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Connect with other parents whose children are starting secondary school on this forum.

Secondary education

Facebook bullying

17 replies

Alfreda · 02/10/2010 22:31

12 y/o son is getting into quite a pickle with this. Erstwhile best friend (female) has got to the stage of issuing threats, the latest being don't come into school Monday, sort yourself out or someone will sort you out....

Issuing physical threats online is illegal as far as I know, but what exactly to do about it? The first and obvious thing is to stop son's FB and mobile phone access which we have done today, although his account is still live.

Do we approach the school, the girl or facebook? Anyone been here before?

Thanks

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electra · 02/10/2010 22:34

Poor you I would not approach the girl - presumably she's a minor? I do think you should approach the school though.

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bruffin · 02/10/2010 22:47

Take a screen print of any threats and report to school. Dcs school take anything like this very seriously.

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Alfreda · 02/10/2010 22:56

Thanks. Done the copy.

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Talker2010 · 02/10/2010 23:51

School cannot actually do anything

You should contact the police if you think the threats are serious or the girl's parents if you know them and think it is not serious

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Tabliope · 03/10/2010 00:48

Agree school probably won't do much - they'll say they can't control what is happening outside of school. There is a report button on FB. Happened to my DS and I reported them and the offending page was removed. Still inform the school as the trouble could carry on in school and they need to be aware. It's a bit mean but i would also report she's under 13 and FB will remove her page.

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bruffin · 03/10/2010 02:24

Depends on the school. In the two case I know of cyberbully at my dcs school, they took it very seriously.
Ist case children put in ALE for two days then on report for two weeks. Parents bought in and boys spoken to by police.

2nd case
Parent bought in, phone banned from school (school allows phones but in the case fb was accessed by mobile during school hours). I also think girl was put on report. This all happened within hours of reporting the incident.
DCs school does take bullying very seriously and seems to be very effective at stopping it whether it is inside or outside of school.

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RangTang4 · 03/10/2010 05:06

I would write to school and school governers.

This usually works - they may do a conflict resolution exercise. My daughter was stamped on twice by a little trouble maker from an horrendous background.

This worked very well.

Get the police involved if this fails.

Or take child out if all else fails.

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massivemammaries · 03/10/2010 05:15

TBH I think the average kid would be seriously fucked off if they got banned from facebook and when they open another account, report them again! they will give up eventually.

The other thing to say is that if you block a person on facebook, they can't even see your profile, let alone contact you!

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ravenAK · 03/10/2010 05:28

Firstly, I wouldn't've stopped ds's phone or FB - a bit mean to be punished when you're the victim of bullying. OK, I'm sure you didn't intend it as a punishment, but that's the outcome from ds's POV...

He should block this girl from contacting him, though. & do report any offensive/threatening posts to FB - not that there's much they can do, but they should delete them at least.

If you know the parents/unless you've reason to believe they wouldn't be supportive, I'd call them & let them know what's going on. If they're on side, then hopefully they can give their dd an almighty rollicking. & then either remove her access to FB, mobile etc, or at the very least monitor it a tad more effectively.

If that's not an option, or it's not entirely resolved, then I'd ring school. If she's threatening to 'sort him out' in school, they'll certainly take it seriously. Head of Year/Pastoral bod is probably your first point of contact, but go direct to the HT if you aren't happy with how it's dealt with. Governors are a last resort.

& make it abundantly clear to all parties that you have a folder full of dated screen grabs as evidence, you & ds are keeping a record of incidents, & if it flares up again, you'll not hesitate to involve the police.

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NetworkGuy · 03/10/2010 05:39

agree with mm and Raven that to stop victim from using facility is double kick in teeth...

There was a three part programme on Radio 4 a year or two back about bullying and in many cases immediate reaction from parent is to ban victim from using (part of/sites on) internet which is exactly the last thing the youngster wants as it restricts them from contact with true friends.

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seeker · 03/10/2010 05:39

Don't stop his phone or facebook - it's not his fault! And now he can't contact his real friends. If you or he think it's an empty threat, jus get her to block her and forget about it. If he's really worried, talk to the school in the first instance. Remember to keep copies of all the evidence.

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Alfreda · 03/10/2010 09:36

Unfortunately he has been going online and begging everyone he knows to be his friend, which is inviting more abuse. He can't seem to stop himself and has been doing this in the middle of the night. He has been calmer when we have removed access, to be honest.

The abusive girl has just turned 13. From a very chaotic background, I don't think that there will be any consequences from home.

Am thinking along the lines of short-term break from FB until this is over and a word to school if there are any physical consequences from this weekend. There have been four events already, which he's just told us about.

He's getting a lot of love, care and attention to make up for missing out on FB. I know it turns the victim into a...well, a victim by doing this but we followed this advice when he was bullied in primary and kept him in the school when we should have just shipped him out, as it never truly resolved and he was unhappy for two years. I really regret this now.

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NetworkGuy · 03/10/2010 11:47

Thanks for the background. Your plan makes more sense now, but one could perhaps just move PC down to lounge and prevent late night use that way.

Some years ago when the two sons of a client were about your son's age, I remember setting their router up so it blocked the wireless facilities from 2300 to 0700 Monday to Thursday and again after about 2200 on Sunday night, so it would be possible for him and his friends to use the internet without restrictions on Friday/Saturday but for days when there was school, he had a 'curfew' when it would be unusable.

Something like that might be useful for others, and maybe yourself in a while.

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3littlefrogs · 03/10/2010 11:52

AFAIK cyberbullying is a criminal offence now and the school has to act. If the perpetrators are over 10, they may well end up with a police caution. I would take screen shots, collect all evidence, inform the school and the police.

This happened at a local school a couple of years ago and there were expulsions as a result.

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hocuspontas · 03/10/2010 12:18

IME schools have no sympathy if you allow your under-13s to have a Facebook account. To me the minimum age should be 16. Facebook fall-outs are the only thing in their lives that dd2(15) and dd3(12) seem incapable of finding solutions for . It drives me insane.

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Talker2010 · 03/10/2010 13:40

Cyber bullying is indeed a criminal offence ... but why would the school have to act

Do inform the school BUT if nothing is happening in school then it is not their business

In fact ... schools investigating and punishing can have a detrimental affect on criminal investigations

Contact parents or police ... and ensure that your son knows how to use the internet in a responsible manner, including blocking FB etc

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Alfreda · 03/10/2010 17:45

Thanks
He has been accessing FB on his phone at night. He isn't allowed computer or TV in his bedroom. I guess they find a way.... We are now taking the phone off him when he goes to bed! And the FB account is closed, and he will, if he wants to, reactivate when he is 13. He accepts that he is probably too immature to know how to deal with it (though we didn't use those words, he agrees he needs to be a bit more streetwise).
Several threats today of physical violence tomorrow. Dad went ballistic and closed FB without taking screen grabs, but I have one from yesterday. School to be informed in the morning.
I'm kind of hoping that he comes home alive.
:(