Feeling really miserable today

[Feelingoptimistic]

I guess I am just looking for some sympathy. It's nearly three years since my DH left us for someone else, and I don't seem to be moving on with my life. It was a long marriage, and a shock when he left when our DD was only a few months old. He now has a baby with OW, and will be getting married soon (has recently applied for a divorce from me) and his life is going really well.

I am ok financially and have a good job, and on the surface I probably seem to many people to have a quite a good life and be coping well, but I am not really.

I have an amicable relationship with my ex DH, but in some ways in makes it worse because to me he is still the man I loved so much. It hurts so much that he and the OW have everything that I ever wanted - a family and love in their life.

I know this sounds really pathetic, but I am so miserable, and I am scared that it will never get better. The thing is that because we have a DD, I can't just forget him - he will always be there in the background of my life, if that makes sense.

His parents are visiting so this morning we all had breakfast out (me, DD, him and his parents) - it was pleasant, but then they all went off to join his new family to spend the day together, including my DD, while I came home alone.

As my nickname suggests, I am trying to get on with my life, but I feel like there must be something wrong with me, because he couldn't love me.

[StirlingTheStrong]

I feel for you feelingoptimistic. It is so hard to move on when part of you wants to be with someone else

Have you ever talked it through with a therapist? Maybe that would help you to move on. Your yellow pages will list people under Counselling, just check they are qualified.

Is there no way you can get out to meet people? I am not saying that you need to start a new relationship. You can only do that when you feel ready.

I hope someone else comes along with better advice - take care

[Feelingoptimistic]

Thanks for answering STS. I probably do need some therapy !!

I have days when I am ok, but deep down I have not really come to terms with anything.

[StirlingTheStrong]

We saw an independent Counsellor together but as things are not working out with h I am considering going to see her on my owm, just to get my head around what has happened.

I really think it may help you too. Do you blame yourself? Or is part of you still expecting your exh to come back?

[Feelingoptimistic]

All of the above really ! I think all that time, until he actually made the divorce application, I had this very small hope at the back of my mind that he would come back -I guess I always thought that we were meant for each other, etc. and I could not get my head around the fact that I have actually lost him forever. That sounds so melodramatic, doesn't it !!

And now, that it's all so final, it's sinking in, and a small voice inside me is saying that it was all my fault because I was not pretty enough, not fun, etc.

I know I just need to get over it.

[StirlingTheStrong]

Easier said than done though isn't it?

I know it would be easier to never see them again, but when dc are involved that isn't always possible.

Please give talking to someone a go. They may be able to help you close the door on that relationship and move on, and see it wasn't your fault.

If you dont mind, I shall give you a

[Feelingoptimistic]

Thanks STS - it's lovely to get a virtual hug.

[StirlingTheStrong]

Good, glad it was ok - don't want to appear too soppy!!

[AnyFucker]

FO, you sound lovely and I don't blame you for feeling sad

who wouldn't feel sad when your former inlaws and your dd go swanning off for a lovely family day that should have been yours

tbh, that was a bit heartless of the grown-ups wasn't it?

look after yourself and I'm sure it is the impending divorce that is bringing these feelings to the front of your mind

you will be fine

you have a lovely dd, a good life and you have to stop hankering for what cannot be

< another hug for you >

[Feelingoptimistic]

Thanks so much OH. You are very perceptive, as you have summed up how I feel.
Maybe that's what life is about - accepting the things we cannot change, and making the most of what we have.

[AnyFucker]

good luck x