How much support with childcare do you get from your family ? Has this suprised you?

[fufflebum]

Just wanted to start this thread as in the last 4 years since 2 DC have been born it has suprised me how little both sets of Grandparents seem to want to offer in the way of childcare or visits to their grand children.

With the exception of my mum who visits quite regularly we have had very little practical input (regular babysitting/taking out for day etc).

One set live a long way away, Scotland, and visit once per year, if lucky. The other live about 1 1/2 hrs away. All are in good health and are retired.

No siblings near to offer assistance.

I have to admit both DH and I are quite 'independent' and like to get on with stuff.

However, I wanted to do a 'straw poll' to see if my/our experience is usual.......

[CaptainKarvol]

Well.... my parents had DS for one overnight so I could take DH away for his 40th birthday.

Apart from that, nothing. (DS is 3, DD

[SnortyBartFast]

mine is my child care twice a week, she lives half an hour away and has been doing so for 10 eyars,
she loves it.
though we dont get the evenings/nights out, but i spose we could if we asked nicely or in advance

[jeee]

Both sets of grandparents live hundreds of miles away. They try to visit, but that in itself means stress for us. My sister used to visit every week, but as she was disabled there was a limit to what she could do in the way of childcare.

We learned to live with the fact that our children are our responsibility. Yes, we don't get to go out by ourselves very often, but we chose to have children.

[PortoPandemico]

Um, none. Ever. They've never been close enough really. I am SOOO of people where grandma babysits every weekend.

[sheena1]

My mum and gran watches kids on a saturday when im at work but for nights out or even just to spend time with dp i get no help x

[lilacclaire]

My mum watches ds 2 or 3 times a week for short periods for college/work etc.
She watches him a night at the weekend about once a month just now, but in the summer it rises as we go to concerts and stuff a lot more.
I know im really lucky and my mum lives literally 2 mins walk from me, she can spy on my through my kitchen window from her upstairs room lol.

[poshwellies]

Nothing from my mother,last time she had dd ,I was in labour with ds (he's 6).

My father has babysat once (dd is 14 and ds is 6).

He has taken them bowling twice.

[potplant]

By comparison I have have tons of help, both sets of parents live close (ILs literally round the corner). My parents are not quite so involved but my ILs are.

I know that we are really lucky in many ways - my friend and her DH have never had a nght away from her DCS in 10 years as they don't have anyone who will have her DSs overnight.

But there is a downside of too much close proximity, and in the early days it seemed like my ILs were virutally camping in our living room. Even now they drop round 30 mins before bedtime with sweets, whip the kids into a frenzy and then bugger off or come round at 9am on Sunday for a cuppa.

[oopsiedoopsie]

Wifes parents have both girls during the day Tues / Wed / Thurs while my wife works, my mum has them when she can and babysits evenings whenever we need.

Guess we're exceedingly lucky

[slug]

My parents live half way round the world, my In Laws a ten minute walk away. They pick DD up from school 2 days a week, feed her and watch her till we get home from work. This is no small feat as the child is a gannet and can eat constantly from the moment she is leaves school till the moment she is picked up (and yet still have her father's slim physique ) They also take up the slack during school holidays and, as we have Sunday lunch with them most weeks, will often let us slip off for an hour or two to the pub, leaving her to run rings around them.

She is their only grandchild. They waited a long, long time to be grandparents and are endlessly amused by her antics. ( I love my ILs, can you tell?)

[ohdearwhatamess]

No help at all with childcare here. Parents live 3-7 hours away (depending on who is driving, us or them), and we don't see them often (difficult relationship). MIL lives 3.5 hours away, and visits often but won't help out even with babysitting (reckons after 4 children she has done her fill of looking after children).

Tbh, I didn't expect any help from anyone. What has surprised me is how difficult that has been. I didn't really appreciate how hard looking after young children would be before having them.

[Flibbertyjibbet]

My parents are 20 mins by car away but are 74 and 79 so my two ds's are too much for them most of the time for more than a couple of hours.
Inlaws are 2.5 hours away and we go up occasionally for a day but we are all together all day. They are much younger than my parents and will have the boys for half terms etc or short breaks in the school holidays when they are older.

I cough up a fortune for 2 x 3 days at nursery so we can both work, I never expected free childcare for work days as I we want it on a contractual basis, available 52 weeks of the year which you dont' get with relatives as they will want holidays, get sick etc etc,

We have had one evening off in 4 years and a night off from the kids is a dream for at least another few years.

My mother does come on the bus on one of my days off (just waiting for her now) but thats flexible depending on her and my dad globe trotting to visit my 3 sisters who are all abroad. She comes up so I can just take one to swimming lessons etc.

If I wanted childcare while I worked one of us would have to get up at sparrows fart to either get to us or us get the children to them in time for us to get to work as well.

I like her to just be grandma and do it on a social basis.

I do prefer them being a bit of a way away as they can't just drop in. I like to know when to expect people and have a chance to make an excuse if I want to!

[lal123]

MIL has looked after DD (5) since she was 6 months when I returned to work full time. She now drops her off at school and picks her up for us - looking after her til we get home. We couldn't have coped without her she really is a star. DD loves her to bits and would be happy to live with her full time if we let her

My Mum lives too far away from us to do any regular childcare, but she visits a couple of times a year and always offers to have DD for a holiday etc.

