Will try to keep this brief.
Have been together for 20 yrs, married for 18, have a 15 yr old dd.
For the first 9 years or so things were extremely rocky on a frequent basis and there were quite a few incidents of DV. The last one was 10 yrs ago and as a result of my walking out for one night he finally changed his behaviour and there have been no further incidents of DV.
We then went through a long period of stability but for the last year things are getting worse. In Jan, I felt constantly criticised for my behaviour, even just the way I said things seemed to wind dh up, he'd accuse me of being disrespectful, not listening (the not listening is a problem, I must admit, I'm a bit of an eyeroller etc).
Anyway, we then had a massive row in public on holiday and he said he hated me, wanted to get divorced etc. This was in front of dd and she was really upset.
Latest was this weekend. Dh got annoyed because I described him as reclusive and said I wasn't happy with the fact we have virtually no joint social life. Also said I'm not happy because holidays are always very dull. He likes to go to Devon and basically do nothing which is very boring for dd and so I find myself pushing and pushing for us to do something she'd enjoy & that makes him feel pressured when all he really wants is to switch off for two weeks.
Upshot at the weekend was that he feels that I'm never happy, always pushing for more and not appreciating what we have. Materially we do have a lot, he's a very high earner, we live in a large house in the country, bla bla bla. I said, fine, I'll accept that you've changed and no longer want the sort of social life we used to have. The holiday thing we can sort out, maybe compromise at lesast on the location for next year.
I thought we'd patched things up but this morning when I went into his study to say goodbye he was in tears and said he doesn't think it's worth carrying on with the marriage because no matter how hard he tries, I don't appreciate the good stuff and he's basically just wrung out.
We have had these emotional times before and always patched them up but now I'm really quite worried.
He's away today and tonight and I know he's staying in a hotel about 60 miles away. I'm thinking of driving over there tonight when I know he'll have finished his business dinner, not so much because we can sort much out in the couple of hours we'll have before I need to get back to get dd off to school, but just to show that I do care about him and the marriage.
WWYD? Go tonight or let him have some time to settle his emotions down?
Sorry it's such an epic
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DH very unhappy with our relationship. WWYD
20 replies
problemsproblemsproblems · 20/10/2009 11:35
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