

OP you are not a failure, you are his refuge. The aerosol was a cry for help, as noblegiraffe said, it could have been a lot worse. Home education while you sort out somewhere with better schools may be an option.

[animula]

Contact kidscape. Really. Not only are they very good with strategies, they have also been known to help with placing secondary age children in schools with a good track record on anti-bullying.

I first came in contact with them years ago when I used to do various information-based work around young people and have recently come across them again when talking to people with children in your son's situation.

It was so great to hear that they are still going and still doing good, effective work.

Not all inner-city schools are the same. There are a good few out there that will help, and it would be a good idea to get on the case now with a view to transferring for yr 8.

And, of course, I am really saddened to hear of what your son has been through. And you are not a failure.

[TheFlyingOnion]

its only 6 weeks to summer holidays. Take him out and even if he goes back into the year below in September (through missing a lot) its not the end of the world.

It will give you time to think. Can you apply for bursaries?

[MumblingRagDoll]

Poor DS. I agree that it was a cry for help and quite possibly an attempt to fit in.

Tke him out.. give him lots of attention and start looking at schools further afield.

Bless him.

[BertieBotts]

Home Ed he will easily catch up as they learn a lot more quickly one-on-one. There are lots of online resources as well. Even if it's a short term plan, post on the home ed board here, they are really helpful and will point you in the direction of all sorts of things.

[fivegomadindorset]

Take him out, explore burseries and scholarship options at private schools aswell, state boarding schools could be an option.

[Doobydoo]

Firstly Take Him Out.You cannot afford to let him continue at this school.You would have a good case if you were questioned.Your son's safety and health is paramount...he is so young.
Good luck.

[LynetteScavo]

I agree with taking him out.Now. Find a decent school in a cheaper area and rent there.

He will catch up. I doubt he is learning much at the moment, anyway.