I posted a few weeks ago - about not wanting to be with my hubby any longer. Had set myself a deadline for sorting out separation - it has been and gone and I am still no further forward really. Came up with a couple more reasons why I couldn't do anything - important events for the kids so didn't want to rock the boat etc etc; those have also been and gone! I took advantage of a row the other evening - as usual sparked by eldests behaviour - and said that we shouldn't be together anymore, he said he despised me because of the way I have turned him into the person he is with my behaviour which he beleives is down to depression/menapause, he says we can't separate as we can't afford it and the only way out would be for him to kill himself!!!!! He has used that line many times in the past - I don;t think he would actually do it but it's not a nice thing to have hanging over you as a threat. I have taken advice re finances and in theory it is possible to survive albeit at a differnt standard of living. I know that I don't love him anymore, I don't respect him and I really do not want him in my everyday life. I really can't understand what is holding me back. I hate the thought of hurting him and causing him upset and pain - but why? He has had an affair, had at least one other "friend", and whilst he hasn't done a bad job of providing materially for us as a family, emotionally he is no support, and has a very poor relationship with the kids. I am still hoping that there is the chance of a relationship with a very dear friend - we admitted some 7 motnhs ago to each other that we had always had feelings for each other that went deaper than friendship but neither had so far done anything about it - but even this doesn't seem to be spurring me on. Why or why am I not getting on with the job in hand? I am just so pissed off with myself for being such a wimp, and always putting yet another excuse in the way!
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What a waste of space I am, still haven't moved things on!!!!
21 replies
k850plus · 12/07/2009 23:48
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