So...honest thread about what men really think when their wives put on weight post DCs..

[PussinJimmyChoos]

I know I've put on weight post DS...I was a curvy 10st pre DS

I was constantly hungry during pregnancy and put on 4st. Have lost two stone of that (DS is nearly three) but still have the post baby tum, stretch marks and a c section scar from an em cs. I am hour glass with it and go in and out in all the right places, so do look womanly, but am definately padded!

I know DH doesn't find me as phyiscally attractive as pre DS...hell I don't find me as attractive but what I find hard to cope with, is that he is obvious in his dislike of the extra weight

This change in body shape is due to becoming a mother...I don't have the energy most nights to do work out DVDs..I'm too busy working part time and I do all the cooking, cleaning, menu planning and shopping..in short, I'm putting my family first before myself really

Do men see that women are putting their energies into the home rather than themselves and act accordingly, or do they just think blimey luv, time to shift the baby weight??

[MrsMattie]

I was a slim size 10-12 and weighed 10 stone 5 lbs pre-baby (I am 5'11).

I put on 4 stone with first pregnancy. Lost 3 stone very slowly afterwards, put a stone on slowly after losing so much of the weight (good living, lots of wine etc!). So ended up 12 stone-ish and a size 14. Put on 2 stone with my second pregnancy, and 5 months post second baby I am about 12 stone / size 14 again.My figure is OK, but belly is a mess - scar, stretchmarks, fat.

My DH is totally cool about it. He still seems to fancy me , compliments me often and and thinks I look great.

I am the one who struggles on some days with how I look now. Mostly I am fine and accept that I am older, have had two babies and that's life etc. But sometimes I do feel depressed about my body, mostly when I have to get into a bikini or something revealing , or when I see someone who had a baby 3 months ago and has a flat tum.

I like cake too much, that's my problem

[howtotellmum]

I don't know what en think as I am not a man, and all men are differnt anyway.

However, I do- and I expect you not to agree withthis- think it is an ecuse to say weight gain follows Dcs. It doesn't- only if you overeat and do not exercise enough.

[MrsMattie]

That's not necessarily true@howtotellmum. Or rather, it makes it sound like people who gain weight after having a baby are just lazy pigs, which is unfair.

I had severe SPD during my first pregnancy, followed by an emergency c-section. Because I was so immobile for so many months, the weight crept on. I had always been a very slim person until then.

I also feel like my metabolism totally changed after having my kids. Maybe it is just age and the having babies thing was a coincidence, but I used to be able to eat what i wanted, exercise a bit and stay very slim. Now I have to eat a very low fat diet and exercise a lot more to maintain my weight, let alone lose weight.

[EffiePerine]

dunno about the children being an excuse, I lost the baby weight pretty easily with DS1 but since having DS2 am still about a stone overweight and it is not shifting. Being back on the pill doesn't help. But DH is very nice about it and says I look 'fine' and 'pre-Raphaelite' (aka fat). He's put on more than me in the past few years anyway

[PussinJimmyChoos]

It does though...I would not have put on 4st had I not had a child..I maintained my weight perfectly pre DS - fluctuating +/- 5lb or so if was over Christmas etc

Post baby, 4st seems like a mountain to lose and when you are devoting yourself wholeheartedly to your family, losing the weight is not a walk in the park. I could be a gym bunny but it would be at the expense of my child

But back to my OP, I would be interested in what the men think also..I s'pose what I'm after is men who think their women are goddesses for having a baby and love them - wobbly bits and all!

My friend's DH is Egyptian and he rejoices in all things wobbly and is always telling me off if I've just lost a few pounds and when I say but I need to lose weight, he says 'you had a baby, so what' and I kind of like that attitude!

[screamingabdab]

MrsMattie agree with you about the metabolism thing

My DH has honestly fancied me the whole way through (DSs now 6 and 8), it is me who has had a problem feeling attractive. I am now finally back to pre-babies weight, but I am not the same shape, and will never wear a bikini again.

[daisydreams]

His 'dislike in the extra weight' excuse me! And he is, of course, Adonis? If he won't help out, tell him the help you need, write down the jobs he has to do, then stick to the progamme. You have as much right to 'me' time as he does.
You are working more than part-time! He lives in the same house therefore he's got to help out (unless your marriage certificate specifies your slave status for all eternity?
When it comes to 'Some Lovin', honey, you've got to think how gorgeous you are, if you don't believe how beautiful you are as a whole person, no-one else is buying into it!
IMHO men tend to be the basic model, need pointed in the right direction - assertively, clearly and repeatedly.
Like a performing pup they also need telling how handsome they are, difficult when you're the one that's feeling a bit blah.
So, no, I don't think men notice much unless it directly affects them!

[howtotellmum]

Your metabolism changes throughout your life, so it is normal to need to eat less and exercise a bit more to stay the same weight, as you get older.

I found that I lost all my pre-baby weight VERY quickly, by breastfeeding for 6 months, but I also only put on 1.5 stones with each pregnancy and was almost down to my normal weight immediately after giving birth.

I am not being smug here, but I do think some mums use pregnancy as an excuse to "eat for 2, 3, or 4"! Then it is bound to be hard to lose it.

I am now post-meno- and I am finding it hard to stay around my normal weight, even though I do a lot of exercise- I put on about half a stone, lost it in around 4 weeks, and it has crept on again- but i am not making excuses, as I know it is down to nibbling and nothing else. I am now on a no-nibble regime again.

I think all men are different as to what they feel. I also think they don't always see what we see- my DH thiks I am slim, whereas I know that I have a roll around my hips I owuld rather was not there!