[howtotellmum]

MY DCs are now adults.

My Mum did what she could living 250 miles away- visits about 3 times a year and babysat enough to allow us to have a couple of short breaks (2-3 nights away) - either staying with us, or taking kids to theirs.

My in laws offered nothing. My MIL had issues with travelling- again 250 miles- but never once offered.

I found being a SAHM very hard, with no support except my DH. It really affected me career, as I had no back up if my DCs were ill, so tended not to work very much at all until they were much older, and then only P/T.

[LibrasBiscuitsOfFortune]

We live in the middle of both sets of parents who are about 30 mins away. They are both brilliant at offering babysitting and the only reason they haven't had DS (9 months) over night yet is because I don't think it's fair on them until he is more reliable sleeping thru the night. My sister will also babysit for us. They all adore DS who is currently the first GC for both. I ensure we see both sets 2-3 thims a month but it's often more.
We are incredible lucky with this situation.

My mum did suggest that she do some childcare when I went back to work until I pointed out that she couldn't go jetting of on 3 week holidays if she did so that idea was quickly canned.

[Overmydeadbody]

DS is 6 now and ever since he was a baby I have been blown away by just how much help and support my family have been, and how out of their ways they are willing to go to help DS and I (I am a single mum). Even my teenage brother will offer to babysit so I can have a break.

I am increadibly grateful

[coppertop]

No help at all here, even though my mum only lives 10 minutes away. Visits are rare and she doesn't phone if she can help it. We're not allowed to visit unless invited (once a year or even once every other year).

She used to talk for years about how she couldn't wait to have grandchildren. Strangely enough she spends far more time with her other grandchild even though they live hours away - stays there for days at a time, invites them to stay for holidays with her, babysits etc.

MIL is lovely but finds travel difficult.

[MuppetsMuggle]

My mum looks after my DD twice to three times a week (college & time to ourselves) However mum has been a saint this week, I'm quite ill.

[2rebecca]

None from sibs as they live several hours away. Why should they help me look after my kids anyway? They have their own families. My dad lives several hours away and my parents have looked after the children if we're down there and my dad takes my son on holiday, but usually if I'm with my parents (now only dad) I want to see them not use them as free childcare. My parents also both worked full time when my children were young.
Ex's parents do take the kids for weekends/ school holidays but also live some distance away and also only recently retired.
My parents lived some distance from their extended family so I never grew up with the idea that your family were there to act as free childminders. If we went to visit grandparents then we all visited grandparents, our parents didn't just dump us and go off and do their own thing.
I think if you decide to have kids then looking after them is the parents responsibility.

[PinkTulips]

my parents;

they'll babysit in their house which effectively means us all staying there overnightas they're 30 mins away but anywhere we'd be going out to is even further to the far side of them

my mother has come to ours for ds1&2's births but never offered to do that otherwise.

once i was able to drive (learned while 5 months preg with ds2) i started dropping the kids to their when i had hospital appointments or such which added another half hour or so to my drive there and back.

dp's parents;

live down the country, his dad visits once every 3/4 months, his mother about once a year if that. they offer to babysit but dp's dad is an alcoholic who thinks if i don't see him smoking all over the house i won't notice the smoke and ash. dp's mother is far too ditzy to cope with my older 2.

we haven't been able to visit them since having ds1 as their house is just too small to cope but last time we did his mother wanted to take dd for a walk to the shop... no bother we said.... she proceeded to disappear for 3 hours she'd headed over to her sisters and spent several hours chatting and smoking all over dd and didn't feel we might have liked to know where our 14 month old dd was!

his sister and brother have never met either of our ds's, ds1 is 3 in july

[MrsTittleMouse]

We get a lot of help, even though both sets live a long way away. We are very lucky. It doesn't surprise me too much though, as we knew how desperate they all were to have grandchildren.

[HeinzSight]

The last time my Mum saw DD she was 6 days old, she's now 19 months old , she lives just over an hour away, so no help there.

My PIL come 4/5 times a yr and always offer to babysit so we can go out. They've even have our older two down to stay for a week in the Summer. They live 3 hrs away.

My Dad and Stepmum live just over an hour's drive away, but sadly my Dad can't drive anymore so it's a 2 hour + train journey. They too come to visit 4/5 times a yr. They also have looked after our children, they came and stayed last yr and DH and I had 2 nights in London to celebrate our 10th wedding anniversary, bliss.

I do dearly wish my Dad and stepmum lived locally, I know they would be here at every opportunity to help and have fun with the kids. I'd love that.

[Flyonthewindscreen]

My dad and stepmum live a 2 hour drive away. We see them every 2-3 months but they have never offered babysitting (not that kind of relationship).

My PIL live 25 min drive away and we see them around once a fortnight. They do evening babysitting occasionally (3-4 times a year) and rather reluctantly and have the DC overnight (more keen) 1-2 times a year. I am a SAHM but when I do return to work I would not expect any childcare from them unless for an absolute emergency. Although they love my DC (their only DGC) to bits, I've been surprised at how unkeen they are to help out.

I live in a village where lots of the other children at our DCs school get loads of free childcare from grandparents but tbh although it would be nice to go out more in the evening with my DH and know I would have more backup if I was WOHM, on balance I prefer not to have the constant contact/interference that having more hands on grandparents would involve.

[IDidntRaiseAThief]

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