Baby name finder
It's a bit long but I hope you'll bear with me.
My sister and her husband separated a year ago and have two children. Since then my sister, (can't call her "D" sis) has had a parade of men from her previous single life coming in and out of the house. Recently however she met someone through a friend of a friend on Facebook, hooked up and he has been a fixture for six weeks.
The first thing that worried me was that the "friend" was more of a frenemy. They had fallen out several times.
Then I found out that after a week or two my sister was letting him babysit her children while she went out at night. Despite not knowing where he lived.
Since then she has been to the shared house where he rents a room a couple of times, but she still hasn't met anyone who can verify his identity. He calls himself RG, and claims to have a sister in our town with whom he has been estranged for years.
He has no proper job. Signs on for JSA but isn't actively looking for work because he has several odd-job cash-in-hand things apparently. My sis has never seen evidence of this beyond him going back to where he lives and coming back with money. So no employer, no company, no record of tax paid. He is "shy" with photos too
He says that all his friends say he would be the "ideal father" and seems desperate to prove that. He wants a baby with sis after they have known each other for a "bit" even though she was supposed to have a hysterectomy after her last child so terrible are pregnancies and childbirth on her health. You'd think he would know and / or respect this. My suggestion that a job might help him get into the ideal father league was met with silence.
In the last month or so he has been with my sis always. We used to do things such as swimming and soft-play with our toddlers but now he is always there. My DD is at school during these times.
Now he knows that I am married and have a DH and the guy is in his late thirties but for the last few weeks he has been saying, "Oh when am I going to get to meet your DD properly?" after seeing pictures of her at my parents house or hearing sis and I discuss her. Not, "Hey - let's all meet up, your husband and other child".
And he has offered to pick DD up from school even though I have just started letting her walk the 7 minutes on her own. He has her mobile number in his Blackberry. He doesn't know that I know that. Must have got it from my sis's phone.
Yesterday was a non-pupil day and I took the DC to town. Was a bit distracted by DS for a sec and before I knew it DD was enveloped in a bear hug and swept off her feet. I was curious to see what would would happen so I accepted the idea of lunch with BF, Sis and all the DC.
He sat next to her, tickling, cuddling, and at the end, put her on his back, legs wrapped around him and turned her upside down and smacked her bum. Playfully
Now I met my lovely DH on the internet when DD was three. When we met in RL I took sensible precautions. After a period of time he met DD too. After about two years he was left alone with her for short periods. He never once complained about this despite being an exemplary father, he never pressured, never encouraged me to go out alone, it just evolved naturally.
And as he says, DD has known his family, his BIL and his Mum's BF who have never once treated DD like that and wouldn't dream of it. They are interested and attentive, have been since she was four, but not desperate to appeal to her.
It was all in public but she is a large nine years old. She loved it, thinks he's a lovely bloke. I don't want to piss all over her fireworks but I do think he is behaving inappropriately and I'm now worried about her walking home from school on her own after seeing how he can charm her.
Today I found out that my sister's best friend's DD can't stand him after having stayed there for the night. Sis says she doesn't care because her DC "adore him".
Obviously I'm not wary of "peedos on every corner" which is the reason I didn't put this in AIBU. And the scoffers at that will be the first to tell you that children who are harmed will be harmed by people they know or family.
I've read enough of this board although have rarely contributed under this name to know that you're a sensible lot when it comes to trusting instincts. DH is also very wary.
I seriously have nobody else to ask apart from my fucked-up family who are wary, yes, but the most important thing to them is to not upset my sis lest she go nuclear.
Just interested in thoughts really. I was also thinking of phoning maybe the NSPCC to get advice, not in a "reporty" way...
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