Secondary school friendships

[assumpta]

Hi my dd, almost 14, who is a chatty, witty and outgoing girl, is having a few issues with a couple of her school friends. Her bf for the last two and a half years suddenly turned on her after Christmas and seems to be trying to turn the rest of the group on her too, by leaving her out of things. The most recent being a small gathering happening tomorrow. All of the other girls in the group, and even one of dd other friends that doesn't really hang out with them all the time has been invited, but not her. She feels so sad and upset by this, and although it is not ex- bf that is organising it, it is ex-bf's 'new' friend. This 'new' friend is shortly leaving the area, but I think it is going to continue and continue... Any advice for her or me please.

[tropicalfish]

I'm afraid I think this is typical girl behaviour in my experience.
I'm also afraid that this sort of behaviour even happens in adult life.
I think the best approach is to tell your daughter not to burn her bridges but also find other friends.

[Ishani]

It's so hard seeing your girls go through all this nonsense isn't it ?
I just tell mine that this period is almost to be endured and they will come out the other side in one piece and get to chose a whole new social life with like minded people when they get to university.

[mountaingirl]

My Dd 13 has the same problem. BF an only child and a manipulative little witch. Dd getting stronger now but have just seen a horrible exchange between her and BF on her Facebook chat section. Thank god it wasn't on the wall. Have told Dd (many times) to watch what she writes/ how she responds, the written word is often more awful than the spoken. It really is difficult for these girls nowadays. Everything is so public and the TV sets such a terrible example. Wish I could just protect her from it all. It is worrying when young girls kill themselves over situations like this.

[ivykaty44]

Don't say anything bad - or too bad about ex best friend or the other girl, as they may make up in the furture.

Keep out of it mostly but do empathises and get your dd to talk if she wants

Encourage other friendships, in life we need more than one friend and groups of friends in other areas - does she have outside school firends or sports friends? If so encourage that atm to make her feel good abut herslef and that school isn't the whole deal/package just like work isn't

a few treats but don't mention why, just to perk her up a cinema trip or girls shopping trip or both even

[maggiethecat]

I've got two girls, 7 and 4, and shudder to think that I'll have this to look forward to.

[RatherBeOnThePiste]

We have had problems like this within DD's group of friends and they are exactly the same age.

My advice to DD is never to engage on text or facebook as these can be misunderstood, and the best thing to do is to talk face to face. She is doing this now which is better.

It comes and goes. I posted on the teenager section and got some very welcome supportive comments.

I agree with ivykaty on the unexplained treat - maybe a manicure / buy her a new top etc.

They seem to be incredibly competitive yet insecure at the moment. And there is always one who wants to know everyone's buisness! This is without boyfriends too. Actaully our DD has lots of mates who are boys, and they seem sane!