My feed
Premium

Please
or
to access all these features

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Relationships

How do I tell MIL that I don't want her constant unwanted and unhelpful opinions and comments!!

8 replies

Dragonfly74 · 04/05/2009 12:21

In the 4yrs that dh and I have been married his mother has constantly interfered in every aspect of our relationship I have over that time ignored most of what she says and does,
but every so often she does something that just winds me up so much that I just want to scream at her to leave us alone.

Her favourite subject at the minute is how we raise our ds 3.3yrs. When ds was 2 he developed a lazy eye which we are treating with glasses and an eyepatch, we have been told that the vision in the lazy eye is weak but the movement in the eye is improving but if the lazy eye doesn't correct completley over time ds will be offered corrective surgery, the orthoptist has emphasised that this would be purely cosmetic and wouldn't improve the vision at all.

Well ds recently started pre school and MIL keeps banging on about how other children will pick on ds because of his eye, My view on this is that even the most physically perfect children get picked on and even if ds didn't have glasses and a patch he could still get picked on because thats what children are like.

But she keeps pushing the issue saying that we should have the op done, (it hasn't even been offered yet). We moved house last month and she walked in and sat infront of ds and said to me... Well now youv'e got the house, all you need is HIS eye sorting out and everything will be perfect, I just looked at her and said HE is perfect.

Its just this sort of comment that winds me up, I mean here she is going on about other children picking on ds and IMO she is in her own way picking on him by constantly making negative comments about his eye.
I'm not saying we won't have the op done but surely thats a decision me and dh will make when the time comes.

As I mentioned ds started pre school recently and he didn't settle to well in the beginning, MIL has even told me that its my fault because i'm a SAHM and I didn't send him to a childminder. She says I should have gone back to work like she did when she had her DC.

Sorry to rant but she makes me so mad, I just wish I could have it out with her but she isn't a nice person, I've seen her in a rage and I don't want to be on the receiving end... How do I deal with this without causing a huge row? I just want her to back off and trust that i'm a good mum, our dc are happy and healthy can't she just be happy with that??

OP posts:
Report
rubyslippers · 04/05/2009 12:22

you will cause a row but that is because she hasn't been challenged before

your DH needs to step in pretty sharp-ish to tell her to keep comments like that to herself

Report
Dragonfly74 · 04/05/2009 12:27

I wish DH would step in but everytime I mention how annoyed I am with his mothers comments he just rolls his eyes at me and says "she's only trying to help"

OP posts:
Report
rubyslippers · 04/05/2009 12:29

well that is a kind POV from your DH ...

he needs to back you up - you are his wife and mother of his children

being constantly undermined in your own home is shite

start talking back - nicely but firmly

Report
HolyGuacamole · 04/05/2009 12:30

Agree with Ruby. You probably can't solve this without an argument.

DH needs to take control.

The worst thing you can do is argue with your DH about it. You two should act like a team and decide together what tactics you are going to take. Don't let it get between you though and do also give a bit of understanding to your DH. He may never have stood up to this lady before so for him, it is a very, very big thing to do. He needs your support because I am guessing he probably has been under a lot of emotional pressure to always please his mum and agree with her on everything she says. Breaking a pattern of namby-pambying someone because of emotional pressure is a very hard and brave thing to do.

Report
pagwatch · 04/05/2009 12:31

Is it not possible that she is well intentioned but handling it badly.
have you tried asking her how to help protect DS from negative comments while his options are evoling - and see if you can enlist her help rather than 'tooling up' to fight with her....

Report
MoominMymbleandMy · 04/05/2009 12:32

No useful advice but lots of sympathy. She sounds a complete horror.

I think your DH is only one who can step in without causing a row which will reverberate for years. But, if he won't, I think you have to bite your tongue...or go for the row.

Report
hobbgoblin · 04/05/2009 12:37

I know you are in a close to impossible position but you must take a stand against this for your son's sake.

If she gives you grief, just think that you are taking the crap to spare your DS.

Report
mamas12 · 04/05/2009 13:32

Well done for sticking up for your ds though. This is how you will have to carry on with her. Tell your dh if he isn't going to say anything then you will be responding to her 'remarks' and will be standing up for yourself, you are an adult, if he he still wants to be the child that's up to him.
He will have to start defending you soon to his mum so don't worry when that happens it's great.

Report
Please create an account

To comment on this thread you need to create a Mumsnet account.