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Need to get this off my chest........

4 replies

mumfor1sttime · 12/07/2005 14:16

My little sis is doing my brain in. She is 21 and has ds of 2.5 and dd of 10months. She had thrown her dp out a few weeks ago as he is basically a waste of space, doesnt hold down steady job and doesnt help with kids,his new trick was to buy a puppy and not walk it or train it(I took this to a rescue centre). She seems to be raising them herself most of the time. Trouble is she wont open up to me or my mum about anything,half the time she plods along in life.I think she may be depressed too.Over the last couple of weeks I have been trying to get hold of her(she is not on phone)by popping round, she never answered her door(she lives in flat with security door),I started getting concerned so put a note through her kitchen window, telling her to call me. The next day I popped round- The note was still there.I started panicking thinking the worse and worrying about the kids. I eventually found her by phoning her dp mum-she was there.She didnt seem bothered that I was worried. I am tearing my hair out as I want to be close to her and the kids. Am I over reacting? That feels better.....

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mumfor1sttime · 14/07/2005 16:10

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mumfor1sttime · 14/07/2005 16:12

Am feeling really down about things now. My sis seems to have moved out of her flat and in with her bf mum. She hasnt told any of the family. I am missing my niece and nephew, wonder if or when I will see them.

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mirashark · 14/07/2005 17:58

This is tough - little sisters don't know what it's like to be the older one and to worry. I would say she might be ashamed of her problems and is shielding herself from her own family as she can't deal with admitting to all the problems - maybe? You could try writing her a letter, not too heavy just to explain you're getting a bit worried and frustrated but mostly that you're here to help. She's probably a bit overwhelmed herself and maybe a bit depressed as well and just sees her own family as another burden to shoulder - as in having to alieviate your fears/disapprovals about her partner etc. Whereas with his mum she wouldn't have that added burden as it's her own son so your sis doesn't have to try to explain his behaviour. Anyway I would try to keep the lines of communication open but by being easy going and straightforward and there to help with practical stuff - then she can graduate to confiding in you if there are deeper problems. She's probably thinking, I've enough on my plate, I just can't deal with my families fears too so I'll run away from that and ignore it so I can cope with what's right in front of me. So maybe try to be constantly available to her but undemanding - and maybe a letter would get the ball rolling just to let her know you realise she's going thru the shit and you are around to take the kids and do that kind of thing and to just give you a call to put your mind at rest...? Good luck I hope she comes around X

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mumfor1sttime · 14/07/2005 22:20

Thanks so much mira shark you have helped a lot. I have been wondering if she may feel embarassed or ashamed. I have written her a letter-to no avail.I am probably most upset for my dm as she is waiting for a liver transplant and has lots of worries already as does my dd. They dont need the pressure.