tips for helping dd deal with not been selected for selective school

[liquidamber]

We are waiting to hear whether dd has been accepted by a selective school. It is very competitive and tbh, a little bit of a lottery, as it is heavily oversubscribed. No children from dd?s school got in last year. I?m laid back about it, if dd gets in it would be wonderful, but I think she has about a 50% chance and the alternative school is good and I?m sure she would do well there too.

However, dd is having bad dreams everynight that she won?t be selected. Unfortunately. a lot of dd?s friends and even their parents who are less aware of how competitive it is, have said to dd ?of course you will get in?, and I think their expectations is putting pressure on her. She seems to t hink everyone will think she is thick if she doesn?t get selected.

I wonder if anyone has any advice about how to help her deal with any sense of failure or rejection if she doesn?t get selected?

Thanks.

[Tangled]

Hi there. Very hard isn't it. I would keep focusing on the other school also being very good and how much luck is involved. Shame we can't keep them in a bubble until its all over. I am having the same issue.

[liquidamber]

Thanks Tangled,
I did leave the prospectus for the alternate school out and chat about how good it is, and that if there are more clever children than places they can?t all get in to the selective school, but she was telling me today it was like the ugly ducking story in reverse- everyone thinks she is clever now but if she doesn?t ?get in? they will see that she is not and quack at her (!) apparently .

Hope it goes well with your dc

[Tangled]

Well, she is very clever, what a clever thing to say.

I have pointed out to my dd that sometimes we cannot tell what the outcome of things will be. We may think that something is bad but it turns out to be good. The reverse may also be true. I have had many instances of this in my life that i use to point this out. The job that I failed to get only a week later to be offered an even better one. The time when we had to move and were deeply unhappy about it, but when we got there we made more and better friends than we had ever had. I think this has helped her.

My dd also has a reputation for being "clever" from the outside world. I try not to label her in this way, but others do don't they. It will be hard for them if they don't get in. We will just have to come on here and scream

[Tangled]

When do you find out ? We have to wait until March.

[AMumInScotland]

You said that nobody from her school got in last year - how "clever" were those children? Did your DD know some of them, and know that they were clever? Ask her if her opinion of them changed when they didn't get in. Ask her if anyone else suddenly decided they can't have been clever after all.

I'll bet they didn't, and everyone said the school was stupid and weird for not taking them.

[liquidamber]

That's a good idea MumInScotland, thanks, I'll do that,

Tangled - we find out next week so not a long wait thankfully.