How have you dealt with someone who has lied and stolen money from your DH.....that someone is his father

[hummingbird123]

long story and cant put too much on here, but I am struggling to get my head round it all big time. Over 2 grand has been taken from my DH who was told repeatedly lied to about the whereabouts of his money. It materialises that his father did take it. He owned up to it by sending a text and then going on holiday for 3 wks to let the dust settle (dust settle ffs)... He comes back from holiday tomorow. He seems to think we are ok ish for money and that makes this somehow acceptable. I come from a very very close family, this is just totally unreal to me. not just taking the money from his son, but also me and our children, its our money we need to live off, and the total lies to my poor dh's face. dh wants to wash his hands of him forever, and although its deeply upsetting I can't bring myself to think like that.

How does a family get through something like this?

[HecatesTwopenceworth]

I have no idea. Personally, I'd report it to the police and take him to court for it.

someone who could do something like that has forfited his right to be considered family, imo.

[DanJARMouse]

Im with hecate.

I would seriously report the theft to the police and allow the courts to sort him out.

That person is a) not a father and b) not worthy to be a part of you and your families lives.

[Hassled]

I have no experience at all, but my instincts are that your DH is right. Wash you hands of him, and move on. And if that is what your DH wants to do, you have to respect that.

[hummingbird123]

we've talked about reporting him, but have decided against it. its like my brain can't process what he's done. I just look at our children and wonder how on earth someone could do this. I could never contemplate taking money from anyone, especially my children its so sad.

[hummingbird123]

i will respect dh's decision, we are very close and usually always in agreement. we used to visit his father 2-3 times a wk (lives on his own) and its like none of that ever mattered because he was so prepared to risk losing it all, just for money.

[HecatesTwopenceworth]

How did he get his hands on this money? is there any way he could get his hands on any other sum of money? That would be a concern for me - is the rest of my money safe?

Unless - was it an inheritance that he didn't pass over? There are things you can do about that too!

Like I said, I'd report him, but if for some reason I chose not to, I'd certainly say "I hope that £2000 was worth it, because it cost you your family. NEVER contact us again. You will NEVER see my children for the rest of your life."

See to me it's not the sum of money - it's the betrayal that's unforgivable.

[hummingbird123]

its the betrayal for me as well, i loathe liars. the money was dropped at his house in cash as a client dropped it off after my dh had done some decorating work. I think he was secretly hoping we would somehow forget about this or overlook it because we were away on holiday at the time

[Doha]

Is there anyway some if not all the money can be repaid?
I know the theft can't be excused especially if he has been able to go away on holiday for 3 weeks.
Perhaps threatening him with the police if you have the email as proof may make him pay up. Would the threat of losing contact with his family be enough to make him cough up

Try and get at least some of the money back THEN ditch the bastard.

[lizziemun]

I would let him know that you will not even consider the 'dust settled' or an ongoing relationship until the money has been repaid.

As others have said let him know that you would be willing to report to the theft to the police if he can not comeup with a repayment plan.

Has your dh inssued an invoice for the work that was carried out. If so how is your going to account for the 'missing' money in his business accounts. He will have to pay business tax, vat if charging.