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It's for his own good...

6 replies

blinks · 18/05/2009 16:35

DH appalling with money... not a spendthrift but forgetful and doesn't keep up to date with finances so often takes money out when we can't afford it or on same day a bill comes out. Doesn't pay things on time or takes library books back, runs up fines blahblahblah. Mainly it's forgetfulness and putting things off.

I've proposed (following a £36.00 library fine) that he stops using all cards except for a cashline card. I'll arrange a direct debit for money to go into this account every month, enough for coffee, magazines etc. It's stressful enough sorting all of the families money/finances out while balancing two small children and a job without mopping up after his money mayhem.

He's a bit pissed off at my proposal and I think he feels he makes most of our money so he should have access to it... we need to chat about it but I can't see any way around it. He once let a library fine escalate to the point of debt collectors etc. I've tried writing all our outgoing bills etc on piece of paper and hanging it on the door and giving him a copy for reference but i don't think he looked at it once.

Is my idea de-masculating and an insult or just practical and realistic?

Disclaimer- He's an all round gem apart from this. (I may show him this to help my case)

OP posts:

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bigchris · 18/05/2009 16:37

I think you are being practical and realistic

If he wants to grow a pair and manage his own finances he needs to grow up!

I would find it infuriating too.

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Alibabaandthe40nappies · 18/05/2009 16:39

I can understand him being pissed off, but I think you are right to do it.

Problem is that he's behaving like a child about it and refusing to be responsible in relation to anything financial, so what else are you meant to do? You can't have debt collectors and whatever going on, what happens if he buggers up your joint credit rating and you can't get mortgage or car loan or something important when you need one?

If he doesn't like this plan, what alternative is he suggesting? (Mr blinks - I will try harder isn't a valid alternative )

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MorrisZapp · 18/05/2009 16:40

Forget gender. He's crap with money, but he's lucky to have a lovely wife who will help him with that.

My sister is the same - her DP earns most of the money but she looks after it and gives him 'pocket money' or they'd all be in the debtors prison.

He'll soon see how nice life is when somebody else is doing the organising. I used to organise all my own money but now DP does a lot of it and I must admit he's better at it than me - no problem, he can do it.

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KingCanuteIAm · 18/05/2009 16:44

I know quite a few couples who operate like this and it works well.

If he is really not happy could you turn it aroud a bit? I.e. work out what the outgoings are each month, open a new account and have all the money transferred to the new account each month. That way the dds go from the new account and dh is left with the same as his pin money would have been but in his current account. I know it is no real difference but it may feel different to him IYSWIM?

Doing this would mean you are just proposing to open a new account to pay the household stuff from and leaving him with his current account rather than taking it all away which may make him happier IYSWIM.

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AttilaTheMeerkat · 18/05/2009 16:49

blinks

Sometimes these attitudes re money also stem from their own parents. Presumably his parents have the same cavalier attitude to money and spending. If this is the case its a very hard habit to break.

Think this is a practical way forward but he has to want to learn to manage his money properly. You handling all the cash long term is not going to solve his underlying attitude.

I would also read some books by Alvin Hall as he is very good at the whole subject of money management. It could also help you as well re budgeting.

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blinks · 18/05/2009 16:55

he's not come up with an alternative. he's just said he wants to think about it.

he's probably hoping i'll forget about it if he doesn't bring it up again.

i agree with MorrisZapp- it shouldn't be a gender issue but he's a stubborn bugger.

scatty + stubborn = annoying

must mention i'm not brilliant with money myself but have made a real effort over past few years to be in control of our finances in order to get us the house and pay off/organise debts etc. i think to him it's all kind of invisible as he's removed from it. bills are paid, food is bought, finances arranged as if by magic!