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Relationships

age gap issue

18 replies

sjay · 08/02/2009 16:06

for anyone that is in one do age gap relationships work out well? i am with someone who is 10 yrs older than me we have our up's and down's like any couple but are happy my mum however doesn't approve at 30 i shouldn't really worry what she thinks i know but her disapproving can make life difficult at times and I am not sure the family as a whole would accept us together.

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SulliedYouth · 08/02/2009 16:16

My DH is 12 Years older and although we have had some recent problems they are not down to the age gap. I have always gone for older men, one was 30 years older and I have never really found it to be a problem.
If they can see you are happy why should they have a problem? It annoys me!

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CreativeZen · 08/02/2009 16:21

10 years is scarcely an age gap. When I read the title, I thought you were going to say 20-30 years. Why doesn't your mother approve? Is it the 10 years she doesn't like or simply your partner.

At the end of the day, it's your relationship and your family has no say in it, unless you let them.

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CapricaSix · 08/02/2009 16:21

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beanieb · 08/02/2009 16:22

My OH is six years younger which can be weird at times, specially when he bangs on about some single from the 90's as if I don't know about it.

Could there be other reasons why your parents are wary? Are the ups and downs things you complain about to your mum for example?

I don't see why 10 years should be an issue TBH.

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NAB09 · 08/02/2009 16:25

If you are 30 and your partner is 40 I really don't see that it is a big deal.

When I was 19 I went out with someone who was 15 years older than me. It didn't work out but it wasn't because of the age gap.

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kiltycoldbum · 08/02/2009 16:25

my dp is 14 yrs older than me an tbh sometimes its like my dad is talking to me (well how i imagine a dad to talk to me) ive never heard of some of his music but like he says "i wasnt alive when Chopin was around but i still know his music" this was over a conversation about the Ramones, like who the hell are they? lol

and he corrects my english

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onadietcokebreak · 08/02/2009 16:26

www.amazon.co.uk/Marrying-Older-Man-Maggie-Jones/dp/0749911395/ref=sr_1_2?ie=UTF8&s=books&qid=123411&tag=mumsnet&ascsubtag=mnforum-21 0233&sr=8-2

this book may help you, I read it when I was in a relationship with someone 12 years my senior. It certainly answers a lot of questions and gives you ways to deal with other peoples reactions. It also highlights any issues you need to discuss

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CapricaSix · 08/02/2009 16:37

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squeaver · 08/02/2009 16:47

I don't think that's a big age gap. I know quite a few people with that many or more years between.

One of my best friends is with someone 19 years older than her and they're one of the happiest couples I know.

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kiltycoldbum · 08/02/2009 16:47

i call mine Victor Meldrew when he really gets going and it really winds him up

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MaplePecanPlait · 08/02/2009 16:48

DH is 11 years older and I do find him dull and a bit old sometimes but don't think that is all down to age. Can't believe I have admitted this!!!

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differentCupID · 08/02/2009 16:50

My parents had 14 years between them. My dh and I have 8 years between us.

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ItMatters · 08/02/2009 17:14

I think it depends what is important to you and what type of people you both are.

DH is 15years older. There are many things we don't share because of our age gap (huge difference in music taste for example). My friends all have husbands more or less their same age and I do feel a little awkward having an older DH, he doesn't fit it. It has affected our social life.

On the other hand, he is a very active man, keeps fit and has a "young mind" iykwim. There are many younger men out there that just go to the pub in the evenings and don't exercise. He is a fantastic father to our children. Treats me wonderfully. We love and respect each other. And we trust each other completely. He is a very decent human being.

Reading some of the posts here on mumsnet, makes me realise how lucky I am (there are some horrible men out there).

So, there are some negatives and positives about having a large age gap, in my case the positives outweigh the negatives by a long way. So it has worked for me.

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CapricaSix · 08/02/2009 18:44

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sjay · 08/02/2009 22:59

on the whole we have the same views same values but we connect on a level that i haven't had with anyone else it's hard to explain it's not just a physical thing we connect emotionally and psycologically and def hve the same sense of humour. It doesn't bother me really i don't think about it day in and day out I just joined this site and thought i would get other peoples take on it again as a lot of you have said music is a big difference but then again i like a lot of the older music i don't know it all tho! and he is quite into the latest music around so it isn't a major problem. What aggrivates me if anything is sometimes not often but sometimes he will talk down to me I think I am able to put him in his place tho

my mum doesn't like him partly just doesn't and partly age gap my uncle certainly dissaproves of the age gap and he was once called a cradle snatcher at work I don't think 10 yrs is major either but trust me some do

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WideWebWitch · 08/02/2009 23:02

10 years is really no big deal imo.

Dh is 10 yrs younger than me, we have been together 9 years, have a 5yo dd, an 11 ds from my first marriage and are really happy.

I honestly don't even think about it day to day, he's just my husband, I love him and we make each other happy.

It really doesn't matter what other people think imo.

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lilac21 · 08/02/2009 23:13

Mine is 10 years older than me, it's not helping the situation we're in (see my recent thread) but that is partly because of his upbringing and personality, not just his age. He was born when his parents were 35 and was an only child, he was adored and 'golden boy'. I'm the youngest in my family and was born when my parents were 22, they are still very young in outlook even in their sixties.

Now our marriage is ending, he is worried about being a lonely OAP and seems to think I should stick around being nice to him to prevent that from happening...err, not my problem....

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warthog · 09/02/2009 08:47

depends on the person. there was 12 years between me and my ex and we broke up because of personality differences rather than age.

sounds to me like she has a problem with him, not his age.

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