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Relationships

How often to you go up to bed with DH/DP at the same time?

47 replies

lonelyatnight · 16/05/2009 12:06

For a while now I have noticed me and DH rarely go to bed at the same time, if I go to bed he stays up if I stay up he goes to bed. It's beginning to get me down especially since he now works 7 days a week and we hardly ever see each other.

So is it just me or is this normal?

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PuppyMonkey · 16/05/2009 12:13

I'd say me and DP usually go up together two or three times a week (usually when having some rumpy pumpy ) - the rest of the time we're a bit like you, one of us goes up first. It's not such a big thing is it? Or is it more of a lack of sex thing with you?

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Cies · 16/05/2009 12:14

We hardly ever go to bed at the same time. DH takes the dog out last thing at night and I get sleepy much earlier than him, and need more hours than he does. I know what you mean though, you do miss that night time cuddle.

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Tillyscoutsmum · 16/05/2009 12:16

We nearly always go together. I don't like going separately for some reason. I enjoy our night time chats/cuddles without any tv/laptop etc in the way. If one of us isn't ready to sleep, they will read for a while after the cuddle/chat

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Lubyloo · 16/05/2009 12:16

We never go to bed at the same time and DH complains about it. He goes to bed about 10-10.30pm and I am not normally in bed before 1am.

For the sake of my marriage I really must stop Mumsnetting!

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Poledra · 16/05/2009 12:19

At the moment, we almost never go to bed at the same time, as I have a nightwaking 10-month old baby so I go up earlier than him. I do miss going to bed at the same time but once the baby is sleeping better, it's more likely that I will go to bed before him but still be awake reading when he comes up.

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MIAonline · 16/05/2009 12:23

Every night, unless one of us as been out.
I don't like going to bed on my own, it feels weird.

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Supercherry · 16/05/2009 12:30

I usually go first, because I'm shattered and because I'm bored. If I do stay up with DP he tends to fall asleep on the sofa anyway. He works really long hrs and DS still wakes up in the night so we are still in the tired parent stage I think. Either that or we just bore each other to sleep.

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2rebecca · 16/05/2009 14:11

Nearly always. If we went at separate times I'd want separate rooms, and our relationship would be weaker.

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Lizzylou · 16/05/2009 14:15

Most nights, to be honest.
Unless one of us is out for the evening.
I have been mainly in bed for the past few days though as have been ill.
Normally we finish tidying up downstairs then watch TV in bed/whatever

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tattifer · 16/05/2009 14:18

nearly always, in fact I went up earlier the other night and we commented on how unusual it was.

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sobloodystupid · 16/05/2009 14:21

I'm always in bed before dh. I lurrve to sleep and tend to go around 9.30 or 10 whereas dh will go up around 11 or later

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FiveGoMadInDorset · 16/05/2009 14:21

Every night unless DD is playing up and then one of us sleeps on the sofa

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partyfairy · 16/05/2009 14:26

Most nights we go together unless one of us is out or one of us (me) is unusually tired for some reason.

I really like it that way. My XP always used to stay up for at least an hour after me, but I think he was trying to avoid having sex by waiting until I was asleep!

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Jojay · 16/05/2009 14:30

Hardly ever I'm tired 'cos DS2 still feeds in the night, and Dh falls asleep on the sofa in front of the telly.

It isn't ideal, but it's how it is for now.

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lonelyatnight · 16/05/2009 15:31

It's the lack of affection rather than sex, the only time we do go up together is when he wants to get his leg over. This and other things are really upsetting me, ive been in tears most days recently I wonder whether ive got pnd (DC4 was born 3 months ago) but tbh the kids are the only things that make me smile these days.

Tried talking to him about how ive been feeling but I dont think he gets how lonely i am. He used to be so caring, affectionate but ever since I fell pregnant with dc4 he seems to have become more and more distant. I don't know maybe i'm reading too much into it and things will improve, i hope so for the sake of our marriage .

OP posts:
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YanknCock · 16/05/2009 15:50

We usually go up together, though he always falls asleep before me.

At the moment, we are sleeping in separate rooms as I am so uncomfortable in our bed---the spare room has the memory foam mattress which helps with my SPD. But we go upstairs together, snuggle and chat for a while, then I go to the other room. He comes into the spare room for a snuggle in the morning.

We're actually both sleeping a lot better this way. I don't have to wear earplugs.

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PuppyMonkey · 16/05/2009 16:34

lonely, I suppose what you could do is the next time he starts to go to bed first, just get up and go with him!

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EyeballsisonaDietAgain · 16/05/2009 16:37

Never. DH takes DD up to bed and, as she's too little to be left in our bed on her own, he stays up there with her and watches TV or reads. Despite my good intentions I never get to bed before midnight and often after 1.

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imoscarsmum · 16/05/2009 16:54

puppymonkey I'm jealous - sex 3 times a week!!!!

DP and I go up at the same time every night and I'd feel wierd if we didn't. We wait up for each other on the rare occasions we go out without each other. If one of us is tired, we both go up early and the non-tired one will read or watch TV. I love it - we often hold hands under the duvet! (not much else tho as we have an 8 month old

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Babysamrocks · 16/05/2009 17:00

We always go to bed at the same time. I'd hate him to go without me and i wouldn't go without him. Even if one or the other of us is out we still wait up for one another.

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OrmIrian · 16/05/2009 17:01

Only when he's after a shag. As he knows once I'm out cold that's it for the night.

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MarlaSinger · 16/05/2009 17:06

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

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PlumpRumpSoggyBaps · 16/05/2009 17:12

Maybe 3 nights out of 7. The other nights, if he wants to stay up, he sleeps downstairs on the sofa. He also sleeps downstairs if he has to get up stupidly early. But I have major sleep difficulties which mean that if I'm woken mid-sleep, I can't drop off again. Also the slightest thing will make me unable to sleep, for instance worrying about what time he'll be coming to bed.

Sadly at the moment we only get around to shagging every three weeks or so.....not brilliant, but this phase will pass and we'll get back to normal.

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prettyfly1 · 16/05/2009 18:26

every night unless one of us is out for the night. I really enjoy our chats and cuddles before sleep time.

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sfxmum · 16/05/2009 18:29

we are both night owls, or have night owl tendencies, we usually go to bed at roughly the same time the majority of the time, unless one of us needs to sleep because otherwise we will chat and so on for a while yet

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