What the hell am I doing with him? I want to leave

[BourbonOne]

Been with partner for 2 years. I was at a low point when we met, probably my lowest ever and I was just glad to be with someone. I forced myself to believe that I loved him. It went ok for a while, I was able to mask my doubts for so long. The kids were happier than they'd ever been so I felt I was doing the right thing.

Last year, I found work, began going out a bit more, socialised a lot more and now I find that the less I "need" him, the more I despise him.

It's just everything he does. For instance his daughter came home from school on the last day of term, year 6 ... all the kids had signed each other's sweaters as they were leaving for secondary school. In her class is one girl who everyone "hates" because she apparantly "smells" and is "dopey" and "annoying" ... basically, she's a vunerable, disadvantaged 11 year old who has become a target and probably always will be. I feel so sorry for her.

So his DD came home with the signed jumper and this other girls name was on it. DP made a "ewww" noise and said "oh god, you didn't let "sophie" sign it did you??" DSD said "well, I had to really" and so he said "you didn't sign hers did you?"

At this point I snapped at him and said "ffs, how old are you?? don't you think the kid has it bad enough without you encouraging your daughter to pick on her too??" he looked embarrassed and said "no, you're right, sorry ... I hope you signed hers DD, it's only right ... " ffs

Last week we saw two men walking down the street holding hands. DP looked and shouted "eewww good god! how horrible" whilst my DS was in the car. DS obviously asked "what, what's wrong?" and DP said "those two blokes over there are GAY"

ds then started with the "ewww gross" comments and I came down on him like a ton of bricks, before starting on DP for being so ffing ridiculous in the first place and teaching my son homophobic attitudes. He immediately back tracked and said "no no, you're right, there is nothing wrong with people like that"

And then it's just everything else. He embarrasses me. If we're shopping and I see someone I know, I try to avoid them. DP walks around like a lost child. Its embarrassing.

I saw a bloke from work at the weekend and yesterday he said to me "who was that wierd bloke you were with at weekend?" I just couldn't tell him the truth so I said "just a friend" so he laughed and said "thank fuck for that, was worried it was your boyfriend for a minute, no offense"

Something which is really adding problems to the mix is that I've fallen for another man at work. Nothing could ever happen between us as he's married but everytime I see him, he shows an interest and it makes me realise what I'm missing, stuck with him.

Only thing stopping me from leaving is that I know it will mess up the kids heads Do I stick it out for the kids sake, or leave?

[KayHarkerDoesNotSimper]

Crikey, I'd drop him quicker than crap. He sounds really embarrassing, and tbh, most significantly, you don't sound like you love him - you don't even sound as if you like him.

[HolyGuacamole]

Oh yes, if you stick with him it could be good for the children as they would learn to become homophobic and bullies?! Come one, you seriously know the answer here don't you?

Leave him and ignore the married guy.

[nickytwotimes]

If you don't leave, I would imagine the animosity will have a negative effect on the kids.

It is unfortunate, but I think you really know what you have to do.

[nickytwotimes]

Oh and yes, I agree, don't go near the married guy.

[HolyGuacamole]

Whoops, "come on", not come one.

[BourbonOne]

No I wouldn't go near the married guy, it's just so nice to talk to a man who actually acts like a man, who shows signs of intelligence and pride, you know?

Not some shell of a man with such low self esteem that he gets kicks out of bullying little girls.

[OrmIrian]

The homophobia and weak nastiness is not good.
But" I saw a bloke from work at the weekend and yesterday he said to me "who was that wierd bloke you were with at weekend?" I just couldn't tell him the truth so I said "just a friend" so he laughed and said "thank fuck for that, was worried it was your boyfriend for a minute, no offense"
"
That is just very sad. I think the 'bloke from work' sounds like a knob and you shouldn't give a toss what he thinks.

Let's be honest, the chap you've fallen for at work is the real issue here isn't he? And you don't care enough for your DP to keep things going with him.

[unavailable]

I dont understand why you have posted an abridged version of this in AIBU?

[AnyFucker]

Get shut of your partner, cos it seems you are looking for reasons to do just that.

He does sound a bit of a dick, but is he more of a dick since you met this sexy new fella ??

You don't sound very nice actually. If you want out of your relationship, do it properly.