New here....going to give u some background - all advice welcome!!! x

[chickybabe]

Hi, this may be long...! Felt i needed to explain my situation to people who dont know me i guess....(i've read some of your posts does dh stand for darling husband??? i will presume so)

I'm 28. Have been with dh(?!) for 11 years and married for 7. We have dd (9) and ds (3). To tell u all would be too long to type but basically we have been through pretty much everything u can in a marriage and then some.

Situation we are in now is that he left 2 weeks ago has already shacked up with someone else, and he is now having regrets. ?He has cheated before - very complicated situation so i took him back - has depression issues and has hurt me more than i ever thought anyone ever could, but ont the other hand made me happier than i ever thought too.

I am ready to get on with my life - I dont want to be divorced and without him but cant see another way as he just cant change (even though he is always convincing me he can and wants to - then i get blamed for trying to change him - whats up with that girls?!!!)and cant live this way anymore. My dd has taken it so well but its breaking my ds' heart.

As I predicted he acted hastily and without conversation - is now seeing the result of said actions - and is regreting it. We have told the children and I have made an app. with a divorce lawyer.

I'm happy to answer any questions - I know this may sound like a rambling mess - but how do u explain the last 11 years of relationship with people u dont know???!!!

thanks for reading xxx

[wheniwishuponastar]

Hi CB
Welcome! sounds difficult. can you organise couple counselling with him? xx

[hayes]

my exh slept around during our relationship before and after we married. Eventually, when he had stopped doing it, I suddenly realised I was better than that and I left him and divorced him. Ten years on I am happier now than I ever was with him, jusst left with terrible self esteem issues though

I was with him for 10 years and 2 kids...hardest thing I;ve ever done to leave him but it was def for the best#
good luck

[LyraSilvertongue]

What do you want? To stay with him? To split?

[chickybabe]

thanks hayes its nice to know there is life after all this!

Lyra - thats a hard one. In my head I know that its the right thing to split. The differences in ourselves that used to attract us, now divide us. We believe in totally different things, and he has hurt me so much - i feel happier when he's not here and put it this way - I have done nothing to get in the way of his new "relationship" as I'm almost grateful for it as it keeps him away from me.

He hasn't asked to come back, its just the things he's saying hinting that he may have been too hasty. The way I look at it is what he's done is unforgivable. He is STAYING with someone whom he met 2 DAYS!!!! after he left me, to and I quote, "live my life the way I want to live it - not the way you want me to".

What I think I need advice on is how to resist the temptation of doing what I always do and thats just take him back....

Its hard to explain the situation and stay anon. He can be very controlling and would think nothing of just waking up 1 day and deciding he wants his family back regardless of the fact he's with someone else - he would give me all the patter about changing, downplay this "thing" with the OW and expect me to take him back - because I have before...is this making any sense???!!!

[chickybabe]

Thank you for your reply reality. I totally agree with you - I have always been so proud of making it "work" with the man I had a child with when I was a teenager. I desperatly wanted to be the best teenage mum going and not just be another stastic - i like to think i got that bit right at least.

I love being married - we have always had a great sex life, I have no problem with being faithful. I just want to have a normal life - I dont see the problem with that.

We've been through alot and when we got married we were so happy. I take marriage so seriously, I guess its just my bad luck my husband doesnt feel the same way(!) but its also my dc's bad luck too - why doesnt he see that? Why doesnt he want to change so he can be the best man and dad he can be? And if he did truly change this time - how could i ever trust him again?

Your right - i do deserve more than this and I DO NOT want to spend the next 10 years like this....now just the small matter of making sure he doesnt feel he can come back....