Firstly, I'm not sure if this is the right place to post this, so apologies if it is wrong.
My eldest son is 19 nearly 20. He has never been 'easy' even as a baby, he didn't sleep, would only eat what he wanted although I did perservere with this one and eventually we managed to solve that.
He was very forward as a baby, sat up at 3 months, crawled at 4 months, walked at 8 months. Talked for england from a very early age. (I do think this has relevance)
When he started school, he was reasonably popular, always had a little circle of good friends. He was identified as being G&T whilst still at infant school. His particular 'thing' is linguistics.
Infant school went really well, teachers comments usually included 'pleasure to have in class, very capable boy, popular, friendly' Junior school was ok, we had a few issues with him being low level bullied (mainly, comments and silly digs) This was dealt with badly by the school so with my sons input, we changed schools. The new school was great, again he made friends quickly, settled well. He again became the positive litle boy I knew. He seemed to enjoy school, although he now says that he had no friends and hated his time there. This is not how I recall things, he had quite a large circle of really good friends, some of whom he still has contact with.
High school was his choice, I thought that it was better to send him to a school he felt comfortable with. He was very quickly put onto the G&T programme, which he seemed to love (again, he now says he hated it)
He did struggle to make new friends, but this was resolved fairly soon. He made some firm friends, seemed to enjoy the workload at high school. He din't get on as well with the teachers as he had a primary level. He became very challenging towards authority, he didn't respect teachers, his favourite saying was that all his teachers were idiots who gained their qualifications from cornflake packets.
By year 9/10, he was pretty much out of our control, we have always had an 'open house' policy, all the boys friends have been welcome. He became very distant from us, I know that this is normal. He started to spend a lot of time with friends away from the home, again I know that this is normal.
Looking back, I think that this was where the real problems started. He began to drink with his friends, but didn't we all at 15/16? We talked to him about the dangers of binge drinking and all the other things who discuss with teens. We both thought that he was basically a sensible kid who was testing the waters so to speak.
He was predicted good grades at GCSE level. He failed quite badly, we weren't happy about this, but helped him get into college to do A levels. He now says that he didn't want this and felt pressured by us, but never gave this impression. He failed his AS's and dropped out of college, but had a good part-time job which he seemed to enjoy. We supported him and he seemed happy, things got worse after his step-dad took a job abroad. Things got so bad, he became physically violent toward me, I had to ask him to leave. He moved in with my parents, this seemed to help and after a year or so, he asked to move home again.
That was earlier in the year, things are dreadful again. He is repeating his As's, got reasonable grades this time so has got onto the second year of his course.
He is rude, arrogant, dismissive of every one else in the house. Says that he doesn't like himself, doesn't see why anyone else should like him. Says he hates people, yet is out every night with his friends. He wants to go to Uni in Bristol because it will get him out of 'the hellhole we live in' Says that he 'prove us all wrong'
I have done some googling (!) and he fits the description of a sociopath to a degree, I'm not saying that he is one, but some of the points do seem to fit.
I suppose that I'm asking for advice/help/suggestions.
Sorry this is so long, but its been quite theraputical writing ti all down.
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What do we do now?
mumof2teenboys · 03/09/2009 09:09
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