Home Alone?? The move from junior to secondary school.

[WaterlooSunset]

How do working parents manage the transition when their kids have been used to round the clock care at junior school? Suddenly to be faced with over two hours to cope alone after school must be very hard and lonely, especially when they are also getting used to a new environment. How have other working parents dealt with this?

[bluejeans]

My DD goes to secondary next year and my plan is to use a child minder for the first year. DD would walk there and arrive just after the child minder returns from collecting the primary school children. Would this work for you? Our schools have a half day on Friday so feel I need something in place, at least for the transition period.

[WaterlooSunset]

That sounds like a good idea, I hadn't considered it, I guess as it's not an option I've used before. I would need to see if anyone is available at the right times.

[WaterlooSunset]

I suppose my only concern with this idea is that it might seem 'uncool' to be having to do this when her frinds are all gaining more independence. That might seem trivial, but I know it's a really difficult time to fit in with the crowd, and I'd hate her to get off to a bad start where she is seen as 'babyish'. Do you think this is a legitimate worry?

[pleasekeepcalmandcarryon]

With my first DD I had a childminder who lived 2 minutes away. I let DD have a key but also came to an arrangement with the CM so DD could go home, get changed but then go to CM for tea.

By Yr12 she had changed so much and was much more independent so just came home on her own.

That first year of secondary is difficult but most do mature a lot in that year.

[roisin]

Also, for many children the secondary school day is so much longer.
My boys were out of the house c.8.30 - 3.30 on a regular school day at primary.

But with secondary (with a bus journey) it's 7.45 - 4.15.

[bluejeans]

Waterloo Yes, this is the potential flaw to my plan, that DD will find it uncool! I know how important it is to fit in. She is certainly happy with the plan at the moment but I'm sure she will grow up a lot in the next year and a bit. We're in Scotland so she'll be 12 when she goes, but I still think she's young to get a key and let herself in. Is your DC starting this year and how old are they?

[WaterlooSunset]

My DD is only 10, so has another year to go at primary yet - I'm just trying to think ahead.

For dd, the school day will be a lot shorter, as we live close to the secondary school (which has a very early finish), whereas now she is at school for both breakfast and after-school clubs on most days.

I do feel it will be the first year that will be particularly difficult - it's that transition year that bothers me. But as well as the 'home-alone' worry I'm equally concerned about her fitting in with her peers and being able to do whatever is the norm for her class-mates.

[MarinaResurgens]

This applies to us three days a week and ds, who was only just 11 when he started at secondary, was adamant from the outset that he wanted to be home alone from about 4.15 to 5.45 on those days. We established routines and agreement about door and phone answering, what to do in an emergency etc, and it has worked fine. He even put the dinner on - once.
We worked up to it by leaving him home alone a few times during Y6 and obviously made sure he was comfortable with keys and unlocking the house etc.
It helped me to know that as well as good neighbours on all sides, he had a reliable cornershop and his own primary school within five mins' walk if he was locked out. And a PAYG mobile of course.

[hatwoman]

I've been thinking about this too. (not for now as I work from home - but in 2-3 years when I may be working outside the home, with both dds at secondary school). dh would be home 3 days - leaving 2 days with a question mark over them.

I was actually kind of wondering whether to see if I could find some fabulous multi-tasking wonder-person who would be a housekeeper/dog-walker/teen-keeping an eye on-er. not sure if it's feasible (if anyone would take it on) or desirable (would they be better having their independence?)

[Stricnine]

My DD likes the time alone after school to unwind in the peace and quiet of her own house..

We had started 'trialing' the idea when in the last year of primary and had been leaving her at odd times to nip out, so she was used to the idea of being in the house alone.

She quickly mastered the alarm and key so we've had no major panics, she once locked herself out/forgot the key but just went to a friend's house and called me at work... so again no harm done.

Definately enjoys the independence :)

[tropicalfish]

My dc is at home on their own after school.
I have the front door key attached to a strap on her bag so physically cant leave key in door when they get back from school. I think that is a good idea.

[GRW]

I have a keysafe and my year 7 very sensible DD used to let herself in when she got home by bus at about 4.15. I sometimes don't get in until 6.45pm, so on those days she walked to her old childminders house. Now she's in year 8 she has stayed home alone until 6.45pm.

[Clary]

My y7 child actually used to walk to and from school himself in yr 6 anyway.

He also had considerable freedom in his last year at junior school, in part to prep for secondary - eg going to shop on errands, going to local park with pals for an hour etc.

I work but I get home by 4pm; Ds1 who is almost 12 and DD who is 10 this summer have been walking home by themselves/with friends and letting themselves in all year. It has been fine (in practice DD esp only does it about once a week because of after-school clubs/other parent taking her to dance class straight from school etc).

They are not here for two hours on their own tho. That's quite a long time. I guess see if they were happy?

Are there really 11yos who are not used to being alone in the house at all?

[Decorhate]

It's probably worth investigating whether the secondary school runs after-school activities. My dd's doesn't but lots do. That could cover an additional hour or so. The downside is that in winter it's going to be darker as they make their way home....

You could also see if your child could go around to a friends house after school maybe once a week or so. I was happy to do this for dd's friend - I was a sahm at the time.

[tinkgirl]

DS started yr 7 last september so we were facing this last year, DS is quite sensible though so we decided to give him a key. Started off by leaving him in the house on his own whilst I popped to the shops during the holidays last year, I think this helped a little. Set some very strict rules - he has to ring either me or DH from the landline number when he gets home so that we know that he is there.

Have also encouraged after school clubs, they go on for about an hour afterschool which also helps. He usually walks home in a group as well.

[Decorhate]

And being alone for a couple of hours after school is nothing compared to whole days during the school holidays - most holiday clubs don't cater for secondary school kids...

[HSMM]

I just gave my DD a lot more independence during the Summer holidays and she was more or less ready to fend for herself by the time she started school in September.

[LaydeeC]

I used to worry about this with my Yr7 dtr as I am not at home 3 days a week. It then occurred to me that she is having to negotiate public transport daily in rush hour and yet I was worried about her being at home on her own for an hour in a safe place.
Problem solved in my mind.

[foxinsocks]

We only get in from work at 7ish so there's no way I could leave dd on her own that long every day. Luckily (in a way), I still have a younger ds so we'll carry on using the same childcare plans we used at primary.

She already goes to and from school on her own now (yr6) so I expect her to do the same at secondary. But I think we'll need someone at home for the year and because of ds, that will end up being the first 2 years!