Maybe you should OP post on Dads' Net?

[ilovemydogandMrObama]

The whole: had-baby-am-working-doing-everything-at-home is why sooo many women do liposuction

[LibrasJusticeLeagueofBiscuits]

OP I don't think you can generalise, each man will think differently. My DH might have internilised "blimey luv shift the weight" but NEVER did he make me feel like he thought that. I hide my tummy, he kisses it and says that is where his son lived. However he probably knew that I would gradually, when I felt like it, lose the weight. (work in progress, 1.5 stone down 1 to go).

Also you don't have to be a gym bunny at the expense of your child, my 9 month old happily goes to my gym creche for an hour whilst I go to the gym, it does not make him a neglected child.

[goodnightmoon]

i have to say i think it is a bit of an excuse to say - i can't lose weight because i'm too busy being a mum.

if you are planning menus, you are in full control of the type and quantity of food going into your body.

it is also possible to integrate exercise with having a family, as LJLoB said. If anything, it is setting a positive example for DCs about the importance of exercise and looking after your health. we are all knackered but it's just like anything else - you have to just do it if you want it done.

it sounds like you want some sort of assurance that most men are not like your DH, and enjoy all the wobbly bits, but that is not realistic IMO.

[StirlingTheStrong]

In an ideal world your dh/dp should love and fancy you because of who you are not what you look like but that isn't how it usually is.

I also think it is unfair of people to say that women use having babies/being busy as an excuse for letting themselves go.

Everyone is different and some women have alot of problems during/after pregnancy and some find it easier, and maybe have more help, so can take time out to exercise.

I had no help and was with children constantly for years and went from a 10/12 to a fuller 14 which wasn't too bad but h still went off me!

After much upset in my life I have eventually lost alot of weight and got fit again and I do feel much better but could only do that once the dc were not under my feet anymore.

[Supercherry]

I don't know whether the extra weight post baby bothered DP, I doubt very much whether he would've noticed tbh.

I do tend to agree with the posters which say having a baby is not the reason for remaining overweight after the first year or so. I say this because I'm nearly 3mths pregnant and have been eating like a pig but when I got weighed at the booking in appointment I was still 8 stone!!!! With my first pregnancy as a child free woman I weighed an extra 8lbs at this point. I can only put this down to running around all day after my lively DS. So, having kids might actually keep you slim in some cases. Either that or the scales were broken

[ByTheSea]

My weight has been up and down (and is up now but on the way down) and my DH has fancied me no matter what, even when I know I look like an elephant.

[cory]

The exercise bit is easier though if you are not having to rest in pregnancy for medical reasons, do not suffer SPD or similar, are not incapacitated by bad tearing etc after the birth, and are not kept at the bedside of a sick child. Any of this would almost certainly interfere with your ability to exercise.

I hated being given bed rest during pregnancy as I love brisk walks: I just wasn't allowed to have them. I didn't balloon, but I got flabby iyswim. After the birth I was in pain from the tears for nearly a year: I still took a fair bit of exercise but it certainly wasn't easy. Particularly as dd's health problems meant that I was pretty well stuck to a chair breastfeeding non-stop for the first four months. Didn't lose any weight until she was in the clear. Have never experienced SPD, but I imagine it is hardly compatible with an exercise programme either.

[BarcodeZebra]

Didn't care. Don't care. You can't expect a body to go through that and spring back like it's made of rubber.

I think DW is gorgeous.

[StirlingTheStrong]

Awwwww - That is lovely Zebra....

[monkeypinkmonkey]

Tell him to look after ds while you go to the gym if he is that bothered! personally i'd just spend the time in hot tub. x

[BigBellasBeerBelly]

DH still chases me around the place like something out of benny hill - I was an 8 when we met and went up to a 14. I'm pg at the mo - that seems to make him even worse - I risk getting grappled as I move from room to room

It makes me so sad when you read threads with OHs saying their pg partners are "fat" and when they are sitting at home BF teenies "need to make more of an effort" and all that shit.

The idea that women should be able to "spring back" as zebra says - and that that is seen as desirable - is terribly sad IMO.

[Janos]

Oh great, another thing to chastise women for doing wrong. Not having a perfect figure post baby!

OP, I was overweight before I had DS.

Now he is 4 1/2 and I am just about down to the weight I would like to be. I too am hourglassy and have a mummy tummy (em cs, scars, stretch marks).

I can tell you quite categorically I have NEVER had ANY problems attracting men. I really do believe men don't notice these flaws as much as we think they do.

[Janos]

Needless to say, in case it's not clear..I am no longer with his Dad.

[AnyFucker]

I weigh the same post-dc but my body shape has definitely changed. Or maybe that is age? Dunno.

However, I am thicker around the waist, less full in the boobs ie. empty , have lost muscle and am generally more flabby.

Niiiiiice

DH doesn't seem to notice though, luckily.

[FatFree]

I've been on a diet from since birth it seems, so when i got pg with my first it was a green light to pig out and i did with gusto!

Put on 3st and although i lost some, by the the time my 3rd bub came along i was 4st heavier than i should be.

It took nearly 3 years and a hell of a lot of willpower but i set myself a goal not to be fat at 40 and managed to get down to 8st 7 in time for my 40th birthday

In all that time, my OH has never commented on my weight gain and even tho i have lost it all, its me who is unhappy at how my boobs look like spaniels ears and my tum looks like an A-Z!!

[monkeypinkmonkey]

Oh my goodness when will accept that having strechmarks and / or cs scars are part of us being mothers. What we 'supposedly' strive for is an airbrushed illusion. I have both and never ashamed, DP never seems bothered and got with him after having ds!