Its hard to type this message but after about 16 years of being in a relationship I feel that I have had sex but never made love.
I care very much indeed for my husband - he is the only person Ive ever slept with. But feel that I have not been in love with him and he has certainly not been in love with me - although he cares very much for me also.
In fact up until recently I didnt really believe in being in love at all and thought it was ridiculous and irrelevent or just didnt really exist.
That was until about 2 years ago when I fell utterly in love with someone I know very well. It took about 6 months or so to fall in love and really I didnt see it happening or didnt want to. When I realised, it was too late - it had happened. Ive tried so hard to get out of this since then by various means, but it hasnt worked. He dosent know and we carry on being close (its hard not to as its such a natural connection) - we work together. I think he perhaps might feel the same - and its that that is so difficult. We get on so incredibly well - when people used to talk about soulmates I would not believe it, but this connection is how I feel.
I cant really describe how awful I feel about all of this for obvious reasons and the injustice to others - but in spite of the guilt the feelings dont go away, although it would be good it they did in may ways.
I can imagine that with him I could make love and I cant now let go of this idea. I have never craved just being with someone before. I almost "need" to tell him - perhaps that in itself will help the feelings disipate (if he says he does not feel the same way). Whatever, its so hard to go on feeling like this and I dont think I can for too much longer (getting another job is of course an option but v hard). Should I tell and at least hope that on rejection I will at least feel free - to continue with the rest of my life ?
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Relationships
I have had sex but never made love
chicory · 01/09/2009 22:15
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