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Relationships

So sad looking at baby clothes :(

4 replies

sentimentallady · 17/05/2009 18:47

Ok I don't know why I am posting this in relationships.... actually yes I do. H and I separated a few months back.

I am rather short on cash now (on income support etc etc) so decided to look in the loft at all the baby clothes, toys etc that my DD had and we didn't use anymore - thought I could ebay and car boot.

Embarassingly enough H was here whilst I was doing it. I burst into tears at the sight of my DD's clothes, her toys, my maternity wear...

And it made me sad because I realised that I might not get to have another baby for a long time, will I have a baby again, will I be in a stable relationship again?

It also made me sad because I remember when I was heavily preggers my H was going out alot with his mates and one night went to a party with all his mates, left me at home, upset, I was distraught because he had not been very nice to me, ended up getting very distressed on the phone at him, the next day my H told me he wasn't happy with us, his life, marriage etc. I heard this every few months from then on.

It made me so sad because I didn't have a pregnancy I enjoyed, I didn't feel cherished, I felt neglected and I wish I'd had a pregnancy where both of us were genuinely happy and excited.

Im so angry and upset of having been robbed of that and all the misery after.

I thought I didn't want anymore children because of the way I'm feeling at the moment, all too much on my own, tired, depressed and what not, but it made me realise how much I would love to have a happy and cherished pregnancy and relationship. And if I'll ever have that. Sorry if this doesn't make any sense, I'm crying as I write this

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thesilverlining · 17/05/2009 18:52

It hurts like hell doesn't it? You'r enot mental or anything you are just a normal woman who is hurting inside and tbh all kinds of things will set you off. Finding baby stuff and selling it etc is like a real reminder of what has happened to you.

It sucks and I have no other words of wisdom other than so many of us are struggling with the same emotions - so take comfort that you are no alone xxx

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sobloodystupid · 17/05/2009 18:59

so sorry to hear what a rough time you're having sl. If it is any consolation, I think that all of us are guilty of judging ourselves more harshly than anyone else...
Anyone looking over baby things cries (me at the thought I may not have another, ds is only 3 months ffs). Let yourself cry, you probably are seeing things in a distorted way because you are so low.
You have a healthy dd, you had the strength to separate from your h, you are facing the world as a newly single person, rather than half a couple. You are confident enough not to need the "security" of marriage and to leave a relationship that wasn't working. We all have regrets, my early months with my dd were "spoiled" by what was probably PND, certainly depression of some kind.
Understandably, you want to feel cherished and adored and valued at this time, and you are by your dd certainly and your family hopefully as well as true friends.
Don't waste time regretting the past, cos you are wasting time now that you won't get back(easier said and all that). You may not have another child or perhaps you might, you might meet the man of your dreams tomorrow or you may not, but don't try to live a lifetime in the coming months. Sorry, I'm lecturing, allow yourself to have bad days... Good luck and chin up!

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sentimentallady · 18/05/2009 06:37

Thanks, I just felt so overwhelmingly sad last night, it took me by surprise.

But hopefully today will be better

I just feel so sad and awful getting rid of all her clothes (well not all, I'm keeping the really cute stuff and the stuff that I just can't possibly bear to part with) but it's still a reminder of dreams that have been dashed and a future we were robbed of. (so dramatic, I know )

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sobloodystupid · 18/05/2009 09:05

Today will be better. Plan something nice for yourself today, or make up a to do list -if you do half of the stuff on it, you get a reward (works for me and always involves a bath,chocs and a mag... 0

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