He has left me for the 3rd time, need some advice?

[mummytowillow]

Well he has gone again, this is the 3rd and last time, I told him if he went again I wouldn't take him back.

He said the most cruel things this morning, I asked if he hated me and he said hate was a strong word but 'he does really dislike me' and 'I mean absolutely nothing to him apart from I'm the mother of his daughter', how cruel is that.

He also said his life is going to harder than mine now as he has to pay two lots of childcare (kids from previous marriage), rent and half our mortgage, he earns £1000 month more than me, how the hell is his life harder than mine. I'm left on my own running a 4 bed home with a 20 month old, selfish tw-t!!

Anyway, he wants to live in our house in the spare bedroom and I said I can't live with someone who thinks so little of me? He also wants to take our daughter (20 months) overnight to his parents two hours away, I have never spent a night away from her, can he make me let him, where do I stand legally? I would NEVER stop him from seeing her as she needs her Daddy, but at the same time I feel distraught that I will have to let her go to him at weekend

Also do I qualify for any benefits, I earn £24,000 pa for 4 days a week, no debts, £1000 mortgage, £530 childcare and I suppose I will get £200 from him eventually. I can't bear the thought of trundling off to the benefits office at the moment?

Words of wisdom required please, but be gentle with me

[Leslaki]

Sorry this is happening to you. sounds like you are better off without him tho. You should be entitled to child tax credits and working tax credits - check out www.entitledto.com for an idea on what you should get. You can also get help with childcare. No need to go to benefits office, just phone them up and you can do it over the phone. You also need to get your council tax status changed to 1 adult as that is cheaper. I'm having to extend my mortgage from 15 years left to 40 years to be able to afford it but at least I get to keep my house . Your ex should be paying you 15% maintenance - altho if he has children from another relationship I don't know if that would affect it.
Unfortunately yes, he can take her to his parents - it's shit and I really struggle with my ex having mine overnight - was OK when he took them to his parents but not when it's at his new home with his psycho OW/NW (I've had police out to her twice). Try posting on lone parents thread too - everyone there has been great when I've needed help and advice.

Are you married? Have you seen a solicitor?

Good luck and hope you get things sorted.

[mummytowillow]

Update, he is now refusing to leave our house He told me he still wants a divorce but thinks we can still live in the same house as its a four bed, he will live in the spare room and still expects to have his kids here on his weekends?

He is still not talking to me, told me to sort the estate agent out etc. How can I live like this? Can I make him leave?

Life is going to be intorable and our daughter will pick up on it

[StirlingTheStrong]

If you go the CAB they will let you know which solicitors in your area offer a 30 min free consultation. Use one of them just to get some basic advice on what you can do. You will feel much better just knowing

Sorry I am not much help!

[Leslaki]

I made my ex leave by asking my parents to come down - he didn;t come near the place. Change the locks. A soliciotr won't tell you to do that but do it. I dodn't till after ex came in one day and took the tv etc etc - ds was devastated when we got home. U need a sanctiary and someowhere to keep private correspondence between u and ur solicitor. If he goes to court (unlikey due to court) you say you were afraid and also blab on that you and dd can't live in a threatening and intolerable atmoshphere. be braver than me. I left it 2 months. he went ballistic for 30 mins and that was it, but the sense of relief is unbelievable!! You get your home back.
Good luck. See a soliciotr. You may not need to sell.