ATA - I've just clicked on Contact Poster but can't really understand the instructions! How sad am I? Please advise!

ATA - So glad you are not offended. I think the thing about not being able to make decisions is "normal" in your situation. You have to learn to be a person in your own right again, instead of as you say having to second guess all your decisions.

You don't have to make a decision about my offer, because I've made it! Thing is I don't know how to do it logistically IFYSWIM - I have heard mention of contacting people via CAT but I don't know what it means - do you? If there is a way of exchanging e mail addresses that would be fine because then you could just give me an address. Don't want to put my e mail address onhere though and am sure you don't but there must be a way round this.

Does anyone know please?

This is completely "no strings attached" - I know I live at the opposite end of the country to you ATA because you have mentioned your home town in other posts. We don't need to have a RL conversation or anything, I just need an address.

Hi everyone tried to keep in company today as much as possible and kept busy but not doing anything stressful i.e to do with ex or money . My friend also came round after she finished work (the one who called me after I left but I was wary as her partner is friends with ex). Was nice to have a chat with her and a RL hug.

The posts on here since I last came online have made me cry - I am blown away by everyone's kindness and support, and feel very lucky and grateful.

NannaNina - your offer is extremely kind and generous. I have been struggling with my pride too in terms of asking family for help and just don't know what to say in response to your offer.

After nine years of trying to second guess every decision I make I am really struggling with making decisions at the moment, even simple day to day ones. You would think it would be easier now but it seems harder for some reason.

Hows things been today AtA?

NannaNina-that is so generous and thoughtful of you

I know it's probably hard to see the bright side of things when you're covered in puke, but this really is possibly the worst time. As the days go on, you will gather strength. I think it's best to let the feelings wash all over you and not try to be uber brave. Grief and being exhausted are the mother and father of all double whammys -- try to do some relaxing, maybe some conscious breathing, slow stretching -- anything that allows you to just focus on the moment. Make sure you have nutritious food at regular intervals. It's so hard to be all things to you and your DS, but a different kind of hard from having to deal with the H too. And part of this is dealing with the new phase of the relationship with the ex.

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Hi ATA,

I have been following your story but not posting much because you have already got some really good support from a few on here.
Firstly, well done again on getting out
Secondly, the feeling you describe in your latest posts are normal. It's not sadness and upset because you want to go back again, i think its because now the dust has settled on the move itself your emotions are letting go and you are "grieving". Grieving for a relationship and life that should have been 'the one' and in the end turned out to be a huge disappointment and source of deep unhapiness.

You are young still. Much much younger than me when I finally left 18mths ago. But I feel like I have a new life. For several months I would put loud music on and dance around the kitchen . It's hard on your own but boy is it better than hard and deeply unhappy with someone.

You are just beginning the rest of your happily ever after !!

ATA, my DD vomited regularly over the bed for the first month or so after I left her father - I think it was the stress. Because of work, I could only get out to the laundrette once a week, so our flat smelt pretty bad. My parents came to stay and filled the place with (sickly-smelling) air fresheners. This bit is tough but it does pass. I'm now six months out and feel so much better (and there is considerably less vomiting!)

Great advice here, esp. from mathanxiety, that I'm planning to steal for myself, and I'm going to take a look at the books that you yourself recommended.

Interesting question, strawberry. Before the relationship with my ex, I wouldn't have been able to understand why women go back. But you remember the good times, you feel sorry for him, you want your children to have their father, and you believe him when he says he acted in the way he did because of your actions - this gives an illusion of having control over the situation. "If I just get it right this time, he won't be angry and things will be good again". He has broken down all your certainties, and replaced them with his own, so you find yourself buying into his version of events - and his promises about the future.

I'm not really tempted to go back - made easier by the fact that ex isn't asking me to go back! But it's been more than a struggle than I guessed.

ATA - I feel like an intruder here but I hope you don't mind that I have read most of your thread (well all your posts anyway). I was in your position many years ago as a young mother with a little boy the same age as yours and I managed to get away too. It was like reading a book, reading your story and I was clicking away hoping and hoping that you would get away. I too was very emotional after I had left and felt very down for several months and like you had no money. I had a good supportive family and friends but was too proud to ask for help.

I later got involved with Womens Aid and together with some friends we opened a Refuge in our home town and I was involved for many years until I went into social work.

I am a grandmother now and semi retired.

Look I really hope you won't take this the wrong way but I feel I would so much like to help you if I can. I'm not rich or anything like that but was lucky enough to have a job I loved for 25 years and have a decent pension and still do some independent work. Would you accept a cash donation? Not huge, but maybe enough for you to get a few essentials or even to treat you and your little boy. You see, when I was in your position, someone did this for me and I never quite forgot it.

I don't need your address as if I were you I wouldn't want to trust a complete stranger - could always send a cheque to your mom/nan/sister or trusted friend. Please think about it - I won't be offended if you feel you can't accept but thought it worth a try.

oh no so sorry to hear about the vomitting, nightmare with no washer, we had it on hol in a caravan with dd2 who covered dd1 too.
Hope its all sorted now.
No worries about cooker and glad chairs/sofa have been ok.
Did you put a wanted add up? some people may be able to deliver if you explain your situation.

Hi needcoffee and shamsham - I know I just have to ride these feelings out. Have been quite tensed up and blocking my emotions and for some reason today was the day. Probably not helped by DS's sickfest alllast night all over our only airbed, quilt, blankets, bedroom carpet, both of our PJs, etc.

Tried looking on freegle and stuff4sale earlier but got all frustrated as have no van or cash. Feel like I have used up this 24hrs get up and go on sickfest.

Hopefully will feel a bit better tomorrow. Although DS will be doing his first overnight at his daddy's tomorrow I willreally miss him.

Council are picking oven up tomorrow NC, would have cost too much to have socket put in, but sofa and arm chair have been a godsend!! Thank you. x