I'm not sure if DH and I are being paranoid.
DH's first wife died when DS was 3. DH moved back with his parents (from 300 miles away) to be supported and also to give DS a 'normal family life'. MIL took over a bit, I think from concern for both her DS and her DGS.
By the time I met them 2.5 ish years ago, DH felt like he wasn't a proper parent as he was often undermined and DS was very clearly 'the boy who's Mum died'. He also was used to being the person in the centre of everything and didn't understand certain things (if he broke something he didn't feel bad as 'someone' will sort it and tell him it didn't matter). All fair enough and understandable, but DS told us he wanted to have a 'normal family with a Mummy and do food shopping' (he thought his is what normal people do at weekends)!
We've now been married for a year and we've had problems all along with MIL. She didn't cope with DS having moved out (DH often talks about 'when she was my Mum' which makes me really sad). We kept him staying there once a week (so make it easier for IL's and DS) but had to change the night to Friday as he was always up so late that he was tired at school-MIL also picks him up from school. Now he's always tired all weekend. Last weekend when they took him out for the day, they put him to bed on time. We were annoyed and DH said he'd talk to FIL and hope he'd pass it on (DH and MIL's talks often have an effect for a fortnight at most).
This weekend, DS was really tired (pale, shadows under the eyes, walking into things etc) and he then told us he'd slept on the sofa with Nanny. DH and I (a lot thinner than Nanny) barely fit on it together and DS moves loads in his sleep. She's also started getting out his toddler toys and wanting him to play with them. I think she's worried he's getting older.
So what I'm asking is, is it odd for a grandmother to sleep on the sofa with their grandson who is nearly 8? Also, would it bother you if he was kept up late every weekend or are we being unreasonable expecting her to respect our 'rules' and DS's routine?
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MIL's relationship with DS. Is it weird?
12 replies
randomtask · 20/07/2009 11:21
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