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Relationships

People will laugh at my choice of partner

44 replies

JakesMumz · 30/04/2009 13:29

I have been seeing someone for the past few months. I have told nobody. I have also asked him to tell nobody as I am a very private person. This is true ... but another reason is that I'm worrying what people will think.

He's a lovely person but does act a bit odd. I can look past that but I know other people won't and they will wonder why I'm with him.

This week I decided it was ridiculous carrying on the way I was and I told myself I didn't care what people think. Then last night a friend said to me "where's that wierd bloke you were with last week?" and it just put me back down again because it confirms that people do think badly of him and it wasn't just me being paranoid.

Why do I care what people think and how do I stop?

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HecatesTwopenceworth · 30/04/2009 13:33

Really, it depends what he does. Can you give an example?

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jumpingbeans · 30/04/2009 13:34

What does he do?

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JakesMumz · 30/04/2009 13:36

I can't quite put my finger on it, he's just very nervous all the time and over-compensates by shouting really loudly.

He tends to laugh constantly but I think that's nerves too.

And he stands a bit wierd.

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RealityIsMyOnlyDelusion · 30/04/2009 13:36

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tigana · 30/04/2009 13:37

We all care what other people think ( to differing extents) it's part of living in a society.
Context would be useful. But...maybe you care so much becuse they are reflecting your own discomfort with his behaviour?
If he is a nice guy and makes you happy etc etc then you and your friends shouldn't be bothered by 'wierdness' (as long as it is 'harmless' weirdness...iykwim)

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RealityIsMyOnlyDelusion · 30/04/2009 13:37

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tigana · 30/04/2009 13:38

So he is a bit socially anxious...That's not 'weird'....he can join the club (hmmm a social club for the socially anxious...)

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JakesMumz · 30/04/2009 13:40

Whenever he's stood still he holds his hand in a 'limp wrist' across his belly. I can't describe it very well but it does look really odd and I've seen people looking and laughing. I'm not sure if he's even aware of it himself.

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SheWillBeLoved · 30/04/2009 13:40

Talk to him about the shouting maybe? Just mention it in passing, don't make it come across like an obvious criticism. I'm sure he's already aware of it.

And tell your 'friends' not to be so bloody nasty. The reason he is probably so nervous all the time is because he knows that people like that judge him before knowing him.

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Uriel · 30/04/2009 13:41

Is he weight conscious and trying to hide his belly?

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JakesMumz · 30/04/2009 13:44

he is weight concious, yes. It's more the way he holds his hand though, rather than just holding it across his belly he holds in a really stereotype comical 'limp wrist' way. People do laugh and it makes me self concious.

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LoveMyGirls · 30/04/2009 13:45

I kind of know what you mean though my bloke isn't weird........he's ginger, I kept it quiet for a bit too because I thought people would laugh and one or two people did make a couple of comments once it was out in the open but tbh I don't care what they think enough to stop me being with someone who has treated me really well and makes me laugh and that I deeply care about and love even when i got pg with dd2 and people said oh what if she's ginger, I said so what if she's ginger I love ginger hair it's better than boring blonde or brown. I'm lucky my dp has a sense of humour and being ginger is what makes him the person he is, it's the reason for his razor sharp wit!

If you like him and you're happy sod them and their shallowness!

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tigana · 30/04/2009 13:46

Another sign of social anxiety perhaps - non verbal behaviour of 'shielding' body with arm.
Just one of those physical things we all have.
That doesn't make him weird.

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RealityIsMyOnlyDelusion · 30/04/2009 13:47

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GypsyMoth · 30/04/2009 13:47

well if you're embarassed by him now,can you imagine how it will grate on you a few years down the line?

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seeker · 30/04/2009 13:49

I am assuming that the ginger post is a joke?

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SheWillBeLoved · 30/04/2009 13:49

If you aren't willing to accept him, warts and all, for what/who he is without being embarrassed by him - then let him go for his own sake to find someone who isn't so worried about other peoples opinions.

I understand some things may make you cringe, certain things my DP does make me cringe, but I'd never dream of hiding him away because of what people may think. Imagine it were you who was being hidden away as you were so embarrassing. Wouldn't be a nice feeling to find that out. would it?

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LoveMyGirls · 30/04/2009 13:50

No it's not a joke, honestly some people are very harsh, dp has had to put up with and got bullied when he was younger.

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tigana · 30/04/2009 13:52

Wouldn't he look more 'weird' if he his arm across his stomach with a suitably butch clenched fist at the end?
I think the limpness is more likely trtying to make himself look relaxed (despite the fact he isn't).

FFS woman. If you like him it doesn't matter.
Your friends sound a bit like they need to grow up and stop judging people so quickly on so little.

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Miggsie · 30/04/2009 13:53

Find new friends?

Take up a hobby/sport with new partner and not see such awful people?

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solidgoldSneezeLikeApig · 30/04/2009 13:55

I think if you were really keen on him you would not be worried about what a lot of boring normals think, you would be annoyed with them, not him.
If you are slightly ashamed of dating him, which is what it sounds like, then you should probably stop dating him, but it depends a bit on how he feels. If he is not particularly interested in socialising with your friends (who do sound like a boring little bunch of suburbanites anyway) then you could perhaps continue to see him on a just-the-two-of-you basis, but if you think he is getting or wants to get serious about you, better bail out nicely now. Because you're not serious about him and you;re not going to get serious about him.

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RoseOfTheOrient · 30/04/2009 13:56

Stand next to him so he can put his "limp" arm around your shoulders or something. Or hold his hand Then you will have "come out" about your relationship with him, and the "limpness" will be solved. Result!!

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seeker · 30/04/2009 14:15

"No it's not a joke, honestly some people are very harsh, dp has had to put up with and got bullied when he was younger."

Must have done wonders for his self esteem to know that you were keeping your relationship quiet!

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rasputin · 30/04/2009 14:17

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HecatesTwopenceworth · 30/04/2009 16:15

If my 'friends' were laughing at my bloke, I wouldn't be embarrassed about him, I'm be mad as hell at them. If he meant enough to you, you'd defend him against attack, and you certainly wouldn't be embarrassed about him. so maybe you're just not that into him, which is no crime. But if that's the case and it's making you feel anxious or whatever, perhaps it's time to call it a day? Because when you're in a relationship - that person has to mean more to you than some tosser who gets their kicks out of being nasty.

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