help need some words of encourage to keep me going!!!

[missylea]

i wrote a thread a few weeks ago saying the my dp spat on me in an arguement and being mentally abusive. I have 2 dc from previous marriage and ds with him.
I just felt he never accepted my dc and said that he would never feel the same for them as his own ds and i told him that i would rather live on my own with my dc and bring them up equals as him making a difference.
He has since came crawling back and said that he is gonna go and get help and i said that i wouldnt even contemplate speaking to him ever again if he didnt.
I was doing well over the last few weeks and getting on with my life with the help and support of you ladies but basically he has been texting and saying that he really wants things to work and will do anything. He is starting to get into my head again and i was thinking that if he gets help for himself maybe him and i would go to relate to help our relationship.
I am still extremely angry and feel the trust has been ruined in the relationship so today we had another arguement as he was taking ds to birthday party but not taking my other dc (i dont know if its me expecting too much of him as they are not his children) and he often reminds me of this! he said that we arent together so why should he take them??? I told him to shrove it and i would take my dc out with me!
He has just sent a text saying that we would be better to leave things and there is no point as the relationship is a diaster. So why now am i feeling hurt and sad whenever i was doing ok before??
Please be gentle a bit fragile at the minute

[Alambil]

He's still using you - pepping you up for trying again and knocking you back WHEN IT SUITS HIM and his moods.

Don't text or talk to him about ANYTHING that isn't shared-DC related.... it's the only way to truly free yourself of his control and manipulation which is what you need to do to move forward fully and successfully.

[mrsboogie]

I remember your thread missy - you have done brilliantly well to keep him out of your life so far. What he has done here is to actually do you a big favour - he has shown you his true colours yet again. He is annoyed because you took control and dumped him - this is not how its meant to be - HE is meant to be in control. So he is forced to be nice to you and promise all sorts in order to get back back in your head. This was working - as you say you were considering going to Relate.

But he couldn't even wait until he had you fully snared before he started acting like a wanker again could he? How DARE HE expect your 2 kinds to be treated as second class citizens? Why should they be treated any differently to their little brother? Is he worth more than them because he is this man's child? NO! They should all be treated as equals. How would you ever explain to them when they are older why they got the shitty end of the stick and their brother got everything and taken everywhere? They would hate you for it. You are not asking too much for your kids to be treated as equals. You would be letting them down very badly if you did not demand it.

He will ALWAYS be that guy who spat in your face. You don't need him and your kids certainly don't. Just stay strong and be glad he reminded you how pathetic and horrible he is.

[missylea]

he has me now that i wanted things to work cause of the things he was saying and i have been really strong up until this point. I still do feel strong as i just texted him back ok! but feel as if i have taken 2 steps back now cause i suppose havent spent any time with him and forgot how manipulative he is when he was being nice and saying things and over the last few weeks i was in control for a change and it felt good. I feel im losing that control and dont like it.

[mrsboogie]

No, you still have control - you have not got back with him or anything like that and you know what his agenda is. You are clearly not stupid and not willing to be taken for a mug. Just consider this to be like someone giving up a bad habit - sometimes you weaken and fall back into bad ways but then you carry on. You know why he was being nice - not because he is nice or has changed but becasue he knew he had to manipulate you to get anywhere You know this. Next time you will be stronger.

[missylea]

Thanks mrs b. He keeps reminding me though that my 2 ds have their own daddy and he is not theirs, he said he is only responsable for ds and how can i expect that from him whenever they arent his!!! He said if we arent together and his sister dc has birthday party only his ds would go and i said no i dont think so cause they are all brothers so none of them would be going! He would just do it behind my back anyhow and i wouldnt know where he was taking ds.

[mrsboogie]

Well there's not much you can do I suppose if he wants to take his child to a family party (although if I was you I would kick off big style if he lied about where he was taking the child) but you can insist that your children are treated equally in your home and his unwillingness to do this is a good reminder of why he doesn't deserve any of you.

Good luck and stay strong.