my ex

[hayley79]

im still in love with my ex and dont know what to do i split up with him 7 years ago

[OldLadyKnowsNothing]

Well, this is going to sound unsympathetic, but you really have to move on with your life. And I'm sure you know that, too.

[hayley79]

yes i do and i have tried but i love him im never fully commited to anyone else

[Alambil]

counselling

You need help to move on - 7 years is a long time to be pining for something you can't have

[hayley79]

plus i dont want anyones sympathy just want to know HOW do i move on?

[hayley79]

i dont think i need counselling others will probly disgree and if i didnt have to see him it would make it so much easier

[Alambil]

but counselling will help you make the emotional break - thats how you'll move on... to see him and think "oh, we used to go out" and not "omg I'm so in love with him still"

it'll help you make him a person, not a dream of what-ifs

[howtotellmum]

You might never stop loving him- but that doesn't mean you cannot love anyone else. You just have to accept, deep down, that it is over.

I don't thinkit is always possible to erase people from our minds and "get over them" fully. Once there has been love, it does not always die off completely for one person, even if the other ends the relationship. It's like grief- just because the person is no longer with us physically, it does not mean that we no longer think about them or appreciate them for what they gave us.

But the difference with your ex, is that he does not want YOU. Holding onto that thought is hard, but you must.

I still "love" in a kind of way, my ex from 35 years back. We have been in touch off and on all that time, him having several marriages, me just the one, but always toying with getting back together. We have realsied now it won't happen, for loads of reasons, but I will always care about him, and he me. But life has to be in the present.

You will never meet anyone else who "is" your ex- but they will have their own qualities that you can love. Maybe if you accpet that he will always have a place in your heart, but that you cannot be with him, it will make it easier to let go.

Try not to compare every new man with him- one day something will click with a new person and although they won't be your ex, they will have something about them that you will love.

[AnyFucker]

great post HTTM

[howtotellmum]

thanks

[duke748]

Hi, a couple of books that have REALLY helped me in the past....

How to Mend a BRoken Heart

and when you are feeling more positive:

Sarah Beeny's Guide to Dating

The first book deals with exactly what you said you wanted - HOW to move on. It talks about how sometimes its the future you had planed in your head changing and having no new plan that makes you get 'stuck'. It gives you ideas and little things to try to break the pattern of feeling rubbish when you see him/hear your song/go to that restaurant etc.

The 2nd book is a fun way to look to the future, which is full of laughter and fun, and yes, even other relationships!

I hope they help you, they have me, and its got to be worth a punt at £20ish, hasn't it?