WWYD?

[LoveMyGirls]

Dd1 has a girl in her class who is at best a bit of an attention seeker, at worst a bully but she pretends to be dd1's friend and acts innocent when dd1 tells her not to do things or that she has upset her, dd1 has now told her in no uncertain terms to leave her alone, she does not want to be friends with this girl as she is also horrible to dd1's best friend. All par for the course up to now I would guess? I know girls do fall out quite a bit and it's to be expected right?

A few weeks ago the girl sprayed perfume in my dd1's eye and claimed it was by accident and she had actually meant it for someone else (makes it no better in my book as she was trying to hurt someone by doing that) I was really upset for dd1 and told her to tell a teacher but she only told student services who didn't do anything about it apart from help dd to wash her eye. So when I went to parents evening I mentioned it to the form tutor as I was still not happy about it and wanted to warn him to keep an ear out for any more trouble from this girl.

The teacher spoke to the girl and informed her parents about her behaviour and dd1 is not the only girl to be complaining about the girl

Now this girl has been horrible to dd on msn, calling her a liar and having a go at her for telling a teacher about the perfume. So I explained dd would like her to leave her alone, I understand for whatever reason she dislikes my dd1 and that's ok, we can't all like everyone all the time but that leaving her alone and keeping out of her way would be better than being horrible to her. The girl thought I was dd1 and wouldn't believe I was dd1's mum, when she realised it was me she went offline and I have blocked her so dd1 doesn't have to put up with any more abuse.

I don't want to kick up a huge fuss unless there is no other option, I have tried to keep it reasonable and low key but tbh I am fed up now, my dd1 goes to school to learn and I am not happy with the situation.

WWYD? What can I do? I don't want to make it worse for dd1 but this girl is not listening to dd1 asking her to keep away from her, she follows her around at school, calls her ugly and a liar etc.

Driving dd home last week I saw this girl kicking puddles of water over the girls she was walking with and laughing at them, they didn't seem to mind so I didn't interfer but it showed me that she doesn't have any respect even for the friends she currently has.

[LoveMyGirls]

bump

[Minx179]

Did you keep copies of the face book messages?

Speak to the school again. Ideally HOY or head.

Start keeping a record of the incidents your dd tells you about.

If the bullying continues and the school do little/nothing to support your dd you can go to the police.

[TheMonster]

I would report the cyber bullying to the school (head of year is usually a good bet) as schools have to treat that seriously.

[NonnoMum]

There is a big push at the moment in schools at trying to eliminate internet bullying.

Contact the head/head of year in the morning before it gets any worse.

[LoveMyGirls]

I've written in dd1's organiser so she can show the teacher tomorrow if this girl says anything to her.

I have blocked her so she can no longer contact dd outside of school, she does still have dd1's phone number but hasn't contacted her by phone yet.

We have saved all the conversations.

This is the 3rd person to give dd1 problems since she started in September but she is doing incredibly well with school work despite the problems, at parents evening last week she was praised highly by every teacher, one teacher said she had done a class survery asking which child was most liked when doing group work and said my dd's name was mentioned the most.

The school have been very good so far with dealing with the issues so I trust they will do again this time but I am wary of dd1 always being the one to cry "bully" and don't want her labelled as a stirrer or a trouble maker. All incidents we have reported to the school have been accurate so it isn't that dd1 is making them up, she also knows I take things like this seriously and they will be dealt with. The last 2 children were boys and picked on her because of her size, one did write her a letter of apology and they have both left her alone since.

[LoveMyGirls]

I will write the incidences in dd1's organiser so it can all be kept in one place and be with her at school if she needs to show a teacher at any time, is that a good idea?

[Newrumpus]

You need to tell the school. I would speak to the form tutor in the morning - if possible ask to speak to him before school, if not, send a note in saying that the matter is sensitive and you need to speak to him as he has dealt with the issues in the past. Then you need to make it clear that the matter has got worse, that you have kept all the 'evidence' and that you'd like the form tutor to pass this on. He will then know which is the most effective route to take for immediate action - head teachers can be out of school a lot but there will be a member of senior staff responsible for dealing with this. I expect some serious action would be taken then. Good luck.

[LoveMyGirls]

Dh takes dd1 to school and goes straight to work as I take dd2 to a different school, I could ring the school and speak to the form tutor though.

I have told dd1 if the girl comes up to her tomorrow and starts having a go at her she is to not look at her or say anything at all to her but walk and find a teacher and stand by them until either the girl walks off or the teacher tells her off, I very much doubt the girl would continue her behaviour infront of a teacher, do you? Then once she has gone dd1 is to go and find her form tutor and explain what has happened.

[Newrumpus]

Good plan. This kind of thing can be really stressful for kids so do get it sorted for her asap.

[LoveMyGirls]

Thanks, I really want to handle this the best way I can. I'm sure the girl has her own issues and is taking it out on my dd BUT that is not my problem or concern, dd1 is and I won't have her treated like this dd1 is being really good about it, not getting upset - more angry if anything but is keeping her cool which I really would not have done at her age tbh.

[Newrumpus]

The school will be well aware of the other girl's 'issues' and they will take that into account. As you say, your dd is your responsibility - the school will know how to balance the best interests of both but the more forthcoming you are, the better equipped they will be to help.

[LoveMyGirls]

Dd1 asked me not to call the school this morning so I haven't but I have text her to make sure she is ok, I will ring the school later today if anything has happened today.

[onceamai]

I think you need to liaise with the school but you need to do it at arms length and try to equip your daughter with the skills to deflect this girl and other difficult people she might come up against. It all sounds a bit too intense to me.