DS (our first baby) was born 7 weeks ago. despite various things being hard to start with (e.g. bf!), overall it's not been as difficult as I expected, and I'm besotted with my lovely baby. However, there are a couple of things I wanted to ask about, which seem trivial in the scheme of things, but would like to know if they will iron themselves out:
- Rattiness/rows. I seem to be getting more and more ratty and easily upset with dh. It actually isn't fair, as he's at home with me (research student) and really does do a lot and is especially brilliant with ds. However, there are just things which get on my nerves: I kind of seem to be the one who's keeping everything going - sending out birth announcements, getting the cleaning done (OK, if I ask him to help he will, no problems, but he just never sees it - pre-birth he cleaned once a week!), the washing-up (again, if I ask him he'll do it, and he'll get upset if I try to do it, as he somehow thinks of it as his job - but if I left it to him it'd be there for days), etc. etc. Recently I had to tell him to shave, he walks around in dirty clothes (not all baby sick either - mostly from cooking and carelessness) and can actually sleep through ds's crying - I certainly can't, so ds gets seen to, but it just amazes me! I'm also doing bits of work when I can, preparing my courses for next semester (I'm a lecturer and the sole earner - have stat mat leave until end July, then my annual leave, and am going back in mid-Oct) while bf for example, but he seems to spend most of his time reading sports and news websites and occasionally does a bit of work on his doctorate - at least that's what it looks like to me - which is really annoying because it would help us if he got funding, but he seems really slow about doing any applications. It took us a while to establish bf and now I've finally done it, but he's rather unsupportive. He spent the time I was struggling to establish it and really down about it telling me I didn't have enough milk, now he keeps nagging me about getting ds into a routine/making him go for longer between feeds, which I really don't want to do right now. I've told him how I feel and he now says OK, he'll say nothing, but this means that when I ask for support/his opinion on something he'll withdraw behind this saying-nothing thing and leave me feeling pretty insecure, that he thinks what I'm doing is a load of rubbish but doesn't want to say it. 2 nights ago I asked him to pick ds up while I got myself woken up for feeding, he leaned over me to do so (instead of getting up and going round the bed), leaned on me and shoved his elbow into my full breast, which REALLY hurt, and now I'm worried it might have damaged my milk supply permanently. This (him not being bothered to get up properly and causing this) kind of seems a bit symptomatic - which is probably really unfair as he does do more than his bit - he does all the shopping/errands, all the cooking, half the nappy changes and will do cleaning/washing up if I ask him -, and he's always been a bit of a slob in many ways (zero interest in clothes/appearance, for example), but I just find the slobbishness seems to have got worse since the birth, or I seem to be more sensitive to it. I find myself getting ratty and picking rows, which sometimes get pretty heated on my side (he has this really annoying superior air and a tendency to paint me as hysterical) and then have me worrying about the effect on ds (who is always with us - spends most of his time in my or dh's arms, and we only have a 1-bed flat anyway). Is it me, is it him or is it both of us? I've probably made him sound worse than he is - he has so many really really good sides, I love him to bits and I wouldn't be without him for the world - I just don't like how I often feel about him right now, and am wondering whether it is my fault. Is this normal after birth?
- (TMI alert, ) Sex - is it normal for it to hurt the first time after birth? I know it's bl**dy good going for us to have done it at all - but the pain was the last thing I was expecting! (Should add we hadn't done it since finding out I was pg as I'd had a mc and was paranoid). Does it get better?
TIA - doesn't look like ds will wake again, might risk going to bed now