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I am so desperate for Sex, this is crazy

8 replies

CrushWithEyeliner · 15/05/2009 13:03

DH has barely touched me since DD was born 3 years ago. He says it is just due to work stress and co-sleeping. He also says it has been so long he is a bit "shy" to just jump in there without any building up to it. I haven't a clue what he means really; he can't just seem to grab me and get down to it. I have tried to make moves but will not be trying again only to be told he is not in the mood.

To be frank, it has put me off him and I am fantasising about sex with other guys. We are great pals but there is no sexual spark anymore. I feel if we ever do it I may have to think of someone else . I don't think I would ever cheat on him because I feel it is a totally shitty thing to do. But I am a young, attractive woman with needs. I don't have a high sex drive really. How can I live like this?

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PlumBumMum · 15/05/2009 13:05

Can you have an evening where you can just relax and kiss and cuddle, massage, but no sex, try and get his confedence up again

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maltesers · 15/05/2009 13:19

I had exactly the same problem with my dp. We have actually split up now ( he had serous anger problems etc). But he had a very low sex drive and it was the initial problem that seemed to start off all our fights and unhappiness. I eventually wandered, in desparation. I only hope you can warm to each other and get the sex thing going again; its so crucial to a healthy relationship. My new partner now i have been with for a year is fantastic and well into sex. Nothing wrong with his passion at all.
Sometimes you wonder if they are making excuses...He is not up to no good is he ?? . Sorry, its just a thought .. try talking to him calmly (difficult) and try to get to the bottom of it all. I fully sympathise but try to get his attention , looking great, smelling great, being patient. Or if that doesnt work then it is his problem and you may need to go to a marriage concillor who could help iron out the probs. I do wish you lots of luck... its not easy. Let us know how it goes.
Also maybe try a romantic weekend/nite away without your DD, where you can both relax , have a few drinks and give time to each other.

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BottySpottom · 15/05/2009 13:30

Not tried it myself, but I've heard this game raved about by people hitting a sticky patch:

Monogomy board game

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CrushWithEyeliner · 15/05/2009 13:30

Thanks for replying - that is good advice. I so doubt he is with anyone else, unless they are celibate lol. I probably need to make more effort with looking great but we all know with LO how hard that is. I am still attractive though. DH puts me on a pedastal - he says I am beautiful, so why can't he do it with me?

I think we need to relax and take an evening, but I haven't felt "hot", sorry for these terms, for him in years. I get more excited for other guys, aquaintances who I may have a cheeky flirt with and think wow, I shouldn't have felt so flushed and into that. Did you feel that too?

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maltesers · 15/05/2009 13:47

Sounds like you have gone off hubby a bit,, eyeing up other guys.... natural though !! If dh thinks your beautiful then thats good. Get looking cracking and be so oh nice to him... a glass of wine or 2 will get inhibitions out and passion in. Does he like sexy lingerie or underwear ??? if so get it on ...

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HolyGuacamole · 15/05/2009 16:11

Can you get someone to take the little on for a night and go out on a date with your DH consisting of both of you really making an effort to get dolled up for each other? A nice meal then along to the pub for a couple of drinks, maybe chatting about you two, work, the telly (or whatever) and being cheeky flirty - anything that gets you away from being 'parents' for the night and back into 'being lovers'?

OK, I know that sounds super cheesy but maybe do it without the expectation of sex and just see what happens when you two can get out for a night and have a laugh together, let it happen naturally?

Good luck, you sound like you're a really nice couple and he sounds like he adores you!

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howtotellmum · 15/05/2009 16:29

Might sound extreme, but have you considered psychosexual therapy as a couple, via Relate?

One phrase struck me- he puts you on a pedestal. Some men have what is called the Princess and Prostitute syndrome- means they put their women on pedestals and cannot imagine fucking them! (You are a princess). It is JUST possible that since giving birth, he sees you as amother-earth/untouchable figure,not a "whore"- NOT meaning you are not attractive, or that he doesn't fancy you, but that his desire and his emotions have got a bit mixed up.

Might be worth suggesting Relate with a sex expert?

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CrushWithEyeliner · 16/05/2009 13:58

Just wanted to say thanks to everyone for their thoughts on this. I have some thinking to do and I am going to take advice and try to be more "into it" with him myself take some time and give things another chance. The alternative is, well having sex with other men which is not an option really. We have some things to work on and we will .