URGENT Fearful of Husband Stealing my baby!

[JuJuMoo]

My husband has left me, although we have had row's - nothing like this before. I've not seen him for a couple of days but today he sent me a text to ask to see our baby who attends nursery during the day. I have arranged for him to see baby this evening when I will have others around me as I don't wish my husband to see the baby alone. so far, he has never done anything scary and I'm sure he wouldn't, but I have this irrational thought that he might try and collect our son from nursery and I'll never see baby again!

My husband is from the Middle East so it makes the thought slightly more realistic without wanting to streotype. His family love me a lot and feel my husband is at fault so I am confident they won't encourage him to do "anything stupid" However, I feel he could be capable to doing something "stupid" just to try and get to me!

What I need to know is, should I phone the nursery and tell them not to let my husband collect our son? Are they under duress to inform the police etc? Hubby normally takes son and I pick him up. There is a chance we will get back together though so I don't want to be too alarmist. I'm probably being paranoid but I just want to know that the nursery will make it. Any advice. Asap if possible!

[colditz]

Yes, phone the nursery and tell them they are not to release your son into anyone's care but yours.

If you feel that he might kidnap your son to hurt you, why are you considering getting back with him?

[munz]

probably would suggest it for u to give them a tinkle but as he's the father they probably wouldn't be able to stop him taking ur son. could u possibly pick him up early?

[MrsGordonRamsay]

Who has the passport

[Mosschops30]

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[NomDePlume]

I agree with Colditz. Just inform the nursery that you are the only person that they are allowed to hand DS over to at the end of the day. Tell them in person and take a letter with yuo so that they can put the written copy in their records (and you have it as proof of your instruction if anything does happen).

[dillydally]

Whilst the nursery might not be able / willing to stop him taking him (can't say for definite that this is true), they could definitely stall him long enough to call you, should he try.
Give them a call.

[JuJuMoo]

I'm pretty sure to be honest that he wouldn't do anything awful like that, i mean after all - he did text me and let me know that he wanted to see our son and wanted to arrange something civilised - I'm sure I am just overreacting but its better to be safe than sorry. He has never given any indication that he would take our son, and I don't think he'd want to when all said and done as it's an awful lot of hardwork; but foremost I have to consider all possible options.

I was just wondering what the situation might be if I told nursery. Thanks for the help though. I think I will ring them now.

[munz]

good question - who has the passports? I still think going to get him would be the safest option as then ur mind will be at rest at least.

[JuJuMoo]

He doesn't even have a passport as yet and I've got our son's passport. I just didn't want to involve the police as it is perhaps going to turn into something and nothing.

[JuJuMoo]

He spent all day at nursery yesterday and was fine though.

[essbee]

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[Mosschops30]

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[JuJuMoo]

Sorry, husband doesn't have a passport - but he got here without one so I'm sure he could get "out" without one too. (Don't go there!) It's not even that he will take him out the UK, even out my town would be bad enough.

I'm spoken to the nursery and they have said because we are married, husband does have parental responsibility and they couldn't stop him taking DS, but they will explain that I have asked to bring and collect him until further notice and that they will ring me before letting DS go. I only work 2 mins away so I'll be there hyper quickly if needed.

I'm not a weak willed person who would just get back with my husband for the sake of it. It's my DS that my concerns are with.

Anyway, I feel a lot better now and thanks for all the help.

[pinkmamma]

-I have too much experience of this.

Firstly I would act now. He can easily apply for another birth certificate at the registry office where childs birth was registered or from the national registry office (and then get a new passport). You need to inform local reg office, for me they said they would contact police if ex tried to get a copy of birth cert - one day i get telephone call from police - he has applied from overseas (he is italian). i have been in touch with reunite (abduction specialists charity) for years - they passed me on to a solicitor who specailises and i got court orders against registry offices issueing cert. also various orders against my ex.

you need to contact passport agency and they will "flag" your child and should not issue other passports

call reunite or www.reunite.org
they are really good
they will send you a pack, get child fingerprinted etc.

my local police are aware of situation and have emergency plan in place. i have a panic alarm buzzing away in the house. but then my ex has threatened abduction many times.

all i can say is better safe than sorry

[essbee]

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[morningpaper]

Essbee: Why should it be rubbish? What's to stop her husband asking the nursery not to allow THE MOTHER from picking the child up? Why should one parent be allowed to make that sort of demand? It's exactly the same.

It sounds like the nursery is being v. understanding and agreeing to ring you is great. Hope it works out.

[essbee]

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[bambi06]

they can only refuse to let child go to father if there is a restraining order in place and restricted access from courts which they will have seen a copy of

[XmariaX]

well when i had to stop my dd's father from taking them out of nursery, i informed the nursery teachers and one of the first things they asked was if we were married which luckily enough we wasnt so being married might make a difference

but sorry to hear ur going through this

[pinkmagic1]

So sorry you are going through this, I remember you from when you where pregnant.
I don't know if the nursery could stop your husband taking your son but in this country everything does seem to be in favour of the mother so maybe they could. I would inform the police if you honestly think your son is in danger of being abducted.

[logic]

That sounds scary JuJu.

Have to say though, when we signed our ds up for pre-school (together I might add), I had to sign a form to "allow" my dh to pick him up! I was horrified and disgusted to find out that our society is reduced to mistrusting all fathers as standard. Obviously, if there is a genuine risk then you will tell them so I don't know why it's routine. Well, I found it deeply offensive and very odd anyway...

[JuJuMoo]

Thanks for all the help. Feeling a bit silly for being perhaps irrational about the whole thing. DS is fine and I've picked him up tonight as normal. I'm not sure about longer term access arrangements, hubby only left two days ago and the text is the first contact I've had. I know my husband would be so angry if I knew I even suspected him of doing anything that may be determental to DS, but that was just what was going through my mind at the time - fuelled by my Mother's worries too I might add! Anyway, he is coming around tonight to see DS (my colleagues think this is his way of coming to see me without hurting his pride, but I'm not convinced!) and I'll have some mutual, fair friends here, so we will see what happened. Lots of useful advice though, it seems the nurseries have seen/heard it all before.

Thanks. I'll keep you updated.

[Blu]

JuJuMoo, I think it is sensible to pay attention to your nagging sixth sense that this is something that could potentially become an issue.

There are cultures where it is considered important that children belong to, and should remain with, the father - who will give them into the care of his mother or sisters if needs be.

You could take Pinkmagic's advice re taking steps to ensure that he couldn't get a passport for your DS - and he need never know you had done it, unless he found out by trying exactly that!

I do hope very much that you can keep things amicable, and that this worry never becomes a reality. But you can still take precautions, even if the risk is slight - you would probably feel much safer for it, and able to make all other negotiations about what happens to your relationship, your DS etc, from a stronger position.

Good luck.

[JuJuMoo]

All sorted. The day he came round to see DS was the day he apologised for leaving and after much groveling he is now back at home. Things have been fine, and indeed, rejuvinated since. Sorry to worry you all. But no matter now happy and contented we are, I'll still always be slightly suspious of men (sorry for generalising) so I will be trusting that sixth sense you mention Blu