Baby name finder
Hi!
Is there anyone out there who can find a few kind words for me please?
I've been with my partner for four years and we've lived together for most of that. I will be 50 on 3rd November and was hoping for a surprise from my partner for my birthday. The surprise has come early.
About six weeks ago I saw him making furtive mobile calls and when I checked his mobile found several late night texts saying things like "I love you so much". I asked him about it and he told me without any concern for my reaction that they were from a woman he had dated 10 years ago and had recently refound on FaceBook. They'd met up since. He said that she was in the process of a divorce.
He's been getting behind at work recently so I've spent a few weekends helping in the office and I found a letter from her in which she said that she was staying with her husband (2nd one) because her kids needed to stay at their school but hoped N would wait for her. She said that fate had brought them together again and there was lots of undying love stuff.
I decided to do my best to repair my relationship and asked him what his plans were. He said he didn't know and was confused. I asked if he had plans to see her again soon and he said probably not.
He came home last night and said that our relationship was over and that he was heading off today to treat her to a hotel stay till Sunday, when he will come home, so that they could see how they got on - her husband thinks she's gone to see a girlfriend.
My world has fallen apart. Does anyone have a kind word for me or any advice as to how best to navigate such a painful situation. I will be really grateful. Thank you.
Mumsnet Talk
"The country's most popular meeting point for parents"
The Times
Corsa? Yaris? - car-inspired baby names?
Cheesed off - with pregnancy food advice?
Dear DP - what you'd love to tell him?
New mums - why so deathly dull?
Snow balls - ludicrous Christmas talk?
Mumsnet latest
- TGI Friday: morningpaper's round-up of the past week on Talk
- Next live webchat: Charlie Brooker, Mon 23 Nov at noon
- Read our discussion with Gabrielle Palmer, author of The Politics of Breastfeeding
- Missed the webchat with David Cameron? Catch up here
- Attention! Book of the month is Mrs Tim of the Regiment - join us on Mon 7 Dec
A JOURNEY INTO ALZHEIMER'S The award-winning Keeper is the story of how Andrea Gillies cared for her mother-in-law, who has dementia, while living on a remote Scottish peninsula. The book charts an emotional journey and examines what it is to be human - what happens to the self when memory is stripped away.
Recipe of the week
penguinmum's creamy fish pie: smoky, seasonal fish in a creamy white sauce with grated, rather than mashed, tatties on top - a meal of the highest comfort-food order.
MN Local
Please login or join Mumsnet first.
Follow mumsnet on...
Mumsnet Talk
Talk:
Topics |
Customise |
Unanswered messages |
Getting started |
Acronyms |
Useful stuff
Threads: Active | I'm on | I'm watching | I started | Last 15 minutes | Last hour | Last Day
Threads: Active | I'm on | I'm watching | I started | Last 15 minutes | Last hour | Last Day
| Start new thread within this topic | Watch this thread | Flip this thread | |
| Add a message |
Partner has gone away for a few days to a hotel with another woman |
(638 Posts) |
AFAIK it is not permitted to cohabit in Forces accommodation - it's either MARRIED quarters, or if the service person in question is a lone parent with parental responsibility they may be given a quarter.
I find it difficult to believe that if you are indeed cohabiting in MOD accommodation you haven't yet been found out.
I also find 'He's been getting behind at work recently so I've spent a few weekends helping in the office' incredible and quite frankly unbelievable, as (a) I presume you don't have the security clearance to be able to access what he is working on and (b) if your partner isn't coping at work it would be noted and dealt with. I am also curious how you get into where he is working. I presume Abbeywood or MOD in London doesn't just hand out passes willy nilly to girlfriends. If he was in Plymouth or Faslane then he would be living in the Mess, so would not have a flat, and the same would go for Portsmouth.
If you are going to use the Navy as his career you need to get the fine detail right, and you haven't. I speak from 23 experience of marriage to a Naval Officer.
I find it difficult to believe that if you are indeed cohabiting in MOD accommodation you haven't yet been found out.
I also find 'He's been getting behind at work recently so I've spent a few weekends helping in the office' incredible and quite frankly unbelievable, as (a) I presume you don't have the security clearance to be able to access what he is working on and (b) if your partner isn't coping at work it would be noted and dealt with. I am also curious how you get into where he is working. I presume Abbeywood or MOD in London doesn't just hand out passes willy nilly to girlfriends. If he was in Plymouth or Faslane then he would be living in the Mess, so would not have a flat, and the same would go for Portsmouth.
If you are going to use the Navy as his career you need to get the fine detail right, and you haven't. I speak from 23 experience of marriage to a Naval Officer.
i have namechanged
Hope you are ok Desolute and have built up the courage that you need to improve your situation
I have been following this thread but have not posted as I haven't had anything constructive to add.
I agree with the other posters advising you to get out. You really must, your xp is within his rights to call the police and ask that you are removed, surely you don't want the humilation of that? If he really wants you gone he may even physically remove you himself! Go now whilst you still have your dignity. At the moment you are the injured party, you don't want the tables to turn and for friends to start thinking that you are some weird bunny boiler.
I agree with the other posters advising you to get out. You really must, your xp is within his rights to call the police and ask that you are removed, surely you don't want the humilation of that? If he really wants you gone he may even physically remove you himself! Go now whilst you still have your dignity. At the moment you are the injured party, you don't want the tables to turn and for friends to start thinking that you are some weird bunny boiler.
Look is there a possibility Desolate may have some kind of LD? Please please don't take this the wrong way but it really doesn't sounds like she is of sound mind at all. Which would explain why she isn't answering questions and some of the the behavior.
Desolate if you are for real I think you may be having some kind of breakdown. You need to get proper help fast as everyone else is saying. How long do you think this can go on?
Desolate if you are for real I think you may be having some kind of breakdown. You need to get proper help fast as everyone else is saying. How long do you think this can go on?
Lester I posted last week that desolate had been on another thread and so I was presuming she was ok ish, (but who is to know)but I got moaned at!! hope you dont. p.s. I noticed that OTK thread too!!
It does not really matter. I have read threads here and elsewhere which have been frankly incredible (and actually I don't think this one is) and have gained so much from the kind and thoughtful posts on them.
Even the advice on here, which does not fit my situation has been thought provoking.
Desolate, it does not matter hugely if every word is truth or not, what matters is you are miserable enough to be reaching out to an online group. Do you have anyone in RL you can talk to? Anyone who could help you make some changes. from everything you have said you are no longer welcome in your partner's life. That hurts, really hurts and I suspect you will need some help to get out even if everything appears so straightforward in type.
Even the advice on here, which does not fit my situation has been thought provoking.
Desolate, it does not matter hugely if every word is truth or not, what matters is you are miserable enough to be reaching out to an online group. Do you have anyone in RL you can talk to? Anyone who could help you make some changes. from everything you have said you are no longer welcome in your partner's life. That hurts, really hurts and I suspect you will need some help to get out even if everything appears so straightforward in type.
She seems to disappear for days on end when people tell her to leave and then reappear with a list of things she and nobber have been to, awful things he's said to her and no real reason as to why she hasn't left yet. Does make me suspect it's a story that desolate gets a bit bored of sometimes and has to think up the next installment.
In the past threads where the poster has behaved in an unbelievable way, or had an unusual stream of coincidental adverse life events have been fictional.
If this isn't then I wonder of Desolate enjoys the sympathy and attention and fears she wouldn't get it if she left him and didn't have him as an excuse as to why she was so unhappy.
In the past threads where the poster has behaved in an unbelievable way, or had an unusual stream of coincidental adverse life events have been fictional.
If this isn't then I wonder of Desolate enjoys the sympathy and attention and fears she wouldn't get it if she left him and didn't have him as an excuse as to why she was so unhappy.
I've been following this thread from the beginning. Just noticed that Desolate posted a couple of times Saturday evening on another question here "what does OTK mean?"
Not sure if it's good she is able to comment in a lighthearted way or if it's another indication that something is very wrong .....
Not sure if it's good she is able to comment in a lighthearted way or if it's another indication that something is very wrong .....
time to get the fuck out of this toxic situation
he isnt your boyfriend anymore
you shouldnt be hanging on there
things wont improve
he doesnt love you
do keep up your cmht appts - let cpn know your new address
so attend a day centre/recovery centre
dont bounce omto a rebound relationship
have some individual time.no man.just supportive pals
he isnt your boyfriend anymore
you shouldnt be hanging on there
things wont improve
he doesnt love you
do keep up your cmht appts - let cpn know your new address
so attend a day centre/recovery centre
dont bounce omto a rebound relationship
have some individual time.no man.just supportive pals
Shortcuts
Product reviews
- Baby slings
- Buggies and strollers
- Car seats from birth
- Car seats from 9 months
- Car seats from 4 years
- Double pushchairs
- Highchairs
- Holidays - Long haul
- Holidays - Short haul
- Holidays - Skiing
- Holidays - UK and Ireland
- Holidays - UK Camping
- Parenting books
- Pushchairs from birth
- Three wheelers
- Toys and gifts
- Travel systems
Help | Spread the word | Contact us | Contact a member | Webguide | Advertising | Mumsnet in the news | About us | Terms of use
Mumsnet Limited. Registered in England and Wales. Registration No 03951486
Registered Office: Studio 6, Deane House Studios, Greenwood Place, Highgate Road, London NW5 1LB
Registered Office: Studio 6, Deane House Studios, Greenwood Place, Highgate Road, London NW5 1LB