SIL does not want me to take my DD to local (safe) park.

[LOVEMYMUM]

I have a 14 month old daughter who is toddling around.

My sister-in-law lives near a park with a playground. She has 4 daughters between 3 and 12. She doesn't like taking them there because she says it's "dangerous", which it is not, it's clean and full of children at weekends.

My problem is, what do i say to her when I want to take my daughter there from her house. I want my daughter to see her cousins (SIL does not drive, so can't come to me). When it's good weather, why should I contain my daughter within their house after 2 hours.

I want to say, "Do you really think I would do anything that would endanger LO or myself?".

What do others think?

[Disenchanted3]

Say

'im taking her to the park you WEIRDO'

[LOVEMYMUM]

Tempting but she is my SIL and I don't want to be rude to her, I just want to stand my ground.

[screamingabdab]

Say

"We're just off to buy some crack"

[IheartNY]

Is there nothing else you can do outside instead as a compromise? A different park? Play in her garden? Where does she take her kids out to?

If there are plenty of other options around then it would be a bit off to insist on going to that park.
If I hated one particular place near me and there were loads of alternatives but my sister insisted on going to the place I hated whenever she visits, I'd be quite pissed off!

[charmargot]

Why does she think it's unsafe? Odd.

[sheena1]

quite weird she wont let u take Your dd to park

[LOVEMYMUM]

IheartNY - her kids only go to school - nowhere else. They rarely play in the garden (on the patio) cos they will get dirty!

I go in the house and get told to take my shoes off!

SIL used (apparently) to be outgoing and travelled for her work. I know it can be difficult going out with 4 children, but not even to let them play outside?

[Greensleeves]

Why doesn't she like this park? She must have a reason for thinking it's dangerous.

[LOVEMYMUM]

I live within a ten minute drive of the same playground and I feel safe there.

My other SIL told me that SIL is reluctant to go there cos our MIL told her that her children would be snatched! I don't know if she was told this or not (NB, as far as I know, there's no been no child abducting in my local area).

[LOVEMYMUM]

The other problem is, if i take my DD out, then what about her cousins who are locked in the house?

[compo]

she sounds like she has issues
could she be depressed or agarophobic?

[LOVEMYMUM]

Hi Compo.

No sure if agrophobic cos she does go out when daughters at school. She is Dutch and doesn't like London. Her mother died of cancer a few years ago in Holland but SIL was in London.

[2rebecca]

I would either leave after 2 hours or tell her your daughter needs to go out and you're taking her to the playpark and does she want to come too.

[Northernlurker]

Well she clearly has ishoos! No reason why your daughter should suffer though.

[Alibabaandthe40nappies]

Hmm - sounds like she has OCD of some sort.

My aunt has had it for decades, the issue is around 'contamination' (her word). It manifests itself by her being very controlling, everyone has to do what she says, there is imaginary dirt everywhere.

Just try and stand your ground, you will not reason with her. I would just go out with your DD, she can't stop you after all.

[junglist1]

Ok, I'd tell her I'd do whatever I wanted. But you don't want to be rude, so suggest you go and tell her if you feel dodgy you'll come back? What's the problem with the park dogs or something?

[flamingobingo]

I'd just do it! Just say 'I think DD's getting a bit restless and needs some outside time. I'll take her to the park for half an hour and come back when she's had some exercise'.

Her kids must drive her potty! I have four and they go loopy if they're inside for too long - they need walks like dogs do

[LOVEMYMUM]

Thanks all.

I'm going to take her out anyway, I was curious to see what others think.

[SnortyBartFast]

don't tell the cousins,
tell sil quietly if you must.

difficult one.

can't you persuade her some how or other,

[Blondeshavemorefun]

weird

def sounds like she she has ocd

go to the park and have fun

[charmargot]

Be kind to SIL though, she might feel happy about going to park if you went with her and the cousins.

[fleacircus]

Can you go at the end of the visit? Then you don't need to explain yourself, just say goodbye and leave.

[LOVEMYMUM]

It's possible we will go out together (SIL and nieces with DD and I). We have done this once before. The strange thing is, when we got back in, she scraped the soles of their shoes. OCD seems a likely diagnosis.

[onepieceofcremeegg]

She does sound like she is anxious or has OCD to me.

My sil (dh's brother's wife) is incredibly tense and has similar issues. She stopped her 7 year old from crawling round the floor with my baby (my floors are reasonably clean) in case she got dirty. When her dd was younger sil got very uptight if she spilled food etc.

Sil will reluctantly let her dd visit the park, but there are frequent anxious outbursts from her re the potential of dirty clothes, scuffed shoes, sharing equipment (e.g. roundabouts) with other dcs etc etc.

It irritates me occasionally, but more often I feel sorry for her dd (and she now has a new ds too)