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Relationships

this is weird...I wrote the letter to may parents, and you know what response I got?

14 replies

bohemianbint · 06/02/2009 20:20

Nothing. Nada.

(For anyone unfamiliar with this situation - I wrote a letter to my dad and SM to say that I don't like how they treat me, I am no longer going to let them disrespect me, and that I would be inviting my mother to the wedding, and that we need deal with things and move on positively, or not.)

Heard nothing for a week, got a message last saying to call them as soon as I got the message, called back tonight. My dad was noticeably nicer to me, usually it's like pulling teeth. But no mention of the letter, I kept thinking he was going to mention it and he didn't. In hindsight, perhaps I should have asked him, but it took so much out of me to write the damn letter I don't think I should now be having to poke him for a response. And besides, you'd think he would mention it, wouldn't you? It's so odd.

I suppose there's always the chance they didn't get the letter, but it's not bloomin likely, is it. And my dad was suspiciously nicer to me.

God, it's down to me again to raise it, isn't it. Am so tired of it all.

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MissisBoot · 06/02/2009 20:24

Maybe they don't feel the need to discuss it and have taken notice of your letter - ie by being nicer etc?

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Tinker · 06/02/2009 20:24

Don't know the history but if he's nicer to you is that not a good thing?

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bohemianbint · 06/02/2009 20:34

Hmmm. Maybe. And yes, it is a good thing. I just thought that they would have something to say particularly about me inviting my mother to the wedding, whether it be "ok, fair enough" or "over my dead body".

I'm just finding it a bit odd that it's getting no mention at all. I sort of don't know how to proceed. Imagine if they haven't got it and I'm working on the assumption that they have? It's all a bit Thomas Hardy.

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2pt4kids · 06/02/2009 20:38

Assuming they did get the letter then silence and friendliness has got to be a good sign really.
If they really disagreed with the contents of the letter and were furious then either they wouldnt be speaking to you or they would be after a row.
Seeing as they are speaking to you and they are being noticeably nicer, then I'd say the letter has made its point and that they just arent mentioning it as they dont want a big show down/argument, just want to get things back on track by being nicer.

Hope they stick to being nicer for you!

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SnowlightMcKenzie · 06/02/2009 20:41

Oh dear. I suppose you want a reaction of some kind, as you obviously put a lot of effort into the letter.

Did you write it to raise issues to discuss, or did you write it to improve their treatment of you?

Perhaps they are taken by surprise and don't know how to react yet.

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bohemianbint · 06/02/2009 20:46

Good points - I guess I'll just crack on, assume the best and hope things get better...

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ActingNormal · 07/02/2009 19:32

Could you simply say "Did you receive my letter?". Even if they just say "Yes" and say nothing else about it, at least you will know that after all the effort you put into it they have at least read it!

Last year I also wrote a long letter to my parents which took a lot out of me and had things in it they found hard to handle. I wrote at the end that I wasn't expecting any particular response but that I did want them to let me know they had received it and read it.

Do you know what response I got from my mum -absolutely none, til 3 months later when I think she was pressured by a relative to acknowledge the letter to me. My dad phoned the same day he received it and said he had received it and read it but didn't say much else about it.

I think the truth is they were SCARED to talk about it. It was things they found too difficult to talk about.

I found it hard that they wouldn't comment on the letter apart from to say they had read it so I imagine it feels even worse if yours haven't even said they have read it!

It took a lot to write it and was really important to me but it didn't seem like they valued my feelings enough to say anything about what I wrote.

I hope you can get some peace of mind soon

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DesperateHousewifeToo · 07/02/2009 19:54

Perhaps just say to them that you have sent your mum an invite as you said you would in your letter and just see what they say.

As others have said, if they are being warmer towards you, I think, that is a positive sign that they have taken on board what you said in the letter.

ps; don't know any of the background.

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quinne · 08/02/2009 07:56

You told them that it was your decision whether you mother is invited not theirs, so now they don't need to comment. If you need them to agree then the right you claimed in your letter isn't really yours is it?

If I were you I'd say that you'd like to discuss seating arrangements at the church/ reception. That might provoke them into acknowledging the letter but I think you won't do better than get their silent acceptance.

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warthog · 08/02/2009 08:09

spot on quinne

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bohemianbint · 08/02/2009 12:24

Thank you - we do need to discuss the invites (they offered to pay and said they want to be involved but won't take the time to discuss anything with us, but don't like us to take any decisions without consulting them, it's all been a bit tricky) as they need to be made ready to go out in no more than two weeks, so perhaps they will mention it when I explain that.

I just would have thought that, like ActingNormal says, a letter that had a lot of things in it that took a lot for me to write - is it not rude not to acknowledge it? I dunno. I find them quite strange.

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PlumBumMum · 08/02/2009 12:31

bohemianbint maybe they don't want to say anything about the letter as that is acknowledgement of their behaviour lets hope your dad continues to be nice
Good for you writing the letter I've tried but can't

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compo · 08/02/2009 12:34

some people find it really hard to discuss emotional issues though, just like you really as you wrote a letter rather than telling them
I would leave it for now as things seem to be improving
They might be a bit embarassed about such an emotional outpouring from you and find it impossible to do the same

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bohemianbint · 08/02/2009 12:40

Thanks PlumBum - it was very difficult, and that was without really broaching all the childhood stuff, just the bits that are relevant right now. Perhaps if you try to write it but maybe assume you won't send it it will make it easier?

compo - we tried to sort things out in person but they wouldn't listen to a word I said or acknowledge anything. They just got angry, denied everything and said things that actually made the situation worse, that's why I resorted to a letter. If there wasn't a wedding coming up I'd leave the whole thing well alone, but it's making it harder to do so.

Will see how it goes later, they are supposed to be seeing DS later so will try to broach at least the wedding and see what happens.