Sanity check on my proposal to dd please

[brassick]

Dd1 (14) has been offered the chance to go on a school trip to South Africa as part of the netball team - the rugby team will be going as well.

The trip isn't until July 2013, so we have been given plenty of notice. However, it is going to cost £2,100 .

I have told dd that she needs to earn or save all of her spending money (I am thinking £500) and contribute £300 towards the cost of the trip. Of course, this will still mean we have to find £1,800...

We don't have to say definitely one way or another until after the Easter holidays, so I have told dd that she needs to have saved £125 by then or I will not agree for her to go. I'm trying to make her see that I need to know she is committed to saving, as I DO NOT want to be in a position of having to find the extra money for her at the last minute.

I've also told her that this trip will constitute her birthday and Christmas presents for the next two years.

She has agreed to this, and I have actually drawn up a written contract to this effect. Obviously it isn't a legal document, but dd is notorious for "misremembering" things, and trying to find loopholes in things (eg "you said birthdays and Christmases, but you didn't say which ones").

She has got very annoyed at this and gone off ranting and raving about "not trusting" her.

It's not that I don't trust her, I just don't want any ambiguity about this. I need her to realise that she needs to commit to a savings plan and keep it up.

Do you think I'm being over the top?

[Marlinspike]

I would speak to the school and see if they are planning to do any fundraising - my13 yr old DD is doing a World Challenge trip in May (£1200); so far she's raised £550 by doing - bagpacking, bun sales; clothes & card sale; doing my washing for me (for which I pay her!), and saving some of her pocket money. If the school don't plan to arrange anything, could parents get together?

Can she get a paperround?

Yes, I think it's a good idea to get her commitment from the outset, and to break it down into monthly amounts - it sound a bit less daunting then. I would suggest she opens a separate savings account to pay money in to as well.


Good luck!

[Marlinspike]

She's raised this since July, so she's averaging £90 per month - if your DD could raise £70 per month between now and July 2013, she'd be there!

[brassick]

They are planning on doing fundraising, but that will be to cover the "extras" that aren't included in the £2,100 - eg not all meals are included, and extra excursions etc.

However, I'm sure you will be relieved to know that they will be going on a safari as part of the basic price...

One day I will be able to go on a holiday like that...

[Marlinspike]

Bloody hell!

Have they got a big take up for this trip?

[brassick]

Not sure, but certainly dd's best friend group are all going (including one set of twins!).

It's such a huge amount of money I really want her to understand the sacrifice necessary. If this was just given her on a plate, how will she ever understand about budgeting etc?

[brassick]

Oh and well done to your dd, by the way.

[Goingspare]

Heavens, I'm dreading this. DD was happy to go on a netball weekend in Torbay rather than a skiing trip this year, but I can see this happening to us before long.

I think I would be inclined to sit down with her and write out together what the agreement would be, but I think you're going about it the right way.

[Marlinspike]

Yeah - just ask who baked all the buns!!!!

Yes, I agree ours DC's have to learn about the value of money [sounding like my dad emoticon]
My DD decided that she now doesn't like losing pocket money for her trip, and will just make it up with another couple of bag packs - I shouted explained to her that the whole point was that we were paying some, she was paying some, and some was fundraising... why should she expect the good folk in Morrisons to completely subsidise her holiday?

Good luck with your DD!

[FreudianSlipIntoMyLaptop]

I think it's a reasonable arrangement.

Why is she getting all huffy about it? In her shoes I'd be so grateful for you finding £1800 that I'd willingly put up with any amount of contract-writing!

[brassick]

Yes, my dd is always full of plans about how she will save £X per week, and then goes shopping with her friends and blows it all.

Or she puts together a timetable including 20 mins of yoga before she does her homework and then practices her flute before she sits down with MSN, facebook and the TV...these plans usually last 2 days at the most.

We can't afford for this to happen in this case.

[brassick]

She's mainly getting huffy about it because she's 14

And she usually gets huffy when she knows the other person is right, and she doesn't want to admit it...

The joys of teenagers.

[PollyMorfic]

I think it's entirely reasonable, or quite generous, actually.

My 15yo was going to go on a trip to Hong Kong with the Rangers, and we had a similar arrangement re saving a proportion of the fee. We set up a passbook savings account, and she had to make regular payments into it, including her birthday and Christmas money. In the end she decided that she didn't want to go, so used the money to fund something different, but I think it was making her save that brought her to the conclusion that she wanted other things more than she wanted to go to HK -- if we'd just written a cheque for the full amount she'd have gone without a backward glance, I'm sure of it.

I do think she will still need a few small christmas and birthday presents, though, but having the trip in lieu of a big present is perfectly reasonable. Writing it down is a good way of formalising it.

I don't think it does them any harm to realise that if you want something enough you have to make sacrifices for it.

[brassick]

She will still get "token" presents, I'm sure. Don't think I could be quite that mean!