tried posting this early and the site crashed! so here goes again...

Have posted on lots of threads and taken advice and inspiration and hope from many of them, then read other threads about the realities of dealing with an ex-p, access, recriminations, money and so on and it frightens me to death.

Been with dp for nearly 4 years, we have a 2y daughter. the abuse started slowly about 18 months ago (feels like a life time) with him nitt picking, complaining about everything, my appearance, the house work, and some so petty they can't be believed - too many suds in the washing up water...and so on and so on.

He then lost his temper when i shouted back and shook me so violently i fell over.

Since then there have been several other aggressive attacks, dragged me down the stairs by my ankles, tried to strangle me while dd was screaming on the bed next to me - because he said i was a liar - i had fallen asleep with dd and hadn't come down to do the ironing.

There have only been a few incidents, but the verbal/emotional abuse is every few days.

Despite trying to reason with him, he still feels that he was justified cos lots of men get wound up by the housework and if I did it all when and how he likes it, then he would not get wound up. So he thinks its my fault obviously. - backed up by his mum who thinks this is normal, that i provoked him and because one time i hit back she says i am just as bad as him.

Anyway to cut a long story short, after months of put downs and him swearing I have had enough - just on sunday he sat with dd on his lap and told me I was talking shit - i am fed up of pleading with him not to do this and trying to get him to understand just how damaging it is for a young girl to see her mum put down like this. Then last night the penny dropped - he does know, he just doesn't care, he knows it upsets me, he knows I would rather bite my tongue than argue back in front of dd so he tries harder and harder to provoke a reaction out of me.

If I do answer back he then says - see you are loosing it, you are unstable, you are neurotic etc etc

Trouble is, after months of persuasion he is actually making a bit more of an effort to play with dd and she has at last begun to want to play with him. Is it too little too late?

I have the chance to buy into a shared ownership house, many many miles away - i will be giving up all my friends and family but it will be a permanent roof over my dd's head that he cant kick us out of (there is not a week gone by that he hasn't at some point said, do what i say or leave).

I am fearful of his reaction - he is so negatively affected by his parents - when they are away on holiday he is a different person, I know they will insist on vengence - they believe an eye for an eye and he talks a lot of being punished and punishes me - for example he ignored my birthday last year as punishment cos we weren't getting on.

The police have told me to move out and not give a forwarding address. This seems so drastic.

I have this dream that if i can get him away from his parents we would be able to start a new happier life. Am i barking mad?

I know I have to leave, enough people have told me. I just don't want to have to face the reality of it.

Is it my fault? if I did all the housework, never had any dishes in the sink or ironing to do, would he be nice to me? The house is tidy, there is always washing / ironing - i dont have a tumble drier and its often hard to get things dried. I dont have as dish washer and he doesn't like me to wash up during hte day (wastes water he says) but he gets annoyed when there is a pile of it after dinner. (i do wash up during hte day)

I am grateful i am a SAHM and that he pays the bills, but the cost seems to be my soul.

I want to be able to love him without bracing myself for the next barbed sarcastic comment. He said that he wants a loving woman - i said i used to be before you hurt me and shout and swear at me.