MIL-GRRRR

[jenk1]

The mil has been on the phone after having a sulk for 4 weeks with no contact cos DH wont run round after his brother giving messages, To cut a long story short she left DH and 2 brothers and sisters when they were very small and DH hasnt seen her for 15 years until march of this year when he got back in touch with her. I think she,s unstable and obsessive,at first i just thought she was happy cos DH and his brother were seeing her again but - the women feels no guilt over dumping 4 kids says it was DH,s fathers fault cos he wasnt working and was doing dodgy things so she had to leave, she is demanding obsessive ringing up and staying on the phone for 2 hours at a time always trying to get DH up to her house on his own and making him stay upwards of 5 hours,anyway DH brother is out of work and not on the phone and cos we live nearer she expects DH to drive the 3 miles everytime she wants to give his brother a message. Well DH had enough and stopped it, she didnt call for 4 weeks and was off when he rang her. She has now got over her sulk and phoneing up every day, DH has tried to put her off coming down cos she stays for HOURS so when he tells her he,s working late she phones to check with me,she keeps critisising my parenting and last night said "give that baby to her dad she wants her dad" when i was on the phone to her..dont know what to do she even checks when i take the kids round to my mums, at the moment the phone is unplugged as i cant cope with speaking to her...sorry for the rant makes me feel better getting it off my chest!

[Jimjams]

nightmare woman! I think best to ask dh to lay down some groundrules. If she wants to sulk let her!

[jenk1]

DH is more fed up of her, yesterday i said u and your mother something or other and he said -dont compare me to her, thing is she,s only just come on the scene so i dont feel she should be dictating things to me and DH who have been together 5and a half years

[NotQuiteCockney]

He was doing dodgy things, so she had to leave, and leave behind four kids?

I'd be very firm and not put up with any nonsense. As jimjams says, if she wants to sulk, let her!

[jenk1]

DH dad is like arthur daley-always got something a bit crooked going on but nothing really bad. She said he was into things that she couldnt tolerate like - wiring up electric meter,not paying bills so she had to leave, said she didnt get a house for nearly 2 years and by then the kids wanted to stay with their dad.hmmmmmm
But she feels no remorse or guilt and is trying to act like she has always been involved in DH,s life and that she should have some say in what goes on

[jenk1]

she was ringing all yesterday afternoon but i didnt pick the phone up.... unfortunately she has invited herself and 4 kids down for the day on tuesday,she sits in our house slagging off DH dad and whoever while her kids run all over the show and expects me to feed them all and then DH to run them home and for him to go in her house and stay there anywards up to 11pm,it drives me mad its like..he,s mine now im having him,DH told me that the other day she phoned him and asked him did i go round to my mums that day with dd...whats it got to do with her GRRRR

[Carmenere]

does this woman have 8 kids? Sounds like a complete nightmare to me. If I were you I would speak to her with your dh present and tell her to back off and keep her parenting tips to herself. If she sulks thats no harm, it may allow her time to realise what the problem. She rescinded all parental rights when she left her kids, she may possibly need to be reminded of this.

[basketcase]

I know someone who was pestered so much on the phone by her mil that she got a second line put in, told everyone the new number apart from mil and kept the original line for mil - complete with answerphone permanently on. She reckoned it was great - she left her messages and my friend dealt with them when she felt like it rather than constantly at beck and call.

[jenk1]

she had 4 kids-left them and went on to have 5 more with her new partner,so she brings 4 down with her when she comes,the youngest is 10, in comparison DH is 30

[MumOnaMission]

Critises YOUR parenting!!! As if she would know what good parenting is! How dare she. Don't stand for it. If she wants to see your dh & kids she'll bloomin' well have to fit in with YOUR family life.

[jenk1]

scrumpyjackass LOL

[jenk1]

the thing with me is i am a bit slow when someone is having a dig i dont always realise that they are critisising me and after i think "oh i should have said this or that" then i get annoyed with myself, i dont want to make a scene or cause trouble but all this week her comments have been making me feel like an inadequate wife and mother, the other day she said that DH is working overtime for ME! i just didnt know how to reply, the main digs are about DD and DH, i have told DH how she makes me feel and he said to ignore her but if he hears her he,ll put her right, thing is she doesnt do it in front of him.......

[jenk1]

oh the obsessions back..the other day DH told MIL she couldnt come down on saturday afternoon as we were going out for a meal, well gets back last night and who has rung the MIL...she asked MY mum where we were,she has just phoned and tried to come down on tues but we have a prior appointment, she was asking where we were going,what time was appointment,then she said i,ll come down and see jenk1 during the week and DH said i dont know what she,s doing,she said ask her and then phone me back....HELP

[shhhh]

oh god, not a good position to be in. Tell dh to tell mil that you are planning on going out for walks etc but depends on weather.
Say you don't know what your plans are until each day. If she expects you to call her each day just say when you decide it will be to early to call her or just say you forgot to call her. Hopefully she may take a hint.!!???

[moondog]

It's quite simple Jenk.

Just tell her to fuck off!

[jenk1]

wish it was that east moondog, i think given the history between DH and MIL he should be the one to do that, hes said he doesnt want anymore to do with her, she doesnt feel any guilt at leaving her 4 kids and he thinks she is very selfish, he ways he doesnt have any feelings towards her and he doesnt want to see her, think she realises this and thats why she,s getting obsessed, she also trys to stir trouble up between me and DH and she hasnt got the right to do that particularly since she only came on the scene 5 months ago.

[moondog]

Well, you don't like her and neither does he,so what purpose does it serve to talk to her or have her in your home?
She sounds horrendous!

[jenk1]

another thing- she keeps saying things like "theres something wrong with DH, i feel he needs to tell me something" when i say no he,s fine she says "i,ll get it out of him eventually"its like shes saying i dont know him,
The thing thats really annoyed me and DH is this, 5 weeks ago we gave her our front room carpet, we,d not had it long but were getting rid of it cos the kids have eczema and asthma and we are turning our house "allergy freindly", the carpet was a pure wool wilton.so u can imagine how much it cost, anyway DH was so chuffed to have his mum back in his life he wanted to give it to her, the next week was MIL 50th birthday and she was having a party, now me and DH do not celebrate birthdays for religious reasons and DH told her that we wouldnt be going-he didnt go to his dads 50th either so it wouldnt be fair. she phoned and sulked and tried to get him there but he stood his ground. When she came to pick up the carpet she asked if i would be in that evening i said no i was visiting a friend,she said her DD was going to ring DH, i though hmm strange but didnt think any further, while im out MIL DD phones DH to ask him to put to for a bunch of flowers for MIl birthday DH says no i bought her some flowers last month and i dont celebrate birthdays, DH very annoyed cos he sussed MIL has put her DD up to it, she didnt phone for 4 weeks after that. The other day she tells me she has fell out with DH,s brother cos he wouldnt put too for a bunch of flowers, i though u have just shot yourself in the foot there, DH now doesnt want anything to do with her he says shes sly, controlling and two faced but doesnt know how to go about it...any suggestions anyone?

[Kazziegirl]

jenk1 - Oh I so empathise with you. We had a similar time with my fil and eventually my dh cut the ties. Firstly dh wrote a letter saying how he felt, nothing in common, relationship not going anywhere blah blah and then fil turned up on our doorstep one day and dh just told him to go away. Very hard thing for my dh to do as he's a great guy but fil was taking over our life. Like you, he had been involved with us for 5 mins but for some reason felt he should know our every movement. He questioned everything including how much time we spent with other family members. Even accused us and a work colleague of lying about the day I had travelled to my parents!! I think if your dh is unhappy with the relationship he should tell your mil. Best of luck and let us know how things go.

[jenk1]

what did your fil say when dh told him?

[Kazziegirl]

He ranted and raved and blamed my dh for everything just like we knew he would. He was one of these people that believed their own lies which is a sad way to live your life. We just couldn't be part of it anymore. My dh has no regrets about cutting him out of his life.

[jenk1]

i think it will be the other way, she will blame ME if he cuts her out of his life cos she blames me for everything.
The thing thats really done it for DH is that she said " i dont feel any guily IVE done nothing wrong"..how hardfaced can u get?

[Kazziegirl]

It's easier for her to blame you than look at herself and take some of it herself. She's convinced herself she has nothing to feel guilty about. At the end of the day you and your dh know the truth and probably everyone that knows her! My fil had made a new life and lost contact with his children and years later it was my dh that got in touch with him. My dh said to him in the letter "I gave you a 2nd chance" and my fil said to him on the doorstep "it was me that gave you a 2nd chance". So in his mind he took no blame for doing the dirty on a 10 and 8 year old - how sad!! For me that just confirmed that dh was so right to not see him anymore.

[jenk1]

Ditto! she left 4 kids all under the age of 7, and went on to have another 5 by the man she left FIL for, she hasnt made any attempt to contact DH she even said she had managed to get hold of his mobile no from another relative a while ago but didnt phone cos "she doesnt do mobile phone calls" it was him who had to go to her and she thinks that she is the one who is hard done by, he has now given her 3 chances as he got in touch when he was a teenager and,he has recently found out shes been telling one of her relatives things and calling us

[jenk1]

i just feel dead sorry for him his family arent much better at the rest of times his dad didnt come and see us or the children for 7 months and never calls except when he wants something, i think DH thought that everything would be great and he would get some answers as to why she left but she just blames FIL for everything