I've never posted on here before but did find comfort during my pregnancy getting general tips etc. At that time little did I know my world would come crashing down on me after the birth of my daughter. 2 weeks after she was born I discovered my DH was having an affair with his workmate. I found text messages from her to him that left very little to the imagination and prior to this I had been suspicious. As it turns out he was involved with her for 2 months including around the time our daughter was born. She herself was married with a 4 yr old son.
On confronting him (he was asleep and I went mental thrashing at him) he at first denied it, then after my refusal to back down, admitted he was having an affair, that he loved the OW and was leaving me (like I said my DD was 2 weeks old). I begged him to stay as I simply couldn't face coping at that time on my own, and after a month he resolved to "come back to me and commit to me forever."
The following months were hard and I spent most of them being very angry and feeling insecure as he continued to work with her every day and beyond the initial sentiment that he was back, I felt he din't make much effort to reassure me or rebuild my trust after the first month or so. Finally she left his work and I was due to return to work- something I was looking forward to to gain a sense of normality. I saw this as finally a chance to heal and regain trust in our relationship. The day before I started back and my DD started nursery for the first time, he told me he couldn't handle my "reaction" to his affair and that I had chipped away at how he felt about me every time I got upset or angry. He then told me he was leaving and 3 days later moved out. Everytime I talk to him he dismisses me and tells me that he just doesn't feel the same anymore and is unwilling to try and salvage our marriage. He insists he will be a great dad and that it is irrelevant if we live together or not. He is behaving like somebody I don't even know, certainly not like the pwerson I married 3 years ago. He denies adamantly that he still has feelings for the OW and swore on our DD's life to this effect. He says he thinks if we stay together we will be miserable, although I think we were very happy previously and did believe in our marriage.
I have managed to keep it togetehr amazingly for the last 3 weeks but now I have reached crisis point and simply cannot cope with the reality of what I have been through and what is now happening. I am soo shocked that he can be soo cruel and think nothing of the vows he made to me and the promises he made when we decided to have a baby. I just can't believe how unfair life is and I don't know how to recover from such a horrific event. From reading these posts I gather alot of you have been badly treated by the men who were supposed to love you, so please if you have any words of support, encouragement or advice then I welcome them all.
Thank you.
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Please help.......sorry if old ground.
10 replies
helpmeoutofthismess · 04/09/2009 16:29
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