Right, here goes. Don't know where to start really but feel like I've woken up to how things really are between me and my husband.
Back in August last year, after not having sex with my husband for ages (maybe three or four times in the past year) I decided to make an effort and make the first move and show interest etc.
This is so hard to write but he started to not be able to get or sustain an erection. We both blamed it on condoms and I thought there must be a physical reason.
So I went on the pill and DH had tests for cholestral (sp?). The results did show some raised levels.
Anyway fast forward over the next couple of mmonths. DH never made any effort with reducing his cholestral and continued to not make any effort to initiate sex with me. He was given Viagra so an erection was no longer a problem physically.
It has all recently come to the surface again this weekend. DD was away for the night and I wondered if DH would initiate anything. Nothing.
I tried talking to him, which always ends up one-sided with him saying nothing, and told him that I want to be with him and no one else but if things continued then I'd be looking elsewhere because I can't live my life like this. I know this may sound awful to some people.
Later in the day he gave me a long cuddle which I took to mean he had listened and would start to try.
I went up to bed that night at nine to read (something I never do) and by 11pm there was still no sign of DH.
We had a blazing row (again with him not saying much) which resulted in me getting very drunk.
I feel so hurt and disgusted with myself. I feel degraded that I am almost begging my own husband to have sex with me and not very pleased about how drunk I got either.
I have come to the conclusion that he's just not attracted to me anymore (something he very much denies).
Thanks for reading.
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17 replies
sadandverylonely · 13/07/2009 20:53
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