My feed
Premium

Please
or
to access all these features

Connect with other parents whose children are starting secondary school on this forum.

Secondary education

GCSE English query

51 replies

sieglinde · 09/04/2011 11:46

Ok, maybe this should be in AIBU, but I'm utterly gobsmacked; 16-year-old son just got this feedback on one of his GCSE writing tasks:

I'll start with the IED writing. Two points: I don't suppose you'll ever write in a sustained informal register but for this particular purpose your vocabulary does need adjusting: too much of it is "fine writing" vocab. and could be interpreted as inappropriate/misunderstanding task. I know you'll say that's the way you write/talk... but it's risky. Of course you need to show some variety of register... but I still think it's too weighted towards the self-consciously Latinate. You are allowed to chat on paper, when the task demands it.... You have to shape your writing deliberately to show off these things... and change your aim from being "impressive" to something more punchy/journalistic.

I'm happy to say IABU, but I don't get it. I'd be really grateful for advice - it looks like he's being told to write in a less posh way. But it's English, ffs. I mean, why shouldn't he be doing fine writing? Why does he have to write a letter in a 'sustained informal register'? And what is wrong with the Latinate? I'd be really grateful for an explanation form some kind-hearted teacher! My son's teacher just seems to think this is how all 16-year-olds naturally write...

OP posts:
Report
mumblechum1 · 09/04/2011 11:52

Would he mind if you c&p'd his work so we have something to cross reference?

Report
TheMonster · 09/04/2011 11:57

What was the task?

Report
slipshodsibyl · 09/04/2011 12:14

It all depends on context and the title and aim of the task is needed before comment may be made on the teacher's response.

Report
roisin · 09/04/2011 12:38

One of the assessment criteria for English is writing appropriate to task: ie form and audience.

So students need to show an appreciation that a magazine article for teenagers will be written in a different style to a letter to the Mayor, for example.

What was the task? Was this a mock exam? Paper 2b?

Report
sieglinde · 09/04/2011 13:49

Many thanks for all replies; I've tried to answer all the very helpful questions. This was a mock exam. Task is apparently called IED. Inform Explain Describe. It was supposed to be a letter to a family he knew; it didn't give eg an age, such as 'a person of your own age', which I suppose might have given him more of a steer. Thing is, he really does write like this. I mean, nobody older had a hand in it.

I've pasted it in below.

You mentioned in your last letter that you were planning on staying in Saint Malo for three days while in Brittany and, knowing how often I go there, you wanted some advance reports from a source you can trust.

It?s actually quite a small town, despite the skirts of gas stations and aquaria that dot the long multi lane roads to the promontory on which it sits. It?s castled, fortified behind sanded walls of rough stone that hug the cliff face above the sea, a now well maintained relic of its days as a medieval fortress.

It?s also nearly impossible to get into by car, as it is a relatively popular tourist destination due to its inordinately pleasant beaches. This will come as bad news to you given your hatred of the noise produced by crowds, but they stay mainly in the centre of town unless on the largest beach, dodging from one ice cream place to another where sensible business men have raised their stalls.

Their enthusiasm is understandable ? the beach is one of the best I?ve seen outside the Pacific. But the beach they flock to is the wrong one. The beach you?d like best is a quiet little beach in the shadow of the walls, a tiny rocky stairway clattering down onto the sand, the sharp corroded edges of rocks blocking it off from the outside world and noise, while creating tiny rock pools filled with thick red seaweed and sea molluscs, clinging to the sharp stones. The odd Breton with an enthusiastic dog will wander down here to release their pet into the foam, but the dogs make quiet, lively companions to one?s thoughts. I particularly liked the place because of the oysters I could find and pry from the rocks, slurping them from their shells. This will not appeal to you, however.

Which brings me to the other disadvantage from your viewpoint: the notable lack of any restaurants in Saint Malo that don?t serve solely seafood. It?s hardly surprising, as it did start its life as a fishing village, but nevertheless probably unwelcome from your standpoint.

But there is some good news. Last time I went there, on my second last day I was tired of eating fish and desperate for a change. Nothing on earth could have persuaded me to digest the slimy horrors on sale to the unsuspecting tourist a few blocks away, so wandering the streets I searched for a café to at least have a drink. My eye, thankfully, was caught by one of the best creperies I have ever had the pleasure of eating at. The sweet crepes were light and crisp, and best of all they served the thick buckwheat savoury crepes, available with everything from bacon to aubergine, that Bretons are so fond of.

There is one place you will definitely want to brave the crowds for however; on an island separated from the main body of France by a bridge that emerges at low tide, seeming to rise up like a house through fog, lies the final resting place of that great author Chateaubriand, whose works you are so fond of.

I hope this information is of use to you, and I hope you enjoy your trip.

OP posts:
Report
TheMonster · 09/04/2011 15:05

Whilst it is a very well written piece, it is too formal for the task.

Report
slipshodsibyl · 09/04/2011 16:08

Yes, it is very good but too formal. And if he is clever enough to write so nicely I expect he is clever enough to make himself more sensitive to style. An inability to change from a slightly professorial style when the occasion calls for it is a disadvantage. It's convention.

English at GCSE and A Level is not about accuracy only but about sensitivity to style and form. This is true of lit too. I would have thought the ref to "a family you know" should be enough of a steer really, and probably will be once he's thought about it. I thought the response was pretty constructive. Hope he does well - I am sure he will.

Report
PixieOnaLeaf · 09/04/2011 16:20

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn

cory · 09/04/2011 16:32

Agree, very good level of expectation from teacher here; for your ds, who is obviously very clever, learning to adapt to a wide range of registers is going to be an enormous professional advantage. Unless it was specifically stated that the family in question were highly formal elderly academics, the letter is just slightly off; the tone could actually be quite off-putting for any ordinary family. In fact, even amongst elderly academics (which is where I spend most of my time) this letter would raise a smile, because it is so obviously divorced from any real-life context.

Basically, your dd is somebody who is obviously very, very good: his teacher wants him to be the very best he can be. He should take it as a compliment. I told a student of mine last week that while 74% (a First) is a nice mark, 84% is even nicer and that's what he should be aiming for. He did take it as a compliment.

Report
frakyouveryverymuch · 09/04/2011 16:35

Much, much too formal for 'a letter to a family you know'. I agree with what the teacher wrote.

The grammar and vocabulary is too complex so it sounds unnatural and the whole tenor is very distant so that loses points for not interpreting the question.

Your DS may have a very formal way about him and use phrases like 'digest the slimy horrors on sale' as part of his everyday speech but the majority of people writing to someone they know would say that solely to poke fun. Not knowing how to adapt his writing will cost him marks.

Report
sieglinde · 09/04/2011 16:36

Thank you so much for all these very helpful, kind and positive comments. I'm most grateful. I wonder what kind of reading would help him understand what 'informal' means? Can only think of Salinger, which seems a bit dated.

OP posts:
Report
TheMonster · 09/04/2011 16:38

Surely he understands what informal means. He just didn't think to use it in this particular task.

Report
PixieOnaLeaf · 09/04/2011 16:39

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn

frakyouveryverymuch · 09/04/2011 16:42

I don't think there is any particular reading for boys. For a girl I'd say chicklit because it 'talks' to you like you're a friend, although lad lit does exist! Adrian Mole would be too satirical an example of how your DS is writing.

Informal is the tone one would use when writing to a friend so there aren't many books for boys in that style.

Report
sieglinde · 09/04/2011 17:11

Golly, I don't think he writes letters to friends... it's more sup dude later man sent as a text.:) I think he does understand what informal means in general, just not for a GCSE paper. The Travel section sounds a great idea. Thanks to all of you once more.

OP posts:
Report
BecauseImWoeufIt · 09/04/2011 17:17

I wouldn't bother reading the Travel section - IMO that's what your DS has written - a review rather than a letter.

Whilst it's very well written (well done that boy!), it is a bit too self-consciously 'clever' in style and tone, as if it were written for a newspaper article. A letter would be completely different.

It would be a good idea to get him to start writing letters, so that he can work out how to express himself. Does he have grandparents who would be prepared to write back to him, or any other friends/family a distance away who would participate in a letter-writing exercise?

Report
BecauseImWoeufIt · 09/04/2011 17:19

Or - another idea - get hold of an epistolary novel and see if this helps. I believe The Guernsey Literary Potato Peel Society was written this way.

It's probably still a bit stylised, but might help.

Report
PixieOnaLeaf · 09/04/2011 18:15

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn

sieglinde · 09/04/2011 18:54

Thanks for this. Actually, his only grandparents live very near, so not much letter-writing there! Maybe an imaginary correspondence is an idea. I know he liked at least one epistolary novel, Sorcery and Cecilia - but it's set in the eighteenth century, IIRC. POAL, which paper do you buy? Maybe we should buy it too and stop being all Observer and Times. :)

OP posts:
Report
PixieOnaLeaf · 09/04/2011 19:03

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn

TheCowardlyLion · 09/04/2011 19:04

I recognise the task - it's from an OCR paper - and I would recommend that you get him to read some Giles Coren and some Bill Bryson for a taste of how to write fairly highbrow stuff in a very accessible, informal style. Maybe have a look at Eddie Izzard's autobiography, Dressed to Kill, as well. That's what I give my students.

Report
sieglinde · 09/04/2011 20:40

Thanks - it's def all my fault then, because I can't stand any of them. So incredibly sure their thoughts are VERY FUNNY. Just male egos taking up space. Ive met Coren, alas Sorry; I'm sure they are just what he needs for the exam.

OP posts:
Report

Don’t want to miss threads like this?

Weekly

Sign up to our weekly round up and get all the best threads sent straight to your inbox!

Log in to update your newsletter preferences.

You've subscribed!

slipshodsibyl · 09/04/2011 20:56

I expect that if he is happy to write in text-speak to his chums, he is quite capable of altering his style without modelling his writing on Giles Coren. I think his teacher sounds as if he/she is more than capable of advising him.

Report
Clary · 09/04/2011 23:59

Can I just say, what a great thread?!

Brilliant advice from posters and an OP who took it on board really well. (Makes a change from people posting for advice, only to get narky when it's not what they hoped it would be!)

Gold star to all of you (and esp your DS, OP, whose work gives me (I work in a secondary school covering all kinds of subjects) hope for the future! Grin

Report
TheCowardlyLion · 10/04/2011 08:27

Arf at slipshodsibyl's po-faced "he is quite capable of altering his style without modelling his writing on Giles Coren." Poor old Giles! Fortunately as an English teacher, I can help my students discuss the merits (or lack of) a style of writing without feeling the need to exhaustively explore whether we like the person writing or not Grin. And whether you like Coren or not, for the purposes of teaching and exploring styles of writing, he is bloody fantastic. And also exactly what your DS's teacher means by 'more punchy/journalistic'.

Report
Please create an account

To comment on this thread you need to create a Mumsnet account